Submitted By: sdm
There was a young lassie named Wainright
Who enjoyed the position that a dog might
over her shoulder she found
when she looked around
A hole new meaning for hindsight
Submitted By: Bill Weiss
Here's a couple for ya...
There once was a singer named Elton
who had the girls hearts all a'meltin'.
But soon they discovered
he was a man lover;
twas dicks he'd rather be feltin'.
There was a young singer named M'lisser,
who liked all the girls to kiss her.
She was rakin' the cash in
and givin' tongue lashin's
to Misses rather than Misters.
These are originals, I just wrote them while on the job at the Nuclear
Power Plant! (Just kidding) I hope you like them.
Submitted By: Steve Kaul
A young engineer name of Paul
Was equipped with an octagonal ball
The square of his weight
Times his pecker, plus eight
Is his phone number, give him a call
Submitted By: Fran
The limerick form is complex
Its contents run chiefly to sex
It burgeons with virgins
And masculine urgins
And swarms with erotic effex.
Submitted By: Duncan Cline
Sir Reginald Von Hubble of Joice
Did shave his balls-'twas his choice.
He sneezed,oh how sad!
The results were quite bad!
He now has a high pitched voice!!!
Submitted By: Me, myself, and I
There once was a lad called Lancelot
At whom people looked askance a lot
For whenever he passed
A delectable lass
The front of his pant would advance a lot
Submitted By: brandi conatser
there once was a guy named scott,
who thought he was SOOO hot,
then Jamie dumped him,
And her new boyfriend thumped him,
Now, a living Scott, there is not.
Submitted By: Akuma
There was this guy named John
Who's Mom told him to buy some corn.
He heard wrongly
But objected strongly.
When instead he bought some porn.
Submitted By: Duncan Cline
A psychiatrist and a proctologist from Stutts
Did really show some pure guts.
They put up a sign
At 4th Street and Vine.
That read we treat nuts and butts!
Submitted By: Duncan Cline
Oh,the air did turn green
When a fart came from the queen!
The court sat aghast
At the royal blast,
But stood and sang "God save the queen!"
Submitted By: Ron Hosmer
There was a young lady from Bath
Who wasn't very good at math
She had sex under a tree
later said "Woe is me"
1 plus 1 isn't 2….it equals 3
Submitted By: John Chastaine
Stanley, that anal young fool
made sculptures out of his stool.
His version of "The Thinker"
was really a stinker,
but the portrait of Madonna was cool!
Submitted By: cris vulgamore
old mother hubbard
went to the cupboard
to get her poor dog a bone
but when she bent over
rover took over
and gave a bone of her own!
-the writer is obvious
Submitted By: Ray Stanley
There was a young man from Cape Horn,
who wished he had never been born,
and he wouldn't have been,
if his father had seen
that the tip of the rubber was Torn !
Submitted By: jack enolf
there once was a man named shult
who was a member of a pagan cult
he fell to his knee
and screamed 'help me !'
as the cult sacrificed him 'cause they where hungry
Submitted By: wcraz
there was a young lady from crewe
who filled her vagina with glue
said she with a grin
if they pay to get in
they'll pay to get out of it, too!
Submitted By: John Chastaine
Two moments in Captain Hook's past
memory of which still leave him aghast.
A visit quite vile
from a big crocodile,
and that time he was wiping his ass!
In the check out at the food store
a nun was advising the poor:
"Hey you up in front!
That's to many items you cunt!
And they won't take food stamps for beer ya dumb whore."
A hillbilly gent name of Cato
wanted sex with his girl on a Date-o.
She said, "Yer dick's real purdy,
But yer balls are too dirty,
they look like a fresh dug potato!"
Submitted By: John Chastaine
These are both original:
A wandering Munchkin named Syfe
heard a most terrible strife.
The loud grinding and shearing,
lead him to a clearing,
where the Tin Man was fucking his wife.
Or how About...
A genetic engineer named Pickens
gave his lab assistant the dickens!
He had saturated a turd,
with the DNA of some bird,
and got some shit that tastes kinda' like chicken!
Submitted By: SBHerring
A childless man took to chasin'
a curvy young girl with elation.
She asked him "why me?",
he replied, full of glee,
"you were built for the birth of a nation!"
Submitted By: Aurora
She wanted to grow up a saint
And her mother, she had no complaint
But men--quite a few--
Were more fun than a pew
So she wanted to be but she ain't!
Submitted By: Andrew Rosenblatt
There was a young girl from Calais
Who thought chancres just melted away.
Now she has Tabes,
and sabre-shinned babies,
and thinks that she's Queen of the May.
Submitted By: Chris
There once was a lady from Sydney
Who could take it right up to the kidney
Then a man from Quebec
Took it up to her neck
...He had a big one now didn't he
Submitted By: Mark T.
This is my all-time favourite--it was a contest to see who could make a limerick from the strangest town name in Britain. The orator of this limerick left me in tears of laughter!
There once was a girl from Aberystwyth
Who took corn to the mill to make grist with.
The miller's son, Jack
Laid her flat on her back
And united the organs they made piss with!
Submitted By: Mark T.
There once was a man from Devizes
Whose balls were of different sizes.
The left one was small,
Hardly nothing at all,
But the other won numerous prizes.
Submitted By: Keith H. Peterson
There once was an abbot of Brittany
Who chanted this desolate litany:
"If Christ is the Source
Of Divine Intercourse,
Then how come I don't ever gitany?"
Loony Limericks / webmaster@loonies.zzn.com / revised October 1997