Naughty Limericks

Page 29

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Submitted By: Disgusting Jim.
President Bill sat on the hill,
dreaming of women and weiners,
"Isnt' it rich,
the dirty bitch,
has never heard of dry cleaners.

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Submitted By: Hendrik van Oordt
The planet's most beautiful cunt
Adorns the world's ugliest runt
But Oh! she seems fair
When your cock is in there
And only when spent are you stunned.

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Submitted By: Santosh Bachoo
There was a man called Motar
who often rode on a scooter
His favorite trick
was to stand on his prick
and use his arse as a hooter

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Submitted By: Burtie
A Lady asked me to tea
and said "do you fart when you pee?"
I said with some whit
"do you belch when you shit?"
I think that was one up to me

There was a young girl from Utoxeter
so pretty that men waved their cocks at her
one went so far
as to wave from his car
a cock all riddled with pox at her

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Submitted By: Steve
There once was a troubadour named Gibbon
who did sing for a livin'
I onced asked him why
this was his reply
"I just do it to meet horny women."


This is one I do at the Michigan Renaissance Festival

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Submitted By: Vince
There once was a slut named Bobby
Who was blowing a boy named Robie
When I told her to stop
His penis she droped
"But this is my favorite hobby!"

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Submitted By: Elvo Feek
A certain young lady named Allus
Lunched with the king at the Pallus
The dirty old twat
Said look what ive got
And promptly showed her his phallus

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Submitted By: CanILickYourScrotum?
There once was a man from Iran,
Who fried his nuts in a pan,
He said with a shout,
"PUT THE FIRE OUT!"
And he went running to his girlfriend Ann.

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Submitted By: Anonymous Coward
There was a young girl from Australia,
who painted her cunt like a Dahlia.
At 5 pence a smell,
it was all very well,
but 10 pence a lick was a failure.

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Submitted By: I knew of a Bishop from Birmingham,
There once was a girl called Kim,
who had an allmighty quim.
It wasn't the size
that attracted the flies,
but the crystalized cum round the rim.

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Submitted By: Elvo Feek
There was a young lady named Beti
Who was having sex with a Yeti
When they started to cum
The resulting hum
Upset the scanners at Seti

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Submitted By: Yael
A dominant lady named Yael
Liked to beat on her slaves with a flail
Sayin' "Be lookin cute,
While you're lickin' my boot,
And continue on up to my tail!"

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Submitted By: yael
One evening with forethought and malice
A horny gal travelled to Dallas
She liked to play cowboy
Saying, "hey, you be my boy
Just bring on the whips and your phallus!"

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Submitted By: PatnMax
Though she knew it had grown to a fetus.
She felt rumblings come not from her uterous,
So the pregnancy thought,
Was a pregnancy not.
It was really her stomach quite tumorous.

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Submitted By: PatnMax
I knew a Jess looking for laboar.
So I said she should be a proffessore.
But the Mrs. Resources
Said "Whoa! Hold your horses"
We don't hire no dopped up old crack whores.

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Submitted By: PatnMax
I once knew a Christiane Why,
Who though tried couldn't satisfy guys.
Then a Calvin she met
Who said "Girl, don't you fret.
You won't gag my inadequate size."

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Submitted By: Ty
There was once a beautiful palace,
'Side the sea, with a vine covered trellis.
And where?.. ..Up beyond,
Yonder oaks, leafy frond,
Rose a turret, tall, shaped of mine phallus.

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Submitted By: Ty
A girl I once knew named Melania,
Used to lick her own boobs with her tongue, yeah!
But she'd suck them too hard,
For one day, on her yard,
They sprayed milk out, don't get any on ya!

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Submitted By: J
there was a young caveman named Ug
who stuck his plug in a jug.
said ug with a shrug
as he gave it a tug,
'Now ain't this a hell of a fug'

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Submitted By: Anonymous Coward
I wooed a stewed nude in Bermuda,
I was lewd, but my God! she was lewder.
She said it was crude
To be wooed in the nude-
I pusued her, subdued her, and screwed her!

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Submitted By: henry4ck
There once was a man from Goshem
Who took out his balls to Wash'em
His wife said JACK
If you don't put em BACK
I'll stand on the buggers and squash em

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Submitted By: sally
There was an old man on a bench
Who created a terrible stench
He had hairs up his nose
Where grass sometimes grows
And his wife was a stupid old wench

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Submitted By: Richard Plaistowe
Charlotte the harlot from hell
said, "I wish my body would sell,
But it seems that no buyer,
Is filled with desire,
By the peculiar way that I smell"

"I have serviced this town for years,
Since the days that gays were just queers
I provided most of the gentry,
With their first entry,
And now all I hear are their jeers".

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Submitted By: Richard Plaistowe
Bill, an Arkansian president,
While in the White House resident,
Did his staff of office display,
In a most unusual way,
Then claimed it was JFK's precedent.

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Submitted By: ???
There was a young girl of Surrey
Who only ate spicy curry
She tried a pie and
Stuck it up her nigh
That weird young lady of Surrey

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Mail Box Loony Limericks / webmaster@loonies.zzn.com / revised March 2001