Naughty Limericks

Page 28

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Submitted By: Eric West
A young lady from Ashton Le Stairs
Had five large breasts and seven small spares
there were four in a line
the effect was divine
whilst the others were formed up in squares

A young fellow from Brighton Le Sands
has sores on the palms of his hands
which look like a blister
and so does his sister
And they're both blind, or so one understands

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Submitted By: Eric West
There was a young man from Atlantis
Who took off an Amazon's panties
And took her to bed
Where she cut off his head
But he carried on, just like a Mantis

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Submitted By: Lynn Dover
Blow said the wind........Blow like me
Pucker your lips...It's easy as can be
I will try said the girl
....But why in the world
Did you address me as....Miss Lewinski

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Submitted By: LimRikLuvR
There once was an intern from Vermouth
Who was fired when she broke a tooth
Dictating a Bill
On Capital Hill
She could not pronounce Arkansooth

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Submitted By: Jon Tees
There was once a sailor from whales,
An Expert at pissing in gales,
He could piss in a jar
from the top-gallent spar.
Without even wetting the sails.

There was an old lady from Wheeling.
Who had a peculiar feeling.
She laid on her back
And opened her crack
And pissed all over the ceiling

There was an old lady of Ypres
Who got shot in the ass by some snipers,
And when she blew air
Through the holes that were there,
She astonished the cameron pipers.

I sat by the Dutches at tea
and she asked, "Do you fart when you pee?"
I said with some wit,
"Don you belch when you shit?
And felt it was one up for me.

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Submitted By: Jon Tees
There was an old scholar named Nick
who wrote latin and greek with his prick.
He peed a pecan
in the snow by a john
in a script more than three inches thick

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Submitted By: Jon Tees
There was a young lady of Newcastle
who wrapped up a turd in a parcel,
And sent it to a relation.
with this invitation-
"It has just come out from my arsehole"

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Submitted By: Chris
There was a young woman from Wild
Who kept herself quite undefiled
By thinking of Jesus,
Contagious diseases,
And the bother of having a child.

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Submitted By: Chris
As Titian was mixing rose madder
He spied a young nude on a ladder.
Her position, to Titian,
Suggested coition,
So he climbed up the ladder and had 'er.

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Submitted By: Chris
There was a young novice of Chichester
Whose form made the saints in their niches stir.
One morning at matins
Her bosom 'neath satins
Made the bishop of Chichester's britches stir.

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Submitted By: Antiviolence
There once was a guy named Dane,
Who liked to sing in the rain.
He made fun of an old man,
Who's name was Dan,
But then he got beat with a cane!

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Submitted By: Matthew Eldridge
There once was a man named Keith
Who circumcised men with his teeth
He didn't do it for leisure
Or sexual pleasure
But did it for the cheese underneath

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Submitted By: Scott Brobston
A sultan who likes his girls buxom
At ninety still often abducts 'em
And then they are led
To a sumptuous bed
In which he regretfully tucks 'em.

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Submitted By: Chris Papa
On Kristen's great Website please click,
Though some naughty limericks are sick,
Which you might disdain,
There's some sweet and plain,
And others that cut to the quick.

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Submitted By: Laura

There once was a man from South Ealing
Who found his prick highly appealing
But not to feel dumb
He made his hand numb
So it was like someone else he was feeling

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Submitted By: RE Heuberger
I knew an old geezer named Caesar
He tried O his darndest to please her
Though overly stout
And well-known as a lout
He managed to tickle and tease her !

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Submitted By: RuthE
I once knew a dame from Poughkeepsie
Who tucked away bootlegg-ed whiskey
She stuffed all her hockings
Beneath her blue stockings
One nip of her tuck made him tipsy !

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Submitted By: Terl
There once was a virgin at Penn State
Whose hunger just would not abate.
He said with a grin,
What a sin itd have been
If I ate out my date on a plate.

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Submitted By: Garry wyndowe
There once was a woman named Patti ,
Who was concerned about being a fatty,
She met a man named Garry,
Who was really quite scary,
And he bopped the fatty, off Patti !!

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Submitted By: Geoff
There once was a man from New York
Whose penis was shaped like a fork.
While screwing his wife,
Who was shaped like a knife
They could carve up a really nice pork!

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Submitted By: Bertie
A young lady was fond of a stunt
so she took of her clothes in a punt
she uncorked some Champaign
and without any shame
she sprayed it all over her front

A young lady with dubious style
liked to take off her clothes for a while
she'd get down on her knees
and mainly to please
she'd show off her verticle smile

A girl with magnificent tits
when dancing would wiggle her hips
a wonderful flirt
she'd lift up her skirt
and exhibit her sensuous lips

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Submitted By: brendan bourke
there was a young man named boc
who had a seventy inch cock
he fell off a chair
poll vaulted through the air
now he can wank with a sock!!

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Submitted By: stephen blighton
there was a young man who sent e-mails,
to various dubious females,
when axked what they said,
he just shook his head,
i'd rather not go into details.

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Submitted By: Dangerous Dave
To the penis of old Mr. Schuster
Was attached an electrical booster
In a screw with Miss Drew
his main rheostadt blew
and it felt like a snowblower had goosed her!

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Submitted By: Debbie M
There once was a guy named Dave
Who wanted a good close shave.
His razor did stick,
He cut off his dick
And now he's a eunich slave!

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Mail Box Loony Limericks / webmaster@loonies.zzn.com / revised February 2001