Submitted By: Benjamin Dover
There once was a nasty old ho
Who opened up a bakery sto
You might not find it funny
But she saved lots of money
Because she had her own yeast for the dough
Submitted By: Jon Tees
There was a young fellow from Yale
Whose face was exceedingly pale.
He spent his vacation
In self-masturbation
Because of the high price of tail.
Submitted By: Jon Tees
A widow whose singular vice
was to keep her late husband on ice.
Said "It's been hard since I lost him-
Ill never defrost him!
Cold comfort, but cheap at the price.
Submitted By: Jon Tees
There was a young fellow named Veach
Who fell fast asleep on the beach.
His dreams of nude women
Had his proud organ brimming
and Squirting on all within reach.
Submitted By: Jon Tees
There was a young man from Vancouver
Whose existence had lost its prime mover,
But its loss he supplied
with a peice of bull's hide
Two pears, and the bag from the Hoover.
Submitted By: Benjamin Dover
I know of a birthmark, wrote the scholar
That is shaped much like a silver dollar
It is on the spindle
Of my brother Windell
And he will gladly extend you a dollar
Submitted By: Benjamin Dover
...I was just wondering ....how long do you reckon a fellow can continue
to create limericks before he begins to repeat himself......(B.Dover) HAPPY
THANKSGIVING
Thomas Turkey was a handsome lugger
His wife was sure fond of his sugar
But on a Thanksgiving Morn
He was stuffed full of corn
By the cook, who was a bit of a Bugger
I once stopped a Turkey named Gobble
To ask why he walked with a wobble
The cook has been pressing
My arse full of Dressing
And it's give me a bit of a nobble
Submitted By: Benjamin Dover
As a child I had a puppy named Spot
Who swam daily in our chamber pot
I must truly admit
He stank like (crap)
But I loved that puppy a lot
Submitted By: Benjamin Dover
There once was a fellow named Jeter
Who had a skeeter alight on his peter
He said 'Goody Goody'
I see some free-boody
And he probed it one-sixth of a meter
Submitted By: Matt C
There once was a man named Spicolli
Who like to jack with his Ravioli
Loved boy's salad to toss
And drink their sauce
While holding his beefy stombolii
Submitted By: BenDover
That is no comet you see hurling past Mars
But the jubilant wife of the giant man Lars
She applied proper torque
Until he popped his cork
Then she launched into orbit among the stars
Submitted By: Dover
The Worlds'largest Gal and it's smallest man
Their Courtship was doomed from the day it began
The night they wed
He took her to bed
and nine months later he was born again
Submitted By: Barry
There was a young man from Rabaul
Who had a rectangular ball
The square of his date
plus his penis times eight
Was two-fifths of five-eights of fuck all.
Submitted By: Cheetah
Tarzan swing through the air
Natives see his arse is bare
Tarzan go home to good wife Jane
His noble face fill with pain
How say he lose her underwear?
Submitted By: Nick Holland
There was a young girl from Coleshill
Who sat one day on a moleshill
The resident mole
stuck his nose up her hole
Now Miss Coleshill alright but the mole's ill
Submitted By: Jon Tees
There was a young man who had the art
Of making a capital tart.
With a handful of shit,
Some snot and a spit
And he flavors the whole with a fart.
Submitted By: Tom Nessinger
There was a young lady from Phoenix,
Who stuffed her brassiere with some Kleenex.
She paid it no mind,
Since her boyfriend, in kind,
Used Scott Towels to augment his penix!
Submitted By: Punkin' Head
There lived a saintly girl from Sleepy Hollow
Who entertained the numerous men of the Wallow
When asked by Ichabod Crane:
"Have you a place I might drain?"
"No Thanks," she replied "I don't Swallow."
Submitted By: Ryan
There once was a man from Wisconsin
Who had a three foot long johnson
While milking his cow
He fell on his plow
And now sex is no fun
Submitted By: IMK
The passengers all were delighted,
The stewardesses too were excited,
Up there in the void,
They really enjoyed
The pleasure of flying United!
Submitted By: Eric West
A hapless young laddie from Poole
Had a nut on the end of his tool
When he went to unscrew it
His Pa said "dont do it,
or your arse will fall off, you young fool"!
Submitted By: Eric West
An old mathmetician named Hall
Wrote a theorom not hard to recall
To prove it was wrong
That the length of his Schlong
Was four fifths of five eighths of Fuck All
Submitted By: Sandy
There once was a man named Brewster,
Who said to his wife as he goosed her,
That used to be grand,
But just look at my hand,
Your not wiping as good as you used to!
Submitted By: IDIOMATICO
The general commanding Fort Totten
Had a habit both snobbish and rotten:
He made men of high ranks
Open left and right flanks
While their privates were mostly forgotten.
Submitted By: Lindjha
There once was a girl who said, "No"
and all the boys called her a "Ho"
and when she was asked why
she simply replied
I have a warm dildo at home.
Loony Limericks / webmaster@loonies.zzn.com / revised November 1999