Subject: NEW CSIS Department Company Policies
DRESS CODE:
It is advised that you come to work dressed
according to your salary; if we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers &
carrying a $600 Gucci bag, we can assume you are doing well financially and
therefore you do not need a raise.
SICK DAYS:
We will no longer accept a doctor statement as
proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to
come to work.
SURGERY:
Operations are now banned. As long as
you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not
consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something
removed constitutes a breach of employment.
PERSONAL DAYS:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
year.... They are called Saturday & Sunday.
VACATION DAYS:
All employees will take their vacation at the
same time every year. The
vacation days are as follows: Jan. 1, July 4 & Dec. 25.
BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:
This is no excuse for missing work.
There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or coworkers.
Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements.
In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be
scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through
your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of
the work is done.
OUT FROM YOUR OWN DEATH:
This will be accepted as an excuse.
However, we require at least two weeks notice as it is your duty to train your
own replacement.
REST ROOM USE:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the
rest room. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in
alphabetical order. For instance, all employees whose names begin with 'A'
will go from 8:00 to 8:20, employees whose names begin with 'B' will go from
8:20 to 8:40 and so on. If you're unable to go at your allotted time, it will be
necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In
extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a coworker. Both
employees' supervisors in writing must approve this exchange. In addition,
there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of
three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, and the
stall door will open.
LUNCH BREAK:
Skinny people get an hour for lunch, as they
need to eat more so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 30
minutes for lunch to get a for lunch because that's all the time needed to drink
a Slim Fast & take a diet pill.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation's, consternation's or input should be directed elsewhere.
Have a nice week,
Management
Gina Jerry
Santa Monica College
1900 Pico Blvd.
Santa Monica, CA 90405
phone: 310-434-4686
jerry_gina@smc.edu