On the way home tonight from a meeting in Ft Collins... a grey fur ball streaked accross my headlight beam and THUNKIRKNK ... damn

 

Driving a touch down the road.. do I go back, do I assume it just got mushed? should I leave it to get hit again? do I ignore it? I mean it was a blur and I did not even have a chance to flinch... and I was spot on the speed limit and all that ...

 

Well, I went back... it was a young cat, and still alive, and got up and hobbled on three legs off... and when I finally did catch it.... well, it really sucks sometime trying to do the right thing when forced by complete circumstance into something and then... damn it. It died in my hands. It was likely a stray as it had tape worm bits on it's butt, it was just a year or less old, and why.

 

If I just drove off would I have felt better? Do I feel better knowing more detail? what is this damn ethics and morality thing damn it.

 

To bear the weight of reality of living of engaging life and living with the daily grind rather then run....

 

is not easy.

 

 

 

.... The feeling I got from the little creature was of constant chaos of no tranquility of constant adrenaline.   my cats at home have it nice, in there sheltered home.

 

So why do I seek adrenaline? Am I not feeling alive? is it that I am just wired to be in a higher adrenaline place? and with out the input, get a blase` feeling? Last sunday I really was struggleing with people around me hooking up in relationships and connecting and me not. And, after riding with my daughter, with the pumpkin kiddo, on the mt bikes, and she did awsome, I felt better. Look at the picure down below this entry... that is a good smile i have... the smile of real joy....

 

arg. tooo much caffiene 2 night.

 

 

This blog (http://home.earthlink.net/~justinthered/outofchaos/2004.04.01_arch.html)

had a nice date with a sweet heart the other day and...

She indicated there was not 'that spark' ... I thought about it and determined I have given up on the special spark, the special spark makes great summer time lovers but... my take is that there are people with whom there are the Celestine moments with, more of an clarity with and then there are people whom are sincere, loving, and capable of having relationships with integrity and compassion and communication. Both are just as valid and in the long term... what I seek. As has been said, dancing can happen anytime any age... can't always ski or race motorcycles or rewire the electric and reroof the garage.

 

That special spark seems more pheromone driven, more bacchanalian in roots. It is an interesting question... what does one want in life in a partner? How many same activities are needed to be good? How many activities that are different are needed so each person has their own life? As I date folks that have tons of the same things in common and just a few things that are in common... I realize that the 'what is in common' question is a bit of an attachment to preconceived ideas about finding a someone whom may not exist. A person may come along and if my mind is focused on this particular shopping list of attributes... I would suspect I would miss that person; she would walk right on by. What a drag that could be eh?

 

But if I step back and look for attributes that are in nature, not as specific as 'riding a mountain bike around Walker Ranch Trails as fast as I' or 'can sport climb 5.10 and up' and look for attributes that are at the foundation level of a person's being... like 'communicates from the 'I' place and owns feelings' and 'laughs at life's triumphs and tragedies so as to have a lightness of being' and has 'a tenacity for trying new things and sticking it out when the going gets hard' then I think I could be more fruitful in locating a person with whom a long lasting friendship companionship and rewarding times can be with.

 

Cause you never know until you are there, where there is going to be.

 

> Les deviations dans la vie, sont-ils les avenues vraies ou les avenues fausses ?

 

or

 

> The deviations in life, are they the true road or the false road?

 

Hi Justin...I spent some time on your BLOG and found

it quite interesting and stimulating...I think we have

alot in common. I also checked out the photos and am

just not feeling that spark of chemistry so necessary

in pursuing a romantic relationship. Best of luck in

your journey!

 

http://www.aish.com/dating/advice/Dating_Advice_109_-_The_Missing_Spark.asp

Dear Rosie & Sherry,

I'm in a difficult quandary. I've been dating a wonderful man for two months. The problem is, we have now stopped dating. Why? Because he doesn't have that feeling of butterflies, of romance, of excitement.

I must admit that while I don't feel those things either, we have so much in common (life goals and values), and have fun together, both respect each other a great deal, and feel physical attraction to each other.

So my question is: Is that "spark" able to be created? Or is it just there, or not there?

I feel like I'm losing someone really special because of this abstract thing. Any advice would be appreciated.

Ellen

Dear Ellen,

Images of romance fostered by novels, movies and TV have created a generation of men and women who have very unrealistic expectations about their relationships. The truth is that the "spark" that this man was looking for is an overrated myth. It isn't necessary for a courtship, nor for the majority of happy, loving, enduring marriages, it wasn't ever present.

Yes, there are some people who feel an intense, almost instant attraction... "fireworks," "electricity," a "spark." They feel drawn to each other even though they know nothing about each other's values, personal qualities, expectations, or if their personalities are compatible. It could be that they have a strong "chemical" reaction, or a personal "magnetism" that makes them feel as if they've known each other all their lives.

Is this instant attraction a barometer by which we could measure the likelihood that two people have met their future life partners? Of course not! The vast majority of people who feel a strong connection from the outset end up breaking up a few months later. That's because the "electricity" wears off, and when it does, many of these people realize that they don't have very much in common, nor do they share values or life goals. Frequently they were so blinded by infatuation that they didn't see that the other person had serious flaws, or that they never developed more than a superficial connection.

Sometimes, two people who feel an instant attraction stay together for the long haul. That's because they were fortunate enough to have compatible values, goals and personalities, and because these qualities enabled them to build depth to their relationship. When the infatuation faded, they may not have even noticed because they had gradually built a close, trusting, emotionally intimate friendship that became the cornerstone of their marriage.

As we mentioned earlier, the majority of couples who achieve this level of emotional intimacy completely skip the "sparks." These relationships develop gradually. Sometimes, they are interested in each other from the time they first meet, and other times, it takes a few dates before they realize there may be possibilities between them. Some people don't even feel physical attraction until their second, third or fourth date, when they recognize that their dating partner's looks are "growing" on them. Over a month or two or three, these fortunate men and women realize that they care very much for each other, accept each other's strengths and weaknesses, and share the gifts of emotional connection, mutual respect and admiration, and physical attraction.

Some people may call this sensation "falling in love," but we don't like to use this term. That's because genuine love between a man and a woman develops during marriage, as they go through life's ups and downs together. A couple that shares these qualities, as well as compatible goals and values, has the foundation for a great marriage.

It seems that you and the man you were dating were moving toward such a relationship. Not only is it a shame that he broke up with you because a mythical expectation never materialized, but if he continues to embrace this belief he may never give a promising relationship a chance. Is it possible that you can discuss these ideas with him and see if he would like to reconsider his decision?

If he is willing to reconsider, we'd like to suggest two steps that can help him sort out what he really feels about you, and what he expects. The first is for him to find a happily married friend, relative, rabbi, former teacher, neighbor, etc. who can be a mentor and sounding board for him. Single friends can't play this role; they often reinforce negative stereotypes and unrealistic expectations.

The second is for both of you to read the first few chapters of our book, "In The Beginning." It will help both of you to better understand the dynamics at play here, and decide whether you wish to continue the path toward marriage.

We hope that our answer has been helpful, and wish you the best of luck.

Rosie & Sherry

 

Conclusion?

 

Well, one, be thankful that both these people where not interested because who needs to spin much energy into one so presumptive and focused on an unattainable thing? In other words, I would never measure up. In other words… wish them luck and write them off as lost souls in the process of searching. In other words, just because they both were (are) damn cute, says nothing about what is inside.

 

So… I am just about done I think with having an online profile and searching online for a match/mate and bugger that, will just frolic about more in the real world and see if I can hookup with folks who actually have integrity and courage to live in life rather then live in a bubble.

 

Carpe Diem

 

 

she dun did good

 

And PDM took one of me too!

 

We went to PINE RIDGE in Fort Collins... http://www.co.larimer.co.us/parks/ParkAreas.htm these two pics are on the Tree Line Loop... notice the rocks in the trail... PDM cleared most stuff, choosing only to walk a little bit of stuff. She is a prudent kid. Makes a two wheeled junky dad proud!

 

 

 

 

 

The Bill of Rights Institute
... questions. Does the Federal government have the Constitutional power to
suspend the Constitution during a time of crisis? Explain. ...
www.billofrightsinstitute.org/ categories.php?op=newindex&catid=8 - 29k - Cached - Similar pages

 

 

 

Roy Thomas Casey of Duschesne Utah never saw a mule standing in his lane in the road last Tuesday as he went to work driving Eastbound on Rt 40 as the sun crested the horizon.... Tom died instantly as did the old mule that plowed through the passenger compartment of the late model Ford Mercury. Neither was likely to feel it.

 

I found out Thur at noon and was on the road by 2pm to make the 7 - 8 hour drive to Northern Utah. I took the bike.

 

This is Tom's saddle. The procession followed with immediate family on horseback and Tom's pine casket in a wagon pulled by a team, the town and most of the county showed up for the viewing and ceremony and burial. He will be missed. Cowboy's live large, and Tom was all cowboy.

 

In a poetic passage, Bahá'u'lláh described the actions of the moral individual :

Be generous in prosperity, and thankful in adversity. Be worthy of the trust of thy neighbor, and look upon him with a bright and friendly face. Be a treasure to the poor, an admonisher to the rich, an answerer of the cry of the needy, a preserver of the sanctity of thy pledge. Be fair in thy judgment, and guarded in thy speech. Be unjust to no man, and show all meekness to all men. Be as a lamp unto them that walk in darkness, a joy to the sorrowful, a sea for the thirsty, a haven for the distressed, an upholder and defender of the victim of oppression. Let integrity and uprightness distinguish all thine acts. Be a home for the stranger, a balm to the suffering, a tower of strength for the fugitive. Be eyes to the blind, and a guiding light unto the feet of the erring. Be an ornament to the countenance of truth, a crown to the brow of fidelity, a pillar of the temple of righteousness, a breath of life to the body of mankind, an ensign of the hosts of justice, a luminary above the horizon of virtue, a dew to the soil of the human heart, an ark on the ocean of knowledge, a sun in the heaven of bounty, a gem on the diadem of wisdom, a shining light in the firmament of thy generation, a fruit upon the tree of humility.

 

 

 

the other... is a 'self describing' from ... 2001

 

Some say I look like Chuck Norris. Some say I look like Vincent VanGough. I say I have never been able to get away with anything being one of the few people with red hair in my area where I grew up. I was always easily picked out in a crowd. Vermont, my State of origin, is as culturally diverse as a box of tissue paper. During High school I was the only person wearing cowboy boots. During college I was one of the few not drinking and puking in the weekend zone. I was, I am, different. Always have been.

Still remember my first poem. Walking home from school at age seven, a flock of birds did a fly by of my head and I stopped. The sound captivated me. The sound of whirring wings. The visual of the flock of separate creatures flying in unison and not colliding into each other. Who was deciding which way to go? Why did they stick together? Questions. Questions started early.
As a visual person, and an ex-adrenaline endorphin junkie I loved running through the woods with my dog as fast as I could. This turned into love of flying through the woods on skis as fast as I could and as often as I could.

What happened to this poetic endorphin junkie living in Colorado in the State of America in the Northern Hemisphere of Gia? I only skied one time last year! Can you believe that insanity? It is called parenthood.
Becoming a parent was my first real and I mean real sense of becoming. I all of a sudden was holding in my arms a child. All of a sudden I was having a feeling like none other. Better than waking just below the ridge of a mountain in a snow cave in a real warm sleeping bag looking at the sun bursting from the clouds and from the horizon and from humanity. Better then tasting hollandaise on home smoked bacon for the first time with a mouth of still smoking croissant. Better then the eye rolling ecstasy of the moment when sex is not an explosive short and quick but is a dance. And...
you just danced for hours leading up to all existence disappearing into nothingness as the room dissolves. Dissolves into the only thing you see just before your eyes role into the back of your head is the depth and the softness of the curve of the belly button of your lover. I have yet to experience a becoming that is more etched in my psyche and space and memories than the moment I first quietly held my daughter close to my soul and held her and felt her weight. Felt her breath. Felt that I just become a father.
But, now I see her every other day and now just how am I to maintain sanity with out a release of energy some place some how? During marriage my time was spent like a shell cartridge smoking and hot from the barrel of a gun after the explosion. My energy was tied into a space attempting to hang on and salvage a relationship that was consuming my very memories. Time was gone just like that ten years passed. My sanity used to be kept in check with skiing or racing a motorcycle or climbing a rock face or drinking the fifth cup of coffee in an hour on an empty stomach with sunglasses on and a notebook in hand.

Or is it desired to slip into the insanity and to question from THAT place the post modern materialist nihilist hollow point of view of arrogant bourgeois Americana suburban machine life shit that I am a part of. How is sanity maintained? On my own personal icon of status that's how. My Old BMW motorcycle adventure GS tour series massive all around good at nothing go anywhere and often fast in the canyon motorcycle with a simple I can fix it in my garage design. Well this icon was the final straw that pushed a strained marriage over the brink when this married man picked up a bike after years of not having one and one year later the bike is in the garage and the soon to be ex-wife is in a different town.

Ok, so now I can sing the blues. With out the pain, the emotions never feel as real. With out hardship, the good times get boring. Too bad inspiration has a price. Yet I know that with this pain, with this living, with time again to read, I will spew like Cooleridge, Rilke, Kerouac or Morrison. With this pain, will come inspiration to create again.

And to ask the questions.

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ and now  ~~~~~~~~~~~

 

I need to eat food and do some real cleaning in this house of mine... cleaning that would make me mom proud.... the dust bunnies are forming ranks and I MUST do something about it before I find I am an the land of Lilliput.

 

c|:^p

 

 

I recently sold some of my Airhead (blue bike) parts... motor tranny final drive etc etc that I had as spares... and ... bought a used Mountain Bike... called the BIGHIT from Specialized (http://www.specialized.com) this thing has 6 plus inches of travel.. it is catagorically a FreeRide bike... lighter then a downhiller, heavier then a trailbike or cross country... I figure I would go a bit extreme on the side from the 16 year old bike I have been riding over these trails in Colorado... which constist of a lot of Rocky Mountain rock... big hills, decents that jar your teeth out, small 1-3 foot drops that scare the folks that hike the trails... 'you gonna ride THAT!'

 

yup

 

I took it out on Devils Backbone and it ate up the off camber rock that is a sandstone base type, last night went up Coyote Ridge trail and .. yeah it climbs different and yeah it is pushing 40 pounds of steel... grunt ME HEMAN ug...

 

:^p  he he right...    but, it goes off the 3 foot retaining wall near my house and it while still getting used to, is fun.

 

and since I did that... I upgrade Phaelan's bike too. She had Red Thunder.. since she was 3. So we call this Purple Peddler her early 7th birthday present... it has 24" wheels and 21 speeds and handbrakes and a front shock.

 

see......