Just be bopped through this www.Salon.com story ( http://tinyurl.com/3gd9o ) and it raises a question.... how does what scares us, control us for good or bad? I have asked myself this question in regards to blogs, and in regards to journals and dreams and written stories. One reason I have been reticent to fully disclose true nature is that I have a child and more to the point, an ex wife who, while she has many many good qualities, being an ex with reasons for being an ex, there are times when I get concerned will she use that unduly against me? I am sure that this essential thought is true for everything really. Like, will my boss find this and it effect her view of me? or will my customers get uncomfortable and choose another vendor after reading my stuff I put out there? So, just how  much does fear enter in our decisions? To me it begs the question about what really governs morality. Cause it seems to be fear. Fear of perdition, fear of jail, fear of death. How do we transform from a place where our descisions are driven from... out of fear? I have a diverse library of spirituality concerns from most all angles of thought. Western Eastern Newage and from the point of view of philosophy psychology and while I have not read every word in every book, the answer to my question has not yet blossomed in front of me like a sunrise after a dark night. A good thing is that the dark does not scare me anymore. Ever since I had some dreams where I confronted 'demons in the dark' and realized that they were manifestations of my own self, I have been increasingly comfortable with just who I am. Less worried about what others think becuase I will stand up to my choices and clearly state, 'yup, that seemed the best option at the moment.' Of course fears are still there, I feel the grip in the stomach and bead of sweat down the spine at times, but that is to be human. I do find I am now learning more from what scares me then I used to. That is good.

Wired magazine online always has good stories.

 

Skiiing, it used to be not as fun. You know after skiing since I was 4 or 5 myself, ski bumming for couple of seasons, and just plan old equipment, being able to do all forms of ski and board, it just gets... well boring.

 

BUT, skiing with your six year old... now that makes a new dimension.

 

Went out with my buddy and his two daughters, 7 and 9, and my girl who is 6 made for a fun time. It is a new light when experiencing fun things, or just things again, vicariously through the eyes of a kid.

 

The goofiest was my skiing backwards watching the three kids following, and as well as skiiing in lead and having the kids follow in snake pattern. aka, mimicing my turns. You see the last run was close to white out winds, hard to see and so they followed my lead down the hill.  A little dragon path on a snowy day.

Girl:Hi remember me?
Girl:It's J......
Boy: hey
Girl:What ya doin?
Boy: glad u are here!
Boy: i am updating a blog
Girl:I don't know about those blogs...
Boy: then going to try and config email on a new domain i just bought... www.rm-mi.net
Girl:sounds like a good thing
Boy: blog is like a chat page...
Boy: but just out there static
Girl:Ok
Boy: one sec i willsend a link... it is benign
Girl:sounds good
Boy: http://home.earthlink.net/~justinthered/outofchaos/
Boy: i am just goofing with it ... you are the only one that knows of it.
Girl:really? I feel so special.
Girl:my msn roadband went down...PPP down i guess so I am temporarily using dial up...Pissed at Qwest
Boy: ... broadband... why do have the bandwith?
Boy: i could use higher bandwith, i have dailup...
Girl:I guess I thought I needed high speed internet...
Boy: i am close to a bank and the central switch phone company house, should be able to get it, but all services quick check say i can not.
Boy: so you sail and ride motorcycles?
Girl: I meant braodband... I just accepted your invitation
Girl: Did I say I sail?
Girl: I raft and canoe and sea kayak...
Boy: i thought you said you were olympic skipper
Girl: Oh yes!
Boy: what kind of canoe and which see kayak
Girl: sea kayak
Boy: so, then what is olypic skipper
Girl: I have done a bit f rowing in my time...
Boy: no, what brand, model, necky? sea otter?
Girl: I can skip like the dickens!
Boy: i used to sell them and give clinics
Boy: i have a flat water k1 ... old glass boat
Girl: I don't own my own but I rent and go with a good friend who owns a few...he is always trying to get folks together to go to the BAHA!
Boy: so, to me an olympic skipper is a person who sails the likes of force 5  two person boats
Girl: wow cool
Girl: and you live near some water?
Boy: i grew up on flat water, canoe and kayaks and a small sailing skiff with a drop keel and a cat rigged sail
Girl: I have sailed with friends and I enjoy it, but I don't know how to sail alone...
Boy: there is a small pond that has water in spring and is open to paddle in up here in loveland. it is like a rowing shell, calm calm stuff and go straight, fast
Boy: so what is the olympic stuff? you were the chick on the back of the row shell steering?
Girl: I loce swimming and hiking and runing and olympic skipping!
Girl: love
Boy:
Boy: what IS olympic skipping?
Girl: I can skip....I'd have to you along to show you the fun!
Boy: frolicking in daisies in a giingham dress with your hair down at sunset in august?
Boy: is THAT what you mean you goofy girl?
Girl: It's like aerobic skipping that's better for your knees than running...
Boy: must be hell on the sneakers  
Girl: I skipped down Aspen Mountain black diamond run faster and easier than two runner geeks
Boy: i am envisioning opus of berkely breathed frolicking
Girl: I ran down in Chakos...with a little athletic tape for my toes!
Girl: Yeah yeah...go ahead
Boy: is there like a skipping web page?
Girl: no not yet silly
Girl: I am the only one I know so far...
Boy: u can start a new craze then, like garden gnomes
Boy: skipping therapy
Boy: aroma skipping
Boy: commuter skipping
Girl: Yes I will need inernet help fr this....Well I gotta get off line now internet broken and limited use, but now you have my IM address and I will catch you when you are on....
Boy: shoping isle skipping
Boy: i usually run invisible
Boy: cloaked
Boy: hidden
Girl: I am very good at these too, but best at Olympic Skipping...It good with dogs too!
Boy: silly
Boy: you are silly
Girl: OK, I will just send them vicariously then...
Boy: have a sillousnesshous night
Boy:
Girl: Seriously
Girl: what's that?
Boy: sillousnesshous?
Boy: is is a made up word, like supercalifragalistic
Girl: I call  it Sillysynchronicity
Boy: oooooh, that works too
Girl: or Sillystringchronicity
Boy: silly in the city
Girl: Sillysynicism
Boy: u go girl
Girl: Yeah I am...
Girl: I will read up on your blog....you just started it?
Boy: just ... it is mindless meaningless and trivial
Girl: is it a webdialog?
Girl: weblog?
Boy: like a webmonolog
Girl: ok you are talking to yourself then?
Boy: yeah, that is where te word comes from
Boy: babbling barbarosa
Boy: better then mumbling marvin
Boy: or drueling darin
Girl: I just heard Bill Mahr do a great job at that last night at the Boulder Theater. It was great!
Boy: he is good
Girl: Jabbering J.......
Boy: jockular justin
Girl: justme jabbin J........
Girl: I hope to hear from you soon...
Boy: you will
Girl: also justme.....
Boy: be forward.. as i am busy and get distracted...
Boy: be forward and tag me sometime
Girl: Have a good night
Girl: How do I tag?
Boy: ditto
Boy: tag, as in reach out and touch some one? at&t ring ring
Boy: tag your it
Boy: kick the can?
Boy: games
Boy: sillysynchronistically
Girl: I don't have a # to ring ring...
Boy: i dont have yours either  ...
Girl: well then what do we do?
Boy: i am not into long phone calls, rather do tea or beer or coffee, phone is good for scheduling
Boy: IM is good for silly chat
Boy: specially since i am longdistance from boulder
Girl: I agree, especially since all my roommates use this line and internet is down..so dial up is additional annoyance
Boy: i can give you my mobile only if you agree to use it to coordinate tea times
Boy: my alloofness is more of shortness of time and long in tasks
Boy: does that make sence?
Girl: DO we IM or call eachother for a tea chat or hike?
Boy: call
Girl: Yes me too. the same
Boy: 303,,,,,,
Boy: cell phone
Boy: 24/7
Girl: what? you don't sleep?
Boy: um, it is always on, with me, reachable
Boy: unless like when i am in mts and or on motorcycle
Girl: what about when you go to sleep?
Boy: what be your number o fair jasmine?
Boy: i sleep like from 12-6
Boy: i made my housemate get his own phone line...
Girl: mine is 303..... you can call anytime because I turn it off from 12-10am I pick up messages when the light blinks!
Boy: cause i use this as my dail up... my land line
Girl: I'm tryin to do that now, but nobaody wants to spend the money!
Boy: well, i will schedule a trip to the boulder lib for research and tea then
Girl: Oh you're home now?
Boy: i did not give hime a choice
Boy: yes
Boy: next to the fish tank in the living room
Girl: too late for me, i did
Girl: cool, enjoy the relaxation!
Boy: so do you have a good time this week for tea?
Boy: i have a meeting wed
Boy: and my kid tue and thur evenings
Girl: I have afternoon days off all this week.
Girl: and tues and thurs eve I work
Boy: may be thurs am then
Girl: Wed I am going to Ft Collins to look at a job and I am off either fri or Sat I can't remember which
Boy: hmmm, i have my meeting wed in ft collins
Boy: i live in old town loveland
Boy: near the newstand coffee/magazine shop
Girl: Wow, And I haven't been there for years!
Girl: Ft Collins that is
Boy: i have a busy weekend coming up
Girl: I haven't been to Loveland in a while either
Boy: i can be in fort collins in 15 minutes
Boy: from my house
Boy: i dont recall the time of the meeting on wed.... my calender is in the kitchen
Girl: Wowww. I am going with a friend who is moving back there  and is gonna show me a back route that takes 25 minutes
Girl: he says
Boy: he is lying
Girl: That's what I a have been told
Boy: it is hour to boulder from loveland
Boy: i know all the roads very very well
Girl: It's over an hour by taking 119
Boy: i speed
Boy: zzoom zoom
Girl: Well I'm taking my watch...
Girl: I don't like to.... but It depends on the car
Boy: i climb in fort collins on north end of town on monday nights, do you rock climb
Girl: You gotta your mototcycle, I bet you do!
Girl: I boulder, but I wanna learn to rock climb...
Boy: sanistas park some time then
Boy: boulder time
Girl: Ok I gotta go before the roomies come home!
Boy: .. me too, i gotto make a big meal...
Girl: I'm outtahere!
Boy: i am hungry
Boy: ciao
Girl: me too me too
Boy:
Girl: Hey o fair!
Girl: no fair!
Boy:
Girl: I can't do that...
Girl: or that?
Boy: : ( | )
Girl: gimme a good one!
Boy: close togher is monky
Girl: l)
Boy: < ) : ) is cowboy
Boy: no spaces
Girl: : ( l )
Boy: try again, no spaces
Girl: l)
Girl: I gotta MAC
Girl:
Boy: oh.
Boy: i have a color classic
Girl:
Boy: but, this is a new p4
Girl: is that PC?
Boy: color classic sis a mac from like 88
Girl: this is a g4 cube
Boy: oooooooooo
Girl: it's really cool!
Boy: sexy
Girl:
Girl: very
Boy: the mac
Girl:
Boy: i dont really know what you looklike and therefore how sexy you are
Boy: tho
Boy: skippy... i would wager you turn heads....
Girl: You never saw my photo?
Boy: with your zest for zanny
Boy: once.. did not snag a copy.. you and 3 other people
Boy: ... you got one out there someplace?
Girl: yeah Ok that's one
Boy: please send me one then justi.....
Boy:
Boy: you have seen lots of me, yes
Girl: no not any more... I kept getting offers from weirdos
Girl: Yes I saw many of you.... you seem sweet
Boy:
Girl: and your daughter too...
Girl: I won't put them up on the net anymore...
Boy: understandable
Girl: I  have been freaked out too many times lately
Girl: I like to keep it siimple
Boy: fen shui of online
Boy: can you email mail me somethign so when we get coffee i know you... or you could just skip into whereever
Boy: and so if a blond skipps up to me I will go... hi J
Girl: Is that like Feng shui?
Boy: yeah
Girl: Here I'll send one now OK?
Boy: Namaste
Girl: Sorry I had to talk to roomates...I'll send another later
Boy: it came thru as blank
Boy: 9 bytes
Boy: 0
Boy:
Girl: I'll try again
Girl: I have none of just ME cause No one takes them I have ones of me with others at worka nd Halloween parties!
Boy: hmmm, no luck
Girl: bummer
Boy: zero bytes again
Girl: shall I try again?
Boy: email
Girl: or send it to your e-mail?
Boy: justi....
Girl: address is just.....
Boy: yes, home address
Girl: I'll send you a few group shots...
Girl: that's all I have right now.
Boy: ok
Boy:
Boy: thanks
Girl: Have a good night
Girl: Namaste
Boy: blessings and butterfly dreams
Girl: Thank You...
Girl: You too
Girl:
Boy: <
Boy: no not that
Boy: <
Boy: <
Boy: dang
Boy:
Boy: there... he he huggy
Girl: Oh nice huggy guy
Boy: hugs good     > : D <
Girl: No more devils for me... I'm scared
Boy: no spaces
Boy:
Girl: Thank You

i have had a good one. my kid and i went to the gym on saturday and rockclimbed. sunday morning went on a mt bike ride up coyote ridge trail in larimer county with 4 other guys, then after lunch a freind shows up, pays for my lunch and says,.... come on lets go for a short motorcycle ride... kind of like paying for her keeping her harley in my garage... free lunch

I just bought some domains... pacs-admins.com/net/org and rm-mi.com/net/org for this cool idea that I am working on with this other fellow. Talk about wild. The idea is that so many people are getting older see, and the hospitols are heading towards homogenous data see, and it is all a new emerging market see, so we are getting a plan together to facilitate the transitions from old systems to integrated systems. Rocky Mountain Medical Informatica is being born! ... http://www.rm-mi.net will just have a page set on it and the other domains will redirect....

Honey, I Shrunk the URL
March 16, 2004 Wired News
Honey, I Shrunk the URL Among Web savants, TinyURL.com has become an indispensable tool for shortening unwieldy URLs before dispatching them in e-mails or IMs. They have a fanatical unicyclist to thank for the site. By Katie Dean. By Katie Dean 2:00 a.m. March 16, 2004 PDT Kevin Gilbertson has an in

Out of Chaos Beauty is born. Here I sit for a minute during trying times and setting up new ideas and testing out new modus operandi. In a chaotic life time, this cross roads unfolds to a bit of opportunity. I will test these blog waters in a simple form.

 

Namaste to those who stumble in while I have not proclaimed anyplace this space.