Loki's Date with
the "Virgin" Mary
Once upon a time there was a young Jewish girl named Mary. One day, while she was out in the barn mucking out the stall of the family donkey, Herod, she poured out her heart to her long-eared friend: "Herod, I'm done for. My sweet Centurion, Panthera, promised to be careful, but he wasn't, and now he's been transferred to Alexandria. I'm knocked up and they're gonna stone me for sure! Jehovah isn't going to help me; he's the one that made up that stupid rule to begin with. I sure could use some help- even from a Pagan God!"
At that moment, a large spider slid down a thread hanging from the barn roof. "Sure is a funny-looking horse you've got there. I had a horse once, literally, but that's another story."
"What, a talking spider?"
"Tell you what, Mary, old Loki's gonna help you. Take this little silk bag, and mix the powder inside into the jug of wine your dad's keeping for your engagement feast. Make sure that old geezer Joe gets a snootful, then announce to everyone that you're going to be the virgin mother of their savior. Trust me, once they've had a dose of what's in that bag, they'd even believe that that horse-thing of yours was the REAL King Herod, but don't push your luck!"
"Well, I don't know, but I suppose it's worth a try, seeing as I've got nothing to lose..."
"Get a move on now, girl! We'll discuss my reward later."
The next week, Mary whistled a happy tune as she attended to her habitual stall-mucking. "Well, Loki, it worked. Old Joe's babbling about angels and treating me like a Queen!"
"Worked, schmerked. Of course it worked. Before it's over, they'll put you up on a pedestal as Queen of Heaven. Not to mention the little bastard (no offense intended): they'll think he's Jehovah himself. That boy - did I tell you it's gonna be a boy- is gonna help me settle some old scores- some REAL old scores," gloated the spider. "These southern flies of yours sure are big and juicy. I've enjoyed my vacation here, but it's time to head home. Which brings me to the subject of my reward," chuckled the spider, transforming himself into a handsome young man with red hair.
As Mary glanced admiringly up and down his slim but muscular form, Loki knew it was payday. "Well, my dear," he whispered into her ear, "you can't get any more pregnant than you already are, now, can you?"...
last modified 07/20/2003