DUNGEONS & DRAGONS

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      When movies are this bad, your only enjoyment (albeit slight) is in seeing how much worse it can possibly get. Obviously it can, and does in fact here. Jeremy Irons and Bruce Payne give what are undoubtedly the worst performances of their career. (That’s quite a feat if you think about it.) Never have I seen performers this good be so unbelievably hammy, chewing on almost every word. It’s just embarrassing! Thora Birch, who plays the princess, is so awful that she may beat out Sofia Coppola (THE GODFATHER: Part III) for worst screen performance ever. That’s not easy to say because I liked Thora, up until AMERICAN BEAUTY that is. I don’t know, maybe she thought she was playing Queen Amidala or something. :-)

      Honestly, the sinking feeling I had during this flick is almost incalculable, I kid you not. Thankfully, we now know of two definitive signs to be on the lookout for in the future. One, if out of nowhere, you’re hit with an onslaught of previews for two weeks straight, and none before that, before a film’s release…Warning! Second, if your lead actor (Irons) says he’s only doing it so he can buy some posh mansion (or something like that)…better skip it!



= Perfection ½ = Excellent = Great ½ = Very Good = Good

½ = Okay = Okay / Bad ½ = Bad = Really Awful!!!  0 = Rhymes with HIT