My Girlfriend

My girlfriend is fickle, so I gave her a tickle, in a very sensitive place.

She started to giggle, she started to wriggle and then she slapped my face.

She may not be Russian, but she gave me a concussion and even a filling came loose.

She came to my place and put ice on my face, so I reached around and gave her a goose.

My Waitress

My waitress is chipper, for I’m a big tipper, even when I’m just having tea.

I can order anything, and feel just like a king, ‘cause she always wants to serve me.

Now, the food I do savor, I enjoy every flavor, I just have one small complaint.

With closing time near, I say ‘I’ll walk you home, dear.’ she says ‘Not tonight you ain’t.

For I am a mother, and I don’t need a lover. At least not one your age.’