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Bazzi was
raised in the arid Arab deserts. Trained as a swordsman, he
quickly became a legend in his own time, able to slice through the most
skilled of opponents. After only 6 years of study, he was regarded as the
greatest fighter ever.
But his great renown meant that few ever challenged him. His mere presence
inspired such fear that he could command those around him without being
questioned. Demanding nothing short of the best and getting it quickly
began to degrade his abilities, and generated apathy for life. Relaxing
in his leather padded recliner, eating pork rinds, and watching Baywatch
reruns soon became his only reason for being.
However, his apathy would also become his inspiration. Upon receiving
his 1st "Remote Control", he determined that *all* life should be as
easy. But after having his 11 sons search for 3 months on the internet,
they could find no remote control which would instantly deliver his pork
rinds to his lap.
Disappointed with his sons' efforts, Bazzi set out to find a way himself.
He traveled to the distant (anything beyond the kitchen) land of
Alexandria, wherein he sought the ancient texts of knowledge once thought
destroyed along with the great library of the Egyptians. Driven by his
passion for laziness, he stumbled onto texts describing the forgotten art
of teleportation. It was no remote control, but it would do.
He quickly learned, practiced, and excelled at his new abilities, able
even to instantly retrieve the remote control from atop the coffee table
into his hand at a whim, or teleport himself from his recliner to the
toilet without so much as bending to a standing posture.
But at age 40, he started having doubts about his life. 40 years, and what
had he accomplished? "The World's Greatest Apathat" hardly sounded
impressive. In fact, the word "Apathat" didn't even sound like a real
word. Starting right then and there, he decided, he would start making a
difference in the world again! As soon as that commercial he liked was
over.
Taking up his old twin swords, he again became world-renowned for his
skills with a blade. But his delight for inactivity still showed through.
Instead of chasing after his would-be prey, he would teleport them
instantly in front of him, so that they could be dealt with without the
hassle of running or moving excessively.
He hopes one day to fight with a sword that contains a miniature TV.
Character and story: Dave Eaton
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