In 1940 two Special Pioneers were going from store to store in Grand Coulee, WA. My father gave them some money and sent them up the hill from his hardware store to our home to deliver the load of books he had bought from them. It was a hot summer day and I was playing in a tub of water on the lawn. Indelibly burned into my mind are these two coming to the house with this load of books. I ran dripping wet, to the door and was transfixed by the things they were saying. Thus started our quest.

Gus Gerkhe, the 'older man' in a group of four JW's, was especially magnetic to me. His detailed reasoning on Scripture has stuck with me till this day. Only a few people since, that I have known, have come close to his spirituality and ability to communicate Scriptural truths and demonstrate kindness and justice in dealing with others. Eventually, this family moved on to other towns an hour or two removed from us and founded other congregations. This happened over the next several years while World War II was raging and thereafter.

I was subsequently baptized when I was eight years and five months old on September 20, 1942, in Spokane, WA. My mother was baptized about a year later. Since this was "War Time" we experienced mobbing at some of our assemblies. I faced nationalism issues and mobbings at school. I was the lone JW in my school. Certainly these experiences strengthened my resolve to remain true to my "consecration," as it was called then. These were exciting times! The association with like courageous people who were standing strong for what was right and just, especially under mob violence at assemblies and alone at school gave me a certain perspective; a certain commitment to truth, justice and integrity. This has stayed with me throughout my life and has been a guiding influence in all matters.

May 1, 1952, at age18, I started pioneering in Ephrata, WA. By October we formed a Congregation and I pioneered with the congregation for twenty-two plus years. As you can appreciate, I enjoyed many fine experiences, meeting many good people from many backgrounds. The Congregation prospered. There were ups and downs, of course, particularly when people with impure motives attached themselves and their real motives became known. Once, especially, this caused a severe backset but since the Watchtower authorities did the right thing, eventually, matters straightened out, though it seemed somewhat slow.

One of my greatest blessings came when in December 9, 1962, a life partner agreed to join me in marriage to make a united quest, being that we were like minded. This has proved, to me, to be divinely guided, especially as matters have turned out so far. Frances was born into a large family in 1923 in the New Mexico wild West where her grandfather had, seventy-five years before, rode out west from Tennessee on horseback and laid claim to a huge Spanish Land Grant. She was forced by circumstances to quit school in seventh grade to help with all the children of this very large family. They were "dirt poor" but didn't know it because it was during the great depression, so who wasn't? At age sixteen she went off to work in a nearby large town at the then finest hotel. Initially, she was inexperienced and some made fun of her. Eventually she learned and became a fine waitress; later, even a cook - earning more than her father, who made a special trip into town to see if she wasn't doing something illegal or immoral. She turned all her money over to her father to raise the family. Her father, though an atheist was as morally straight and honest as could be and taught all his children to be such also. Frances took his training and warnings to heart and profited thereby. He warned her about the "cliquish religions" and how you could be oppressed by them. She never joined a church or even read the Bible. Later in life, while working as a waitress in the swank Garden State Race Track in New Jersey (Princess Grace Kelly was married there and Frances served her) she was asked to work with a "religious fanatic" as they described this waitress (a JW), she agreed -that's how Frances became a JW and "the rest is history," as they say.

Knowing how Frances viewed "cliquish religion," Pat misrepresented the organization to her saying: "This one is different. This IS the truth. We have justice. Using Matt. 18, you can even go to Brother Knorr". Pat "sold it," Frances "bought it" and for many years that seemed to be the case.

Our experience with the organization up to the early 1970's seemed to roughly confirm that the organization was interested in truth and justice. Since then there has been a complete reversal of matters, as I will tell.

Though I was mostly unaware of it for quite some time, a drastic change was taking place in the organization. From being a staunch supporter of truth and justice they slowly became totally corrupt; from the persecuted minority to the aggressive totalitarian persecuting bully. These things were happening so imperceptibly, it was hard to determine and evaluate the situation especially since I had a long association with a courageous, valiant group of spiritually minded people. Oh yes, some went bad but such matters were usually taken care of in a proper, Scriptural way. I felt confident of this because I had seen and lived it.

Disturbing things began to happen. Perfectly innocent people were being harassed and stumbled out of "the truth" by vicious bullies whom the Governing Body had knowingly "appointed by holy spirit"! It was obvious to all that these men didn't qualify, even to be Christians, let alone "elders." This was fully known to the "Society" before they appointed them by this so called "holy spirit." At their instance they became responsible, yes, even directed the actions of these cowardly bullies. They are directly responsible for what happened. It became apparent this was the kind of people they had. become and this was now the kind of people they wanted as their "pawns" to do their dirty work for them. And why would a large organization want to apparently destroy itself in this manner? Good question.

I believe the answer centers around the desire for "power and control" over people! This organization has a 100 year history of setting dates for various events, e.g. Christ's return, end of the world, resurrection of the "Princes," etc., all of which have miserably, totally and completely failed; 1975 was the last (so far) of these. By 1970 it must have become apparent to those in control that 1975 would also fail so they set about redesigning the organization to grant more power and control to a group, euphemistically called "the body of elders," in each Congregation. "Franchising" out such power and authority would automatically give the grantors a vastly increased amount of power and control. It would weed out anyone who had "two brains to rub together." Anyone with principles was not needed or wanted. Controlled corruption was the name of the game. Uncontrolled corruption would not serve their ends as well. By pretending to favor righteousness, justice, and truth but practicing the opposite in the body politic they were simply following the wily practices of "Your Father, the Devil." They needed and wanted a "blind following" that without question and for "incentives," would willingly obey, a case of deceiving and being deceived. Thus. now, instead of an event for a predicted date being the "bait," it would be certain principles ("righteousness," "justice," "truth," etc.) that would be deceptively promoted. Once "hooked," then the pressure to total conformity is applied with the customary threats - a real neat Satanic system.

Of course, as these things developed all I could see was that a number of individuals were being grossly mistreated. Being interested in truth and justice, Frances and I went to their aid. Of course, this predictably incurred the wrath and false accusations of these "men" - I use the word loosely. This eventuated in our both being wrongly disfellowshipped four times. We appealed and eventually a committee was provided. After 13 all day meetings they ruled the "elders" as total liars: that the disfellowshipping should never have happened, that they knowingly, wrongfully DF'd us. Since the elders had spread this matter to many congregations, they were forced to write recanting letters to all those congregations to correct their actions. From the very first meeting, the appeal committee wanted to disfellowship all five of these lying "elders" but the Governing Body prohibited them from doing so! They appointed them; they knew what sort of people they wanted in power. Not only that but in an effort to prevent us from subsequently pursuing our disfellowshipping charges against these "elders", the Governing Body sent us a letter in which they lied in writing, on their own Appeal Committee. They were confident that we would never find out about it but we did. The Appeal Committee informed us of it and asked us to respond to the "Society" about it. We quoted directly from their file and showed them we had the proof that they were premeditated liars! That letter must have been a whale of a shock to them! Their answer was very weak and, in effect, acknowledged they were liars; that the "elders" needed to be dealt with but since the Governing body had appointed by "an unholy spirit" such a pack of liars & murderers; it seems it was just too much for them to deal with.

During all this time there were hundreds, if not thousands, of "brothers" all over the Northwest writing and/or asking their local "elders" and Circuit Overseers "What is going to happen to those Ephrata elders who knowingly wrongfully DF'd the Rawes? From what got back to us, it must have been a thunderous barrage! Finally they had to do something because they could stand it no longer! The Circuit Overseer phoned and told me that the "Service Desk" had instructed him to TELL me they were going to DF both of us again, for the 3rd and 4th time! What for this time? For the same thing that had been disallowed! At the meeting for this in Grand Coulee 35 people, including the appeal committee showed up to witness, not only FOR us but also AGAINST the Ephrata "elders." This committee of elders had no backbone. Although they had specific instructions to DF us there, all the testimony was in our favor so it was insane to attempt to do it then. The witnesses were furious that their testimony wasn't given weight to set us free but - no decision in our favor! They said "another meeting." Because of what the publishers saw with their own eyes at this meeting most, if not all, were convinced the organization had become completely corrupt! That did it for the most of them because, to them, all the Ephrata elders should have been DF'd then and there! On the basis of the flood of testimony, that was very apparent!!! But instead they wanted to have another meeting for Frances and I! This was too much! This committee was composed of the top organizational men the Society had in the Northwest Circuit & District men.

Everyone suggested it would be useless for us to attend another meeting. It was apparent to all that they would be only following their instructions from headquarters to DF us, which is what happened. We did appeal again but the Governing Body would not permit an impartial committee to hear the matter, so it was no use pursuing it; we had followed it to the end of the string. We and many others had witnessed first hand the absolute corruption and injustice the organization had come to, by design! If we had not personally seen and felt all this injustice to us and 35 others, we would never have believed it! No one could have made us believe it! Therefore, we can hardly expect others to take our word for it. But to this day we have complete and replete documentation for all the facts!

One thing that indicates how vicious and vindictive this organization has become is the following: Ten years after all this happened, my Mother, Augusta Rawe, was cruelly and savagely disfellowshipped at the instance of the Circuit Overseer - no doubt on orders from the Governing Body. The excuse was that because Frances and I went to visit her about once a month, this was "bad association" for her. At age 85 she continued to maintain her integrity and sense of justice. She knew full well the truth of the matter. She faithfully went front door-to-door for 40 + years, up till the day before they unrighteously DF'd her. To the day of her death, at age 96, she proved her integrity and steadfastness to truth, faith, justice and righteousness - more, far more so than any of the elders who DF'd her. They explicitly acknowledged they didn't want to and had no grounds except seeing her only family occasionally!

Augusta Rawe, born in 1898 to German parents in Russia had been forced, by circumstances, to travel by herself to America at age 13. From her many years of residence in Grand Coulee, visiting-people in their-homes with Watchtower literature and on the streets, she earned a well-deserved reputation for faith, righteousness and integrity. When news of her arbitrary disfellowshipping reached the front page of the leading regional newspaper, it stirred an outrage in the community against the JW's that still continues to this day! I still have a big box of letters she received from all over the world! It was also on the AP wire service -- Even these "bad" people who were going to be destroyed by God in 1975, have a keener sense of justice than "God's Organization" does!

In speaking of a sense of justice; I need to tell you about a few of the outrageous deeds of the "holy spirit appointed elders" that outraged the brothers and the whole community, at large as well.

Because of this organizational "mind set" that anything they agreed on was "God's will," they even made wild false accusations against some young zealous publishers, like stealing, using illegal drugs, homosexuality, etc., knowing all such charges were false. They were like young kids who had just been given a machine gun and shown how to pull the trigger and how people would scatter and fall over dead! What power! They were fascinated by it and kept "pulling the trigger" What a thrill of power it gave them!

Many other stupid and crazy things like this happened. By agreement they went to an "old brother's" home and forced their long, dull se1f-glorifying prayers on him. Then they told him he was healed, to throw away his medicine, get up, walk and go door-to-door with them. For some "strange reason" he still couldn't do it and these "elders" proclaimed he had "no faith!" Perhaps, craziest of all was when, "under holy spirit" at an "elders meeting" they decided it to be "God's will" to appoint Phil, a non-dedicated musician who also played at the local bar, to play music at the Kingdom Hall on Sunday. This, in spite of the fact that this man was well known to them and to the community as a PIMP for the PROSTITUTES at Wheeler, near Moses Lake - that was his real trade! This man also defrauded a non-JW resident out of $40,000 along with his suppliers in a rug laying business. He left town with the law after him. He was "using" the "elders" for his own purposes and everyone but them could see it! During all this time the Governing Body was made fully aware of what was on going on by many people in both letters and phone calls - JW's and non-JW's alike. The only thing that can be logically concluded is that they preferred the company of Pimps, whoremongers, liars, "murderers," etc. to that of honest upright, God-fearing integrity keepers whose faith and devotion had been demonstrated by decades of consistent conduct! To say that they are totally corrupt is to put it mildly!

Please understand, I am not saying that things like this happen in all situations, We used to think we were the only ones in the world this sort of thing was happening to. Since then we have found that is not the case either. When circumstances develop as here, then the Governing Body will again show it's "true colors!" It will happen every time! All this just demonstrates to me that it is very much a human organization. To the extent that any such organization - religious, political - or commercial holds to Scriptural, Godly standards it will benefit. When these standards are compromised, disaster follows! And that's just the way "the God of this world" wants it!

So, what about my activities in the last 23 years? I, of course, have spent more time earning a living than I did in the previous 23 "pioneer" years. Also, a lot more time in personal study of Scripture, history of the organization, early "Christian" history and though I will never become a member of any denomination, I do attend several Bible studies a week of various churches, where they allow me to participate. I even, occasionally, conduct the study. Usually, this is a verse by verse study. Also since about 1980 I have participated in putting on about 60 conferences which we sometimes refer to as Northwest Conferences. Attendance is usually about 50, though several times we have had a lot more - 150, 200, 250; once 650 people. The format of these 3-6 day conferences is better suited to smaller groups, 50-100 is about right. People of all different beliefs, including JW's are invited to speak for 30 minutes, followed by 15 minutes of questions from the audience. When possible we have opposing speakers on the same topic. Uninformed people tend to think this must turn out to be just uncontrolled wrangling. Such is NOT the case; just the opposite is true! Everyone is asked to be on their best Christian behavior. Thus it also becomes a training center for tolerance, forbearance, Christian virtues, a test of loving one's "enemies." All are encouraged to ask the "hard" questions but not with bitterness - rather, in love. We encourage disagreeing questions for the purpose of learning and sharing, not disagreeable shows of "intelligence." No subject is taboo and we have discussed "everything" under the sun! Come and see! We have JW's, even "elders," in attendance! All talks with, their question periods, are recorded and available at cost.

What about "God's Organization"? Many are tempted to predict a dire future for it. I don't pretend to be a prophet but, would like to share a few things. Generally speaking, the more organized and really regimented a group becomes, the better it's prospects for growth and survival. But this is true, only to a point. When it becomes too highly regimented, it contains the seeds of it's own destruction, especially when it comes to the point of literally or figuratively murdering people; witness Hitler and Communism! Compare the Roman Catholic, Greek Catholic, Russian Orthodox."Churches", also the major and minor "Protestant Churches". Controlled corruption is Satan's way of doing things and he "blesses" such movements. Man is allowed to dominate and oppress man. That is what happened in Israel (Ezekiel 34:1-6). Destruction of that typical "God's Organization" eventually followed. It is, simply, not YAHWEH's due time to start His righteous, just rule by His Lamb and Bride. When that starts, all will know it! Until God's due time controlled corruption will continue - Satan reigns! It will be up to those in control of the organization whether or not they grow, or even survive. Truth and justice are not popular in Satan's world. You can't "get big" now, using truth and justice as organizational principles. As I see it that's why the Watchtower, especially over the past 30 or more years, has, bit by bit, put into practice a studied policy of dissimulation (to hide under a disguise. To make a pretense of, disguise. Conceal ones real motive - Webster). Just compare how the Watchtower describes itself, glorifies itself - "Look how good we are" and suppresses any talk to the contrary. It is near "perfect" in putting out this "public" image of itself. At the same time it exposes, by the millions of copies, any sin of every renegade "preacher" or "priest" and paints all other religions with that "brush." Does it do the same with it's own renegade members, including elders, circuit and district overseers, governing body members and lawyers? If you ever find out about these things it's rare though it happens all the time! They misrepresent themselves to the press and when one 'bites"; they republish that by the tens of millions, so nobody misses it. Their lawyers totally misrepresent them in the courts. Just witness the Watchtower Child Custody booklet - talk about dissimulation! In J.F. Rutherford's day these things were kept to the highest officials of the Watchtower and when their own lawyer wouldn't go along with it, they officially slandered him as was clearly proved in the highest court of New York (Moyle vs. Franz). Now, it's down to the local elders and publishers. I think that it's this sort of thing that's affecting the percent of increase of the organization lately.

This brings it right back to us today. Because salvation is from YAHWEH, through Yahshua, whom he provided as our Savior to ransom us from sin and death. We will all stand before the same bar of justice some day. There we will give an accounting of all our deeds, thoughts and words. It will be then, as now, our individual responsibility through ONE mediator - not a second "necessary" mediator such as an organization, pope, etc. The standard of judgment is indicated at Zephniah 2:1-3. May YAHWEH bless your determination to seek and to serve Him.