Jerry Maguire moments...

"It is fine to walk for a while as the last one in any group, and it is acceptable to spend time mingling in the middle, but ultimately everyone must at some time lead. You have no way of understanding leadership roles until you assume that responsibility. Everyone must experience all of these roles at some time, without exception, sooner or later, if not in this lifetime, sometime! The only way to pass any test is to take the test. All tests on every level are always repeated one way or another until you pass."

Mutant Message Down Under - Marlo Morgan
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So i sit here at home on a disgustingly hot Sunday. I start my new job on Tuesday. I'm frankly not quite so enthused as I should be. It's unpleasant, I'm going to have to walk around in this heat in full professional attire. I have gotten 2 traffic tickets in the past 3 days. I'm flat broke. ... and yet, I feel resolute rather than discouraged. I feel like this is something i know i have to do... getting out of my comfort zone. Work hard. probably work harder than i have ever worked in my rather privileged life. I will be earning every single penny i make with honest hard work. no free rides. no one to blame but myself if i don't succeed. i feel myself 'hunkering down' i sound rather dramatic about all this.. but yet it is symbolic... there is a huge significance for me. this isn't just a new job. this about me choosing to walk away from something that was easy, comfortable. i knew mt. sac like the back of my hand. it's almost like working for family. i don't have a sense of reality there. it's too different from the rest of the working world. i think i sound rather pretentious.. *shrug* it's how i'm feeling. this change is long overdue. .. continuing the journey toward becoming the person i have always wanted to be.