| When my grandson, Billy, and I entered our vacation cabin,
we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects.
Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy
whispered, "It's no use, Grandma. The mosquitoes are coming after us with
flashlights." After putting her children to bed, a mother changed into old slacks
and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children
getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. At last she threw a
towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern
warnings. As she left the room, she heard her three-year-old say with a trembling
voice, "Who was THAT?"
A mother was telling her little girl what her own childhood was like: "We
used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree
in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the
woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said,
"I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"
My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and
God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, how are we
alike?" "You're both old," he replied.
A little girl was diligently pounding away on her father's word processor. She
told him she was writing a story. "What's it about?" he asked.
"I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."
I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her.
I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me, and
always, she was correct. But it was fun for me, so I continued. At last she
headed for the door, saying sagely, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out
some of these yourself!"
A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to
discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was.
Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou shall not take the covers off
thy neighbor's wife."
Our five-year-old son Mark couldn't wait to tell his father about the movie we had
watched on television, "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea." The scenes with the
submarine and the giant octopus had kept him wide-eyed. In the middle of the
telling, my husband interrupted Mark. "What caused the submarine to sink?"
With a look of total shock Mark replied, "Dad, it was the 20,000 leaks!"
When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure."
"Look in your underwear, Grandma," he advised. "Mine says I'm
four."
A second grader came home from school and said to her mother, "Mom, guess what?
We learned how to make babies today." The mother, more than a little
surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting," she said,
"how do you make babies?" "It's simple," replied the girl.
You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'. |
"Ridge Hall computer assistance; may I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
"Went away?"
"They disappeared."
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"
"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
"What's a sea-prompt?"
"Never mind can you move your cursor around the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
"What's a monitor?"
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a
little light that tells you when it's on?"
"I don't know."
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into
it. Can you see that?"
"Yes, I think so."
"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
"Yes it is."
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged
into the back of it, not just one?"
"No."
"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other
cable."
"Okay, here it is."
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your
computer."
"I can't reach it."
"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
"No."
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
"Dark?"
"Yes the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the
window."
"Well, turn on the office light then."
"I can't."
"No? Why not?"
"Because there's a power failure."
"A power.... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you
still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
"Well, yes I keep them in the closet."
"Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when
you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."
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