Country Talk

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Contributed - by Dick Zaccagnini

As technology encroaches on our language, it is well to define the local use computer of terms:

LOG ON: Making a wood stove hotter.
LOG OFF: Don't add no more wood.
MONITOR: Keeping an eye on the woodstove.
DOWNLOAD: Gettin the farwood off the truk.
MEGA HERTZ: When yer not keerful gettin the farwood.
FLOPPY DISC: Whatcha git from tryin to carry too much farwood.
RAM: That thar thing whut splits the farwood.
YAHOO-DOT-COM: Farwood's done. Go see Dot Com.
SCANNER: Peeking in the window at Dot.
DOT MATRIX: Dot Com's name after marry'n Dan Matrix.
CD: Try'n not to look at Dot.
FATAL ERROR: Get'n caught peeking at Dot.
STAR-DOT-STAR: Whut ya see just after the fatal error.
HARD DRIVE: Gettin home in the winter time.
ZIP DRIVE: Slip'ry in the winter time.
CLIP-ART: Nearly mis'n Art.
PROMPT: Whut the mail ain't in the winter time.
HARDWARE: Long johns in the winter time.
WINDOWS: Whut to shut when it's cold outside.
REBOOT: Whut you do befur visit'n the outhouse.
SCREEN: Whut to shut when it's blak fly season.
BYTE: Whut dem dang flys do.
WEB: Whar dem flys get stuck.
CHIP: Munchies fer the TV.
MICRO CHIP: Whut's in the bottom of the munchie bag.
COOKIE: Eat after the munchies are gone.
MODEM: Whacha did to the hay fields.
BROWSE: Let the cows in the hay field.
ENTER: Duh! How ya git in the house.
CLICK: Whut ya hear just befur the lights go on.
DOUBLE CLICK: The lights don't work.
POWER DOWN: Why the lights don't work.
LAP TOP: Whar the kitty sleeps.
INTERNET: Whar ya put the store bot fruit.
KEYBOARD: Whar ya hang the truk keys.
DESKTOP: Full of stuf fer bills and such.
DIRECTORY: Also on the desktop.
SUB-DIRECTORY: Lookup war time boats.
NORTON's TOOLS: Bar'o them to fix the truk.
SOFTWARE: Them dang plastic forks and knifs.
MOUSE: What eats the grain in the barn.
POINTER: My dog.
ICON: We all got problems.
BACKSPACE: Thet sag in the mattress.
UPPER CASE: Thet trav'ln bag on top.
MAIN FRAME: Whut holds up the barn ruf.
NETWORK: Fix'n thet fish net.
PORT: Fancy Flatlander wine.
SPEAKER: Flatlander talking after the wine.
WORDWRAP: City folk try'n to be country folk.
ENTER: Northerner talk fer, C'Mon in y'all.
RANDOM ACCESS MEMORY: When ya cain't 'member whut ya paid fer the rifle when yore wife asks.
MOUSE PAD: That's hippie talk fer the rat hole.
MOTHERBOARD: Mine does too.
COMPEWTER: Thet stuff made of silver and tin.