1/27/03

A DAY IN THE LAB

DRAMATIS PERSONAE:

JEN, the ingenue graduate student
EVAN, the M.D./Ph.D. psychiatrist postdoc
MOE, the M.D./Ph.D. psychiatrist in charge of the lab

SCENE I

EVAN and JEN are dissecting a mouse

EVAN: We never figured out what that thing is, did we?
JEN: I think it's some kind of male reproductive thingy.
EVAN: So then why is it so big in these mice?
JEN: I don't know. I mean, they have reduced testosterone, so maybe it's just some kind of...backlog.
EVAN: Hmm, maybe.

SCENE II

MOE and JEN are dissecting a different mouse in another building

MOE: Here's a trivia question: which profession has the highest suicide rate?
JEN: I don't know. Physician?
MOE: Nope.
JEN: Lawyer?
MOE: No. Dentist!
JEN: Yeah, I can see that.
MOE: So, which health care profession has the highest rate of, um, being killed by their patients?
JEN: Um, psychiatrist?
MOE: Nope.
JEN: Dentist?
MOE: (Laughs) no.
JEN: Uhhhh, surgeon?
MOE: Yes, it's a kind of surgeon.
JEN: What kinds of surgeons are there? I have to go, just tell me.
MOE: You can think about it and tell me when you get back.

SCENE III

EVAN and JEN are dissecting another mouse

EVAN: So, I think that thing was the epididymis.
JEN: Oh yeah?
EVAN: Because when I poked it, white stuff came out.
JEN: Ewwwwwww!
EVAN: Yeah, it was kind of gross.

SCENE IV

JEN returns to the building where MOE is to dissect yet another mouse

JEN: A plastic surgeon!
MOE: Yes! How did you know?
JEN: I just guessed.
MOE: So, which U.S. state has the highest suicide rate?
JEN: Ummmm, Alaska?
MOE: Oh, no, wait, I don't know the answer to that one. Which state has the lowest suicide rate?
JEN: Iowa?
MOE: Nope.
JEN: Minnesota?
MOE: No.
JEN: But people in the Midwest always seem so happy!
MOE: I'll give you a hint--it has a "y" in it.
JEN: Pennsylvania?
MOE: Nope.
JEN: Wyoming?
MOE: Nope.
JEN: New York?
MOE: Nope.
JEN: Kentucky?
MOE: Nope.
JEN: Maryland?
MOE: Nope.
JEN: OK, I can't think of any other states with a "y" in them. What is it?
MOE: New Jersey. You know, I grew up in New Jersey, and I have a theory--people who grow up in New Jersey just have very low expectations.
JEN: Well, that would explain it, yes.