TEASER

                             SCENE A

         INT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - DAY
         (Jerry, Elaine, George, Kramer)

         JERRY, ELAINE, AND GEORGE ARE WATCHING T-V.

                            GEORGE

                Oh, god, not Hard Copy.

                            ELAINE

                Yeah, Jerry, switch it!

                            JERRY

                All right, all right... where's the

                remote?

         THE DOOR FLIES OPEN, AND KRAMER ENTERS, CARRYING
         THE REMOTE.

                            KRAMER

                Okay, Jerry, call me a genius.

                            JERRY

                Now what?

                            KRAMER

                You know that little project I've

                been talking about?

                            ELAINE

                Oh, God, not another money-making

                scheme.

                            KRAMER

                Yeah, but this one'll work!







         "Return of the Dingoes" First Draft 10/26/95                  2
                                                                (TEASER)


                            GEORGE

                You see Kramer, that's the difference

                between you and me.  When I get in to

                my lame-brained schemes, I know it

                won't work, so I'm never disappointed.

                But you -- such spunk!  It's just

                hard to watch.

         GEORGE MOVES CLOSER TO THE T-V, AND WATCHES
         INTENTLY.

                            KRAMER

                Yeah, well, wait'll you see what I

                did with Jerry's remote.

                            JERRY

                Oh, Kramer, no...

         KRAMER POINTS THE REMOTE AT HIS HEAD, PRESSES A
         FEW BUTTONS, AND HIS HAIR LIGHTS UP, AN INTRICATE
         WEB OF CHRISTMAS-STYLE LIGHTS MOVING IN A PULSATING
         PATTER.

                            KRAMER

                Instant conversation starter, huh?

                Trouble meeting chicks?  No more!

                Not with Cosmo Kramer's Party Hair!

                            ELAINE

                Turn it off!  I'm getting sick to my

                stomach.

                            GEORGE

                Maybe you're pregnant...

                            ELAINE

                I think not!



         "Return of the Dingoes" First Draft 10/26/95                  3
                                                                (TEASER)


                            GEORGE

                No, no, look at this story on Hard

                Copy.  This lady in California didn't

                even know she was pregnant, and she

                gave birth!

                            ELAINE

                Maybe the dingoes brought her a baby...

                            JERRY

                What are you people, nuts?  If you're

                going to have a baby, certain things

                happen so you know.

                            GEORGE

                She didn't know.

                            JERRY

                Of course she knew!  She just didn't

                know that she knew.

                            GEORGE

                You're saying she knew, but didn't

                know?

                            JERRY

                No.

                            GEORGE

                No?

                            JERRY

                No, she knew she knew.  She just didn't

                know she knew.



         "Return of the Dingoes" First Draft 10/26/95                  4
                                                                (TEASER)


                            ELAINE

                So she knew she knew, but didn't know?

                            JERRY

                I know!

         KRAMER MAKES TO LEAVE.

                            KRAMER

                Too much for me.  I'm going to de-

                string my head.  These lights are

                getting hot.

                            GEORGE

                Now that makes sense.  We don't want

                another Michael Jackson situation on

                our hands.

                            KRAMER

                Hey!

                            GEORGE

                No, the other Michael Jackson

                situation...

                            KRAMER

                Oh.

         KRAMER EXITS, AND THE GROUP AGAIN GATHERS AROUND
         THE T-V.

                            ELAINE

                Okay, can we switch to something

                better?

                            JERRY

                Nope.  Kramer's still got the remote.


         "Return of the Dingoes" First Draft 10/26/95                  5
                                                                (TEASER)


                            ELAINE

                Well, get off your fat butt and change

                the channel manually.

                            JERRY

                Can't.

                            ELAINE

                Why not?

                            GEORGE

                     (LOW)

                This'll be good.

                            JERRY

                Doesn't have a manual.

                            ELAINE

                What, no switch?

                            JERRY

                Nope.

                            ELAINE

                No knob?

                            JERRY

                None at all.

                            ELAINE

                Who makes this T-V?  Lazy-boy?













         "Return of the Dingoes" First Draft 10/26/95                  6
                                                                (TEASER)


                            JERRY

                Hey, when I bought it, I had to ask

                myself:  Could I ever envision a

                situation whereby I would actually

                want to walk over to the T-V to change

                the channel, instead of using the

                remote?

                            ELAINE

                And the answer was no?

                            JERRY

                Obviously, I couldn't forsee the

                discovery of Cosmo Kramer's Party

                Hair.

                            ELAINE

                Obviously.  So we have to watch Hard

                Copy, and the miracle family?

                            GEORGE

                That story's almost over.  Something

                else will be on in a second.

         REVERSE ANGLE ON TV

         WE SEE THE HARD COPY ANCHOR READING A TEASE OF AN
         UPCOMING STORY.

                            ANCHOR

                And next, the hottest trend in hair

                styling.  Who'll be the first to tap

                in to the Party Hair express?

         FROM THE HALL, WE HEAR:




         "Return of the Dingoes" First Draft 10/26/95                  7
                                                                (TEASER)


                            KRAMER (V.O.)

                Ahhhh!

                            ELAINE

                Guess you'll never get that remote

                back now.

                            GEORGE

                Hope you like this channel.

                            JERRY

                Maybe I'll just buy a new T-V.

                            ELAINE

                Why don't you get 20 new T-V's, one

                for each of your favorite channels?

                            JERRY

                Oh, very droll, Miss Benes.

                            GEORGE

                "Droll?"  Since when do you say

                "droll?"

                            JERRY

                Since she acts it.

                            ELAINE

                You don't even know what "droll" means,

                do you Jerry?

                            JERRY

                     (DEFENSIVE)

                I do so!  It means... drollish.  Droll-

                like.  Like you.





         "Return of the Dingoes" First Draft 10/26/95                  8
                                                                (TEASER)


                            GEORGE

                I'm feeling a bit drollish, myself.

                            ELAINE

                Oh, and me, too; I've felt more droll-

                like.

         WE HEAR A LOUD POP, AND ANOTHER OFF-SCREEN WAIL
         FROM KRAMER.

                            JERRY

                There goes the Party Hair express.

                            ELAINE

                They turned out the lights..

                            GEORGE

                The party hair is over.

                          END OF TEASER


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Colin Campbell - jenolen@earthlink.net