TEASER

                             SCENE A

         INT. CENTRAL PERK - MORNING - (DAY 1)
         (Chandler, Phoebe, Joey, Monica, Ross, Rachel, Kid
         1, Mother)

         THE GROUP HAS GATHERED FOR MORNING COFFEE AND
         NEWSPAPERS.  RACHEL IS SITTING, NOT SERVING.

                            CHANDLER

                Oh, check this out! They pulled this

                kid's head out of drain-pipe.

                            JOEY

                What's so unusual about that?

                            CHANDLER

                It was at the zoo...

                            ROSS

                So?

                            CHANDLER

                ..connected to the hyena cage...

                            MONICA

                Euw!

         JOEY IS MOVING CLOSER TO CHANDLER.

                            CHANDLER

                And it was feeding time...

                            PHOEBE

                Okay, I think we get the picture!

                            RACHEL

                Yeah, I mean, leave something to our

                imagination.




         "The One With the Sudden Baby" First Draft 10/26/95           2
                                                                (TEASER)


                            JOEY

                     (MESMERIZED)

                Did they eat him?

                            CHANDLER

                Yes, Joey.  They ate him.  Bit by

                bit.

                            JOEY

                All right!

                            CHANDLER

                     (SCOLDING)

                Of course they didn't eat him!  What

                kinda' sicko are you?

                            JOEY

                Well, they could have eaten him...

                            ROSS

                If they let the hyenas into the drain

                system at the Zoo..

                            RACHEL

                ...which they don't...

                            MONICA

                ..'cause who wants to see a hyena in

                our sewer system?

         A SMALL CHILD POPS HIS HEAD UP FROM BEHIND THE
         COUCH.

                            KID #1

                Oh!  A hyena!  And Simba, the Lion

                King of the Jungle!

         HIS MOTHER APPEARS TO WHISK HIM AWAY.


         "The One With the Sudden Baby" First Draft 10/26/95           3
                                                                (TEASER)


                            MOTHER

                Timmy!  Don't talk to strangers!

         THEY EXIT.  THE GROUP CONTINUES TO LOOK THROUGH
         THE NEWSPAPERS.

                            PHOEBE

                Omigod!  Rachel, Mon, look at this

                one.

         THEY GATHER OVER HER SHOULDER.

                            RACHEL/MONICA

                Oh god!  No way!  Get out!

                            PHOEBE

                I mean, really!

         THE GUYS CRANE THEIR NECKS FOR A BETTER VIEW.

                            ROSS

                Hey!

                            PHOEBE

                Yeah?

                            ROSS

                Hey... we're feeling a bit left out.

                            PHOEBE

                I know!  We're all over here reading,

                and you're not!

                            CHANDLER

                Howsabout we make the transition from

                "reading" to "sharing?"

                            MONICA

                Oh, I don't think so.




         "The One With the Sudden Baby" First Draft 10/26/95           4
                                                                (TEASER)


                            RACHEL

                This is a chick thing.

                            PHOEBE

                Def chi thi.

         THE GROUP STARES.

                            PHOEBE (CONT'D)

                I don't have time to say the whole

                words.

         MORE STARES.

                            PHOEBE (CONT'D)

                Okay, okay!  Definite Chick Thing!

                You happy?

                            CHANDLER

                Ye we a ha, Phoe.. ("Yes, we are happy,

                Phoebe.")

                            PHOEBE

                Very funny.

                            JOEY

                     (IMPATIENT)

                So!  What's the big news?

                            RACHEL

                You are not going to believe this.

                            CHANDLER

                We might, if you tell us.

                            MONICA

                No, really, this is one for the books.





         "The One With the Sudden Baby" First Draft 10/26/95           5
                                                                (TEASER)


                            ROSS

                Yes?

                            MONICA

                Okay, there were these two people.

                And they had known each other for a

                long time.  And so...

                            PHOEBE

                     (INTERRUPTING)

                This lady didn't even know she was

                pregnant and went to the hospital and

                had a baby!!!

                            RACHEL

                Well, that would be the short version,

                Phoebs.  The long version is good,

                too.

                            PHOEBE

                Sorry, couldn't wait.  You know, the

                story was getting all, like,

                unbelievable and stuff?  So it had to

                come out in a hurry.

                            JOEY

                Like the baby?

                            PHOEBE

                Exactly!

                          END OF TEASER







         "The One With the Sudden Baby" First Draft 10/26/95           6
                                                                 (ONE/B)


                             ACT ONE

                             SCENE B

         INT. CENTRAL PERK - MOMENTS LATER - (DAY 1)
         (Chandler, Phoebe, Joey, Monica, Ross, Rachel)

         THE GROUP IS STILL PONDERING THE AMAZING PREGNANT
         WOMAN STORY IN THE PAPER.

                            MONICA

                Can you believe it?

                            RACHEL

                Is that wild?

                            ROSS

                Yeah, like it really happened!

                            CHANDLER

                C'mon, had a baby and didn't know she

                was pregnant?  Didn't know?  Hello?

                How do you not know you're going to

                have a baby?

                            JOEY

                Maybe the chick was huge to begin

                with...

                            RACHEL

                I think not!  Look, says here she was

                only 5'2", and not much more than 100

                pounds.

                            ROSS

                How "not-much-more...?"







         "The One With the Sudden Baby" First Draft 10/26/95           7
                                                                 (ONE/B)


                            RACHEL

                     (DEFENSIVE)

                Not much more!

                            CHANDLER

                Must have been one small baby.

                            PHOEBE

                Nope.  Healthy as can be.  Almost six

                and a half pounds.

                            ROSS

                And she didn't know?

                            MONICA

                Nope.

                            ROSS

                How do you, "not know?"

                            PHOEBE

                Oh there's ways to "not know."

                            ROSS

                Really?

                            PHOEBE

                Oh, I know ways to "not know."

                            ROSS

                You know?

                            PHOEBE

                No... you DON'T know.  That's the

                problem.







         "The One With the Sudden Baby" First Draft 10/26/95           8
                                                                 (ONE/B)


                            RACHEL

                What problem?

                     (INDICATES PAPER)

                Says here everybody's health, happy,

                and looking forward to the future.

                            ROSS

                     (WISTFUL)

                A baby... a family...  Mom and Dad

                and a new kid.

                            CHANDLER

                That is what we consider a family

                here in America, yes.

         ROSS DRIFTS, LOST IN HIS FANTASY OF A REUNITED
         FAMILY.

                            CHANDLER (CONT'D)

                Hey, hey, come back to us, big guy!

                            JOEY

                Yeah, Ross, Chandler's right.  You

                can't let family-related news get you

                in a funk.

                            PHOEBE

                Because Ross...

                     (LOOKING VERY SINCERELY AT

                      HIM)

                WE need the funk.

                            CHANDLER

                     (PICKING IT UP)

                Got to have the funk!


         "The One With the Sudden Baby" First Draft 10/26/95           9
                                                                 (ONE/B)


                            PHOEBE

                     (LOW AND "FUNKY")

                Owww!

                            MONICA

                Okay.... the Mothership is landing,

                and I've got to make the connection.

         SHE GETS UP TO LEAVE, AND THE OTHERS FOLLOW.

                            ROSS

                     (SIGHING)

                A family...

                            JOEY

                     (TO ROSS)

                You gonna be okay?

                            ROSS

                Yep.

                     (INDICATING NEWSPAPER)

                I was just thinking about how lucky

                they are.

         THE GROUP EXITS.

                         END OF ACT ONE


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Colin Campbell - jenolen@earthlink.net