So, as America sorts through the sordid details of the Monica Lewinsky imbroglio, it’s time for us to start that most American of traditions:  Assigning the blame!

And folks, there’s plenty to go around.

In what could be perceived as a wildly unpopular or even sexist move, my number one candidate for "blame" is Monica herself.

That’s right.  Monica had the power to make this all not happen.  Instead, she was so determined to earn her "presidential kneepads," she decided that after some innocent flirtation, she should show her underwear to the President.

I think that was the crucial moment.  I mean, as a "move," showing someone your underwear is only slightly less tacky than, say, dropping your pants, exposing yourself, and saying "Kiss it."

What must have been Monica’s thought process?  "Hmm.  The President’s cute.  I’d sure like to fool around with him.  Maybe if I show him my underwear, I can catch his interest!"  Hello?  What kind of thinking is that?  Monica -- don’t chase married men.  It’s bad form.

I think it’s important to remember it was Monica who first decided to cross the line between flirtation (and we all flirt) and temptation.

Next on the blame list:  Bill Clinton.  And Bill really should have known better.  (Note that I give Bill a generous helping of the blame.)

For the love of god, Bill, keep "The Little Commander" in your trousers!  Really, what the hell were you thinking?

Continuing, I think there are also fair servings of blame for Linda Tripp, Paula Jones and her zealot advisory team, the political enemies of the President, Ken Starr, the Supreme Court, Judge Norma Holliway Johnson, Congress, Rep. Henry Hyde (R-Illinois), Senator Trent Lott (R-Mississippi), Hillary Clinton, Buddy, the White House Dog, and others too numerous to mention here.

I asked an anti-Clinton friend the other day what would happen if the President decided to resign.  Would all of this junk simply go away.  The fire in his eyes scared me.  "No way!  Then it becomes a straight criminal investigation!  He’ll be arraigned and charged ..."

That’s when I realized, truly and totally, that this whole thing is about "getting Clinton," no matter the cost to our nation, the constitution, the presidency, or our sense of decency.

Bill Clinton’s a fighter, who admits he did something wrong.  I’m over it.  But a lot of people aren’t.  And I think that means he’ll have to resign.  Look for it in February of next year.  That way, Al Gore can still run for two full terms on his own.

We’ve already had one presidential resignation on the birthday of a close family member -- Nixon announced he would resign on my dad’s birthday back in 1974.  Maybe Clinton can make it a "family double," on my birthday, February 4th.

Good luck to ya, Bill!