August 23, 1998
Summer Heat  
It remains hot here in Southern California, although I realize, weather-wise, weíve got very little to complain about.

I mean thereís no hurricanes.  And the humidity is non-existent, except on that rare muggy night.  But we get those rare muggy nights very rarely.

 So, Bill Clinton is "Wagging the Dog" to divert attention from the sex scandal?  Um, no.  As messed up as the presidentís personal life is, I still have to believe that he would order missile strikes only when they were really, actually needed.  Even some hard-core Republicans, after having been briefed on the situation, agreed that this attack was justified.

Iíd feel a lot better about the whole attack/counter attack thing if I didnít have a very dear friend visiting the Middle East right now.  Safe travels, Amy, safe travels.

Hot and Spicy Cheez-Its Thanks for your overwhelming response to last weekís column.  Dr. Higgleston managed to smuggle out these product shots of his newest creations, bringing to nine the total number of Cheez-It varieties.  Is that man brilliant or what?  He should be released any day now.  More Cheez-It information is available at, where else, www.Cheez-It.com, which brilliantly bills itself as "Crackers in Cyber-Space."   Cheez-It Party Mix

The Mark McGwire "drug use" thing has also got my dander up this week.  First off, reporters shouldnít be snooping around in anyoneís locker.  Period.  Bad reporters, bad!  Now, letís say you find a legal, over the counter substance.  So what?  Itís legal, itís sold over the counter, and Mark thinks it helps his workout.  God bless him.  When itís illegal, then weíll talk.  Until then, letís just sit back and watch this incredible hitter bash baseballs out of the park.

Of course, no less stupid in the race for "Stupidest Maris Chase Story of the Week" was the take out of Chicago that an Astros pitcher, his team having a huge lead in the late innings, grooved a pitch or two in for Sammy Sosa to knock out of the park, which he did.  Oh yeah, did I mention that the pitcher and Sammy are both Latin Americans?  Theyíre buddies from back home.  So *of course* there had to be some kind of Hispanic conspiracy!  Stupid, stupid, stupid.  Is this what sports reporting has sunk to?

Are you as fired up about the fall TV season as I am?  Boy, I canít wait for hot new shows like ... like ...

Again, a plea to Hollywood.  If it ainít on the page, it wonít be on the stage.  For example, hereís what should have happened in one high profile case.  Imagine youíre a Hollywood executive, and youíve just gotten the script for the new big budget version of The Avengers.  You should say to yourself:  "Whatís the best possible movie that could be made from this script.  Hmm, a pretty sucky one.  Better pass, or assign someone to re-write this until we get it right."  Oh, I can dream, canít I? 
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Colin Campbell - jenolen@earthlink.net
Last updated August 23, 1998