August 2, 1998
Column Bits 
For some reason, the blank pages are looking a little more blank than normal these days.

Is it possible that Iím running out of things to write?  Great, it turn out I have a year and seven months worth of columns in me.  Thatís it.

Of course, the "column lamenting the lack of things to write a column about" gag has already been used, so Iím forced to turn to a more creative, Larry King-ish direction.

Thatís right.  Weíre doing another short blips column.  Deal.

So, it turns out the AT&T thing I reported last week is worse than I thought.  Tonight, when I placed a long distance call, I again heard the "AT&T" sound chime.  Then, a computer voice told me, "It is 7:45PM where your call is going," or something like that.  Fantastic.  Now, not only does AT&T feel the need to remind me of something Iíve already assured them I wonít forget (namely, that I have selected them for long distance service), but now, they figure I canít add two hours to the local time when placing a call to the Central Time Zone.  There must be a way to turn these "features" off.

Saw The Pretenders and The B-52ís at the Mid-State Fair in Paso Robles this week, up in my old home county.  My friends Frank, Christina, and I were split on whether there was more "skank" or "trash" hanging around the fairgrounds.  (The fair tends to be a tad rural.)

The Pretenders offered a solid set of songs known by almost everyone who has listened to a radio over the last 20 years.  But I was there for the B-52ís, and their wacky space pop.  They didnít disappoint.  Itís the kind of show Iím just glad I was able to see.  Frank and I thought this bill probably featured two future Rock and Roll Hall of Fame acts.  (Right, Frank?)  Any time you can catch two of these acts while theyíre still Grandstand (separate admission) shows, as opposed to Free Stage acts, you probably should.

The creators of "South Park," which I find only occasionally funny, have sworn not to market the show to kids, as itís clearly aimed at adult sensibilities.  That, of course, would explain the nine-year-old I saw at the fair carrying around a gigantic stuffed "Kenny."

Of course, the best thing about the fair, aside from the bands, was the fair food.  Itís here that you can find things "on a stick" that probably should never be placed on a stick.  For example, the "Eggroll on a Stick," is simply that.  What purpose is the stick serving?  Hold your eggroll like a man!  (Now wait a minute ...)

Also, there was a bit of a dispute concerning the difference between an elephant ear and a funnel cake.  Anyone with a definitive answer is invited to e-mail this column (address below).

Is it about time to re-name my web site?  I mean, you all know I have no interest whatsoever in monkeys.  (Click here for a more detailed examination of how this page got its name.)  I fret that all the good names are taken, and Iíll end up settling for something like "Monkey-Thon 2000."  (Actually, I kind of like that one ...)

I was discussing just this sort of problem with my friend Kelly the other day.  Kelly and her partners are starting a new consulting business, and from what she says, it took them a while to come up with a business name which hadnít been done to death, and had a corresponding Internet domain name available.

In case youíre wondering, colincampbell.com is taken by an Ohio-based real estate agent.  Nuts.  Iím guessing "monkeython2k.com" is available, if somewhat lame.

Someday Iíll have my own domain name, Toto.  Someday ...

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Colin Campbell - jenolen@earthlink.net
Last updated August 2, 1998