April 26, 1998

You're Out of Vanilla?

So, Iím on the town, stepping out with my buddy Cary, on our way to go see Two Girls and a Guy, that new Robert Downey Jr. movie, and we spy a Baskin Robbins ice cream shop in our line of sight.

So, being guys, we mosey that way. Iím along for the ride, but Cary is wanting a sundae.

So, he points to the big display behind the 17-year-old counter teen, and says, "Give me one of those two scoop hot fudge sundaes."

So, the counter guy says, "What kind of ice cream would you like with that?"

So, Cary, realizing what the enlightened among us have known for years, requests vanilla. Itís a suitable base to build a sundae upon. Itís a solid choice of ice cream. Itís really not that unusual.

So, theyíre out.

They are out of vanilla ice cream. At Baskin Robbins. Tonight, they have 31 flavors Ö and none of them are vanilla.

You can get Raspberry Mango Bubble Gum. You can get Mocha Meltdown. You can get Chocoholics Autonomous. You might even be able to convince them to serve you up a scoop of Krazy Ketchup. But you canít get Vanilla.

No French Vanilla. No American Vanilla. No Vanilla Ice. No Vanilla Frozen Yogurt. No Old Fashioned Vanilla. No Cinnamon Vanilla Cake Crunch. No Vanilla Malt Balls. Not a scoop. Not a drop. Not a sausage. Bugger all. (This last bit is an obscure Monty Python reference, and is made only to satisfy the requirements of the I.M.P.C. (Internet Monty Python Content) Act of 1988.)

I ask you, what kind of country do we live in where vanilla ice cream can not be found at our ice cream stores? Do we not realize that if it werenít for vanilla, there would be no ice cream at all?

Well, think about it: Doesnít most ice cream start its life as vanilla? Chocolate ice cream without the ice cream is just a powder. That Rocky Road is even rockier, when itís just marshmallows and nuts. I wonít even discuss the popular "____ and Cream" line that developed over the past couple of years. Several items can fill in the blank (Cookies, Heath Bar, M&Mís, etc.) Ö but only good old Vanilla Ice Cream can be the "and Cream" part.

Letís not forget the simple pleasures. Vanilla has gotten a bad rap. You never hear someone say, "Oh, he has such a rainbow sherbet personality." (Actually, try that sometime, and see if anyone catches on.) No, poor old vanilla has somehow been twisted and turned to mean something thatís bland, or worse, unappealing.

Well, I say to you right now Ė I love vanilla ice cream, and I donít care who knows it!

Why not stop by your local 30 Ö uh, I mean, 31 Flavors store and show your support for Vanilla today?

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Colin Campbell - jenolen@earthlink.net
Last updated May 24, 1998