March 1, 1998
Okay, sure, I literally do need to do a lot of housecleaning, but instead, this weekís column title again heralds the return of the "short blurb" style used by so many columnists across the country when they canít think of a real topic.
Titanic remains the number one movie at the country. Surprisingly,
the Adam Sandler comedy The Wedding Singer remains a strong number
two. Has there ever been a more ironic application of the old saying, "A
rising tide lifts all boats?" I mean, the only reason people are going
to see The Wedding Singer is because Titanic is still selling
out. (Well, thatís not the only reason. The Wedding Singer is a
sweet film, sort of funny, but itís certainly no Titanic.)
Somebody borrowed my Prince "emancipation" album, and I
donít remember who it was. Fess up.
You know how great America is? I mean, weíre a country thatís developed four varieties of "Chex," five varieties of "Wheat Thin" and three speeds of oatmeal. (For those of you keeping score at home, thatís Wheat, Rice, Corn, and Multi-Bran Chex. Wheat Thins come as Regular Wheat Thins, Low Fat Wheat Thins, Reduced Salt Wheat Thins, (the somewhat inaccurately named) Multi-Grain Wheat Thins, and, perhaps a snack for horses, Oat Thins. Quaker Oatmeal comes in five mintue, one minute, and instant varieties. What, the one minute is just too long to wait?
And there are web pages to support this madness:
See for yourself. It's fun! Yes, America -- the country that can't
wait 60 seconds for oatmeal. No wonder the rest of the world hates us.
They're facing starvation, death, disease ... and in America, people don't
have the time to wait a whole minute for oatmeal!
Well, did you see Tom Selleck in "The Closer." All of the
promos CBS showed during the Olympics usually included a "casual"
shot of Tom standing around a bustling CBS promo area (and just what is
that bizarre white-background wonderland, anyway?), waving, and in many
cases, shrugging with a boyish Tom Selleck grin. I felt exactly the same
way watching the show Ė shrug.
And by the way, to me, the Olympics still arenít over. I have plenty
stored on tape to get me through the four long years until Salt Lake City.