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TITLE: Regarding Laira
AUTHOR: D'Rinda
EMAIL: jenifer624@earthlink.net
CATEGORY: angst, drama, hint of J/S, D/J friendship
RATING: PG - mild language
SEASON/SEQUEL: set after A Hundred Days
SPOILERS: A Hundred Days & Shades of Grey
SUMMARY: A month after O'Neill returns from Edora fences still need to be mended.
ARCHIVE: Please ask first
STATUS: complete
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are not mine (wish they were). They belong to a bunch of suits at MGM, I
think. I'm not making any money, so please don't sue me. This is for entertainment purposes only. Not to be archived without
permission.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Feedback is welcome, but please be kind.
DEDICATION: for Gail, who inspired me with "Changes" (with special thanks for her beta).
~*~
"Hey, Daniel."
Dr. Daniel Jackson jumped, nearly spilling his coffee.
"Jack!" Daniel shook his head, looking a little embarrassed by his jumpiness. Colonel Jack O'Neill had been
back from Edora for over a month but it seemed like Daniel was still trying to get used to having him around again.
"You got a minute, Danny boy?"
"Sure. Come on in," Daniel said, waving at a stool next to the table.
Jack hesitated at the threshold for a minute before moving into the room. After all, it wasn't every day that he braved
Daniel's office while the Doctor was working on a translation.
Daniel often got so caught up in whatever he was doing that he felt compelled to explain it, much like Carter and her
scientific stuff. Unlike Carter, who would practically bubble until some unsuspecting schmoe asked her what was going on,
Daniel would grab whoever was handy at the time, and Jack had been caught on any number of occasions. So, mostly, he avoided
Daniel's office out of self-preservation.
Today, however, was different. He was on a mission. There was something wrong with his team and he had to get to the
bottom of it before it got out of control.
When he had returned from Edora the only member of the team that was as he remembered him was Teal'c. The silent Jaffa
was just as enigmatic as ever, though every once in a while you could almost see a smile on his face, a testament to how truly
happy he had been at Jack's return.
Carter and Daniel were another story all together.
Carter was all business, all the time. The easy way they had had with each other before the disastrous mission to P5C-768
was gone. And Jack often caught a look from Daniel that seemed to be a recrimination, though for what he couldn't say.
Even in the midst of his own crisis about his time stranded on the planet, he had noticed their behavior. That distance
was one of the reasons he had agreed to the sting on the NID. However, avoiding the issue hadn't helped. If anything, it
had made things worse. Now, with the bad guys in jail and Earth's allies once again placated, Jack could no longer ignore
the situation.
In an attempt to keep from touching something he just *knew* he shouldn't, Jack stood with his hands in his pockets.
He looked over the mess on the table in front of him, trying to make heads or tails of the weathered parchments and the silence
lengthened, becoming just a bit uncomfortable.
"Did you want something, Jack?" Daniel prompted.
He nodded his head but it was another minute before he finally spoke.
"Look, Daniel. I need to know what's going on."
"What do you mean?"
At Daniel's purposely blank expression, Jack snapped, "Oh, come on, Daniel, you know I couldn't say anything about
the whole NID thing..."
"I know that, Jack," Daniel interrupted, calmly. "It doesn't mean I have to like it."
"True," he paused, fixing Daniel with a glance, "Are...uh...we going to be ok?"
"Yeah, Jack, we'll be fine," Daniel said, smiling slightly.
"Cause I was noticing a little tension between us," Jack waved his hand back and forth, indicating the both
of them, "whenever Carter's around." Jack lifted his brow in the universally Jack way of saying *Care to explain?*
"You may want to talk to Sam about that," Daniel answered, avoiding Jack's eyes.
"I've already talked to *Major Carter*," was his response, stressing the 'Major Carter' part so that Daniel
could understand pretty much how the conversation went. "She says she understands that I was following orders and my
'apology is accepted...Sir!' " he finished, mocking Sam's formal tone.
"Jack, it's really not my place..." At the look Jack gave him, he stopped. "You know, Jack, you can give
me that look as much as you want but I really don't know what's wrong with Sam."
Jack heard it; that slight emphasis on 'know'.
"But you suspect something, don't you?"
"Hmm...how's Laira?" Daniel asked, abruptly changing the subject.
"Daniel," he began, but seeing the expression on Daniel's face, he decided to back off for a little while.
Blowing out a breath in frustration, he replied, "I don't know."
"Really?"
"Yes, really."
"Because I thought since you Gated to..."
"Daniel, my so-called 'off-world retirement' was a ploy. I was only on Edora long enough to dial the coordinates
to the rogue NID base. I never saw Laira or any of the other townspeople."
What he didn't say was that he was glad he hadn't come across them. Part of why he needed things to be okay between him
and Daniel was because his time on Edora had left him a bit twisted and he needed to talk some of it out. *Ha! What a laugh!
Jack O'Neill needing to talk something out.* Still...much better for him to talk with his friend than to get sent to Mackenzie
for a little Head Shrinkage 101.
"Yeah...but now that SG-1 has some down time..."
Damn, but Daniel was persistent.
"I'm not going back, Daniel." That had certainly gotten Daniel's attention but Jack was all of a sudden fascinated
with one of Daniel's artifacts, ignoring his resolve to keep his hands safely in his pockets. "As far as the treaty
goes, SG-9 will be taking over the talks with the Edorans."
"And personally?" Daniel pressed.
"I screwed up, Daniel!" he huffed, thunking the rock down on the table.
"So, you and Laira..."
"There is no me and Laira." Daniel's eyebrows shot up in an expression that clearly said he didn't believe that.
*Just great, O'Neill. What's the point of talking if you're not going to be honest?*
"Look, Jack. I know it's none of my business," which Jack knew meant Daniel was going to say it anyway, "but
there was clearly some sort of connection between you two, even *before* the Gate was buried."
Jack was surprised and when he looked at Daniel it must have shown because his friend smiled and gave him that 'Come on,
Jack, I'm not an idiot' look that he was so good at.
"Have you figured it out yet?"
"Figured what out?" Jack wasn't an idiot either, but no sense making it easier on Daniel when Jack was having
such a hard time of it.
"What it was that drew you to Laira," Daniel responded, patiently.
Jack nodded, "Yeah, I think so."
"Well?"
Jack swallowed. "Sara," he said, all of a sudden reluctant. He was starting to feel a bit queasy. As a matter
of fact he thought he'd have rather faced the business end of a staff weapon than continue this but he soldiered on. "She
reminded me of Sara."
*The genie was out of the bottle now!* Jack knew the questions would come and he would somehow have to explain to Daniel
about Charlie and the aftermath of his death. Maybe he should just go...
"Jack?"
"Huh?"
"I said, how did she remind you of Sara?"
*Well, there it was. How to explain this to Daniel...Hell, how to explain this to anyone, including me.* When he began,
he was annoyed to hear his voice sounded low and unsteady.
"When Charlie..." was as far as he got before he had to stop. He tried again. "I blamed myself. And for
a time, Sara did too." *Not long enough* he thought. "But before long, she had found a balance, and instead of
hating me, like I hated myself, she started to push for me to grieve, so that I could...we could 'heal' she said."
Jack looked up at Daniel and for a minute dropped all his shields, letting his pain and regret show.
"So...?" Daniel said gently.
"So, I couldn't."
"Why not?"
"Because I didn't want to, Daniel. I didn't want to heal. You, of all people, should have been able to figure that
one out. That's what ended our marriage, the fact that I wouldn't even try to be whole again." *As if I could be.*
He shoved his hands back into his pockets.
"I'm still not getting the connection, Jack," Daniel said, looking a little confused.
Jack sighed. "When the Gate was buried, Laira pretty much gave up her people for lost. She grieved..." For
a moment he was lost in thought, remembering how she had cut him off when he'd tried to say they shouldn't give up. "...and
she pushed me to grieve, too."
"Just like Sara." Jack nodded. "But?"
"But I wanted to go home."
"And?"
"And I felt guilty!" Jack snapped, immediately sorry he did, but Daniel just brushed it off.
"Why would that make you feel guilty?"
"Because it felt like it was Sara asking, Daniel."
"And you felt like you were...what? Hurting her by refusing to grieve?"
*So he did get it.* Obviously uncomfortable, Jack switched tracks. "You know, I was in a dark place when you and
I met, but somehow you brought me around...shamed me into it, really." It was something he had thought about a lot that
first year, after leaving his new friend with the Abydonians. "Ever since that first Abydos mission, I promised myself
I wouldn't give up."
And for three solid months he hadn't. He hadn't believed, refused to believe, that he wasn't going home. That he wouldn't
get to tell...certain people how much they meant to him. He hadn't wanted to let go of something else he cared so much about.
"But?" Daniel prompted again, apparently taking his confession in stride.
"But Laira was..." he wanted to say 'relentless', "'encouraging' me to let go and I kept seeing Sara when
I looked at her. Like this was a way to make up for what I wasn't able to do to save my marriage," he finished, clearly
embarrassed.
"So...?"
He took a deep breath and admitted the thing that had been eating him up for the last month. "So, I did it. I gave
up," his voice was tinged with shame. "One more day, Daniel. All I needed to do was wait one more damn day!"
Jack was disgusted with himself. God, he hadn't even recognized himself but he had thought that if he could just change...maybe...grrr!
His frustration finally needing an outlet, he kicked a stool out of his way and started to pace.
After a time, he paused, focusing on one of Daniel's framed photographs. Jack remembered the day it was taken. It was
the team's first picnic together and Teal'c and Cassie's first picnic, period. Janet had captured them attempting to explain
kites to Teal'c and the big Jaffa was frowning mightily as the others laughed.
Jack turned back to Daniel, his mouth set. "I don't want to be with Laira, Daniel. I want to be with my family,
the people who accept me for who and what I am, warts and all. You, Teal'c, Carter, you're my family. This place,"
he said, gesturing around, "...this is where I belong."
"It’s good to have you back, Jack," Daniel said quietly.
He couldn't believe how glad he was to hear that. "Thanks, Daniel." Pause. "So, find any interesting rocks
while I was gone?"
Daniel laughed, and after Jack announced "No more heavy stuff!" they talked for a little while longer. They
were just catching each other up on what had happened in their lives over the months apart when they heard a small noise in
the hall. It brought Jack to his feet and he walked to the open door to check it out.
"Huh," he said, causing Daniel to join him there.
"I don't see anyone, Jack," Jack was often amused at Daniel's habit of stating the obvious.
"It's not what I see, Daniel," He closed his eyes and breathed deep. "It's what I smell."
Daniel followed his example, closing his eyes and breathing deeply. His eyes popped open. "Isn't that...?"
"Carter's perfume, yeah." And they both went back inside.
"Um, Jack...about Sam."
"I thought you said I should talk to Sam about that," Jack tossed back at him.
"And you should. But...uh...maybe I can give you a little bit of information. I mean, it's not like it's a secret
around here or anything."
Jack nodded his head, silently encouraging Daniel to continue.
"Well, look, I don't know how much you know about how we got through to the Gate..."
When Daniel paused Jack filled in what he knew.
"Carter built a thingamabob or a whojeemawhatsit and blasted through the soil. Right?"
"Right. But, did you know that the Joint Chiefs wanted to cut the project when they found out that the Tollan would
have a ship in the vicinity of Edora next year?" Jack felt all the blood drain from his face but Daniel, who had been
avoiding Jack's eyes, didn't seem to notice. By the time he looked up, Jack had already gotten himself under control. "They
were going to leave you there, Jack. Sam worked on the project with a vengeance. She didn't leave the base the whole time
you were gone. She lived on 3 maybe 4 hours of sleep unless Janet threatened to drug her. When I voiced concerns about it
to Janet, and mentioned the Tollan, she said they'd talked about it and that Sam said, and I quote 'He shouldn't have to wait
that long.' "
"Really? Way to go Sam," he joked, trying to hide the lump in his throat. *Jeez, when you screw up, O'Neill,
you really screw up!*
"Take my advice, Jack. Talk to Sam."
~~~~~*~~~~~
Jack stopped by the Mess on his way to Sam's office, picking up a peace offering and hoping he would know what to say
to her when he saw her. He was sure she had been outside of Daniel's office, but he didn't know if she had overheard the
whole conversation he and Daniel had or if hearing his voice had scared her away.
He stood watching her from the doorway for a few minutes. There had been chemistry since the moment he first laid eyes
on her, surprised that she was a 'she' instead of a 'he'. Those eyes, and that attitude! He'd had to sit down so he could
get his equilibrium back.
He didn't dwell on it everyday. Hell, he worked with her. If he did dwell on it he'd go insane, and having done that
once, he had no desire to repeat the process. However, every once in awhile it popped up, unexpectedly. Like now. He swallowed
hard, mentally shaking it off. He had to face the music sometime.
"Hey, Carter," he said from the doorway.
*Surprise! She jumped. Shut up, Jack.*
"A guy could get a complex with all the jumpiness around here," he said.
When she didn't respond, he continued, "Daniel did the same thing."
All that got was a nod. *Well, this is not going well.*
"Colonel, sir, I...um," Carter didn't get too far before she stopped to chew on her bottom lip.
*Down boy! But really was there anything sexier than Carter fumbling with words, blushing, and chewing on her bottom
lip? I mean, the whole attitude thing is great but this...it's a whole new side to her.* And she had refused to leave him
'there'.
"I'm sorry, sir," she said, finally.
He was pretty sure he knew what she was talking about but... "What for?"
"Um...I...uh..."
"Spit it out, Carter."
"Um, I was going to talk to Daniel, sir, and, well you were already in there...and, um, I..." she swallowed.
"I kind of over heard your conversation, sir," she finished in almost a whisper.
"Kind of?" he pressed.
"Yeah."
"Soooo..." he said, bouncing on the balls of his feet. "Wanna talk over some cake?" he asked, producing
the procured peace offering and two forks, but not moving forward. He held his breath. It seemed like a very long time before
she smiled that little smile and looked sheepishly at him.
"As long as we cut it in half this time, sir. You hog all the icing."
And just like that he knew they were going to be okay.
~The end~
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