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As a public service, I have put together a little guide for my fundamentalist visitors (you know who you are!) who might want a little advice on what to watch out for when going to the movies. Mind you, this is written with Christian fundamentalists in mind, though it now appears that Jewish or Islamic fundies might share many of the views found here. If you're not a fundy, you might want to look this over, just in case you ever want to invite a fundy out to the movies!
1. Love stories. Any good Christian knows that love stories in the movies involve people kissing. This is an unhealthy, unsanitary, unholy activity that will lead, often off screen, to fornication, which is the worst sin imaginable. No Christian should be exposed to even having to imagine such unholy activity! Never go to see this kind of movie. There's just no telling how many kinds of evil could infect your mind if you watch one!
2. Science Fiction: As we all know, the sorts of things you're likely to see in science fiction films are very harmful to the Christian! There are creatures that would never be created by a loving God, the characters are nearly always immoral, having never even heard of the Lord, and they sometimes even commit fornication with the ungodly creatures - though this is normally done off the screen. Add to this the pure fantasy often presented that there might be creatures that are not human that have intelligence (a pure impossibility - they would not be saved by Jesus' blood!), and you have a sure recipe for spiritual DISASTER! When the opportunity presents itself, all good Christians should burn science fiction videos.
3. Dramas: If you go to that den of evil called a video store, you will see a section called "Dramas." These films are throw-backs to the days when the ancient heathen Greeks and Romans produced plays of pure, multi-theistic evil. The characters in these dramas are always amoral, viscious sexual predators, often engaging in fornication for no reason acceptable to God - though this happens (less and less frequently, I'm sad to say) off the screen. In these films, it is not unusual to hear the characters take the name of the Lord in vain, which is an unpardonable sin! If you watch this sort of film, you might find yourself doing the same, so it's best to keep from watching these films, rather than risk being sent to hell.
4. Comedies: Many good Christian people have fallen into the trap of thinking it's OK to watch comedy films - but nothing could be further from the truth! While you're busy laughing at the antics of the characters on the screen, those off the screen are busy fornicating, you can believe that! And on the screen, they mock the Blessed Lord at every opportunity, using secret code words that heathens all know (I will not sully this holy page with a list of these words of destruction - but they are always there!). You will often see one character smite another, giving a blow that would surely cause severe injury, but the victim often appears to take no hurt. This could only happen if such a person was protected by the Holy Spirit, which is something we know they are not, because they are in an unholy comedy!
5. Adventure: Here is a pernicious and tricky sort of film. Often, the characters in these films are pitted against a villain the audience is supposed to think of as "evil," yet even the heroes in these films are evil! A good Christian man might start watching this sort of film, thinking that the hero is a "good guy," only to see him leave the screen in order to engage in fornication! So that at the end of the film, after having fornicated with several women (most of them off the screen - but not always!), the so-called good guy, who we should all know is going to hell, ends up destroying the villain, who is only slightly more evil than the hero, having fornicated far less than the hero nearly ever time! What's a Christian to do? AVOID these films!
6. Musicals: We all know that music, especially the heathen kind that uses drums, is normally used as a precursor to fornication. Any film with music in it is likely to stir even the audience up into a frenzy that they can scarcely escape without trying to fornicate right there in the theater! And you know that it must have affected the poor souls in the film the same way. There's no doubt that with normal movies, where the music is added after the acting is done, the fornication is limited to that performed off screen. However, when the actors perform songs and actually DANCE, those movie sets must have become the scenes of the wildest orgies IMAGINABLE!
Excuse me a moment....
(ten minutes later)
to resume:
7. Cartoons: The evils of animated movies are many. First of all, there are the types that show animals talking, often they are the poor types of animals that were killed in the Great Flood, and are used by the deluded, evil, un-funny evolutionists who think they can tell how old things are! In addition, cartoons can show anything a person can imagine, including off-screen fornication! These films are poisoning the minds of our young people, getting them used to the idea that such unnatural things as talking animals (other than talking snakes and donkeys, which we know were able to talk - it's in the Bible!) and million-year-old dinosaurs are possible. Never ever let your good children see such obviously false things, or they are almost SURE to end up in HELL!
8. War movies: While the idea of serving your country to defend it against the evil false Christians of other countries is a good, holy thing for a young MAN to do, war movies have become tools of the DEVIL! Often, we will see things done that are not Godly; even the heroes of these films will be seen to sin openly. While it may be understandable for the characters to fornicate off the screen in these movies, it is still NOT a HOLY THING nearly all the time. It may be that on rare occasions you may see movies of this type where the characters do only holy killing of their enemies, but it really isn't worth the risk of seeing such ungodly things as fornication, homosexuality, and swearing! Don't take the RISK!!
9. Documentaries: The cautious Christian must be wary of this insidious type of film. It is never safe to assume that you know what material will be in the film, and often it is harmful to Christian moral fiber. For one thing, you are liable to see things that put Christians in a negative light (though we all know that such things are, by definition, false and not to be believed!). But there are also many films that show scientists in a positive light, which is also completely against what we know of THEM. After all, we know that as soon as the cameras stop rolling, they invariably engage in wild, immoral fornication, hoping to drive from their minds the sure knowledge that they are headed for HELL. Such things can be seen in their eyes as they face the camera without actually making eye contact with the viewers they are ashamed to actually face!
When it comes right down to it, the faithful Christian might just want to avoid going to the movies anyway. After all, the Bible is a whole library of good, wholesome, moral lessons. If a Christian needs to hear of good, family-oriented stories, they can open its holy pages and read of the great things done by the men and (to a much lesser extent) women of God. You could read about Elisha, David, Solomon, Jephthah, Samson, Ezekiel, Joshua, Samuel, Paul, and (above all) Jesus!
(c) 1999 J. Eric Harrington
