I hear the questions quite often. "What would it take to make you believe in God?" "How could you stop believing in God?" "Why are you an atheist?" These questions are all related, in my mind at least, to the issue of being honest with myself.
I spent most of my life (up to this point, at least) believing in God - in particular believing in Jesus and the whole deal of Christianity. I believed I was "born again" and that I had the Holy Spirit dwelling in me, and that I would go to heaven after my death (or at the time of the Final Judgment - which ever came first). I've already encountered some believers who have told me that I couldn't have "really" been saved if I fell away from Christianity. I must have been (in their minds) one of those false believers Jesus talked about. My only response to that sort of statement is that I have as much evidence that I was a True Christian™ as they currently have - which of course is zero.
Over the past five years or so, I went through a process (already described in my Religious Autobiography) of losing my faith. It was a gradual process, one that I found distressing at the time. I kept telling myself that I was wrong to question my beliefs about God and the nature of the universe. I kept trying to convince myself that everything about church and the Bible were good and right, and that the doubts I kept thinking about were incorrect.
Of course, all this has changed, and I now have no problem with telling people that I consider the Bible to be just another set of ancient writings which were (and unfortunately are) used in an ancient and pointless religion. At the present time, I see no reason to think I shall ever change my mind on this subject.
I say this with a very specific meaning in mind. The meaning in my mind is that everything that I know about Christianity and the Bible points to confirming my current beliefs concerning them. In addition, I spent several months reading everything I could find from Christians in favor of their beliefs. I was searching (sometimes with fervent hopes) for some statement, some argument, some piece of evidence I could accept, and none were available. There were no words, no images, no songs that moved me to change my mind concerning religious matters. That is how things stand in my mind to this day.
Had I spoken on this subject , say, 10 years ago, I would have said just about the opposite. I was a devoted Christian, and all I knew supported my beliefs. I was firmly committed to supporting my church and its missions projects, and I would have witnessed to anyone I could about my beliefs. I would have told anyone who asked that nothing I knew of could change my beliefs.
The main point of my concern is the openness of my mind. I see no problem with saying that I am firmly convinced of something, like the current non-existence of the person Christians know as their savior, while 10 years ago I was just as firmly committed to the exact opposite view. I know the importance of being honest with myself, and this issue, of the many that face people in their everyday lives, is one of the most vital, and the most important for self-honesty. 10 years ago, I was unaware of the things that would come into (and depart from) my life that would raise questions about the very basis of my beliefs about the universe, and the meaning of life and death. Now that I have gone through this process of dealing with the things that I had to deal with, I have changed my beliefs.
Now perhaps it was a good thing that I struggled against the change. After all, such a change meant a major change in many aspects of my life. To go through such an enormous swing in my mental affairs was much like moving from one home to another. It stirs up an awful lot of dust, and things aren't settled for quite a while. I really believe that such a change is better avoided, unless you have a VERY good reason for it. After doing much research and thinking, it became necessary to break out of the old mental home and find new digs - so to speak.
Will I keep with atheism for the rest of my life? So far as I can tell today, the answer is yes. However, my life experience tells me that there may come a time that I will find it necessary to change again. I have no clue what that impetus may be. If God exists, presumably he knows. I won't follow that line of thought to its logical conclusion - it's left as an exercise for the reader.