Revelation

This book is about the most famous (and infamous) book in the Bible. The imagery is quite striking, and it's about impossible to get any set of believers to agree on what it means. I think it's very interesting, though, that it has been used almost constantly over the centuries to "prove" that the end of the world is "only a few months away." The fun you can have with the numbers tossed around in this book is about endless - but as a guide to the future, it has proven to be a complete failure.

Rev 1:1-3 - The revelation of Jesus Christ, which God gave him to show his servants what must soon take place; he made it known by sending his angel to his servant John, who testified to the word of God and to the testimony of Jesus Christ, even to all that he saw. Blessed is the one who reads aloud the words of the prophecy, and blessed are those who hear and who keep what is written in it; for the time is near.
The writer here was apparently convinced that the things he was predicting would happen quite soon, as did all the members of the early church. When that proved to be wrong, they started searching for ways to keep believing in spite of the fact that their beliefs had been proven wrong. Now there are whole theologies that do nothing but try to show that the Bible doesn't mean what it actually says.

Rev 2:4,5 - But I have this against you, that you have abandoned the love you had at first. Remember then from what you have fallen; repent, and do the works you did at first. If not, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place, unless you repent.
Is this the way of love? Ordering a change in heart on pain of being expelled (presumably meaning death) is not a loving thing to do, rather it is coercion and force. The result of such a statement may have been to get the church being addressed to feel bad about this complaint, but any work done would have been out of fear, and not out of love or any other positive emotion.

Rev 2:17 - Let anyone who has an ear listen to what the Spirit is saying to the churches. To everyone who conquers I will give some of the hidden manna, and I will give a white stone, and on the white stone is written a new name that no one knows except the one who receives it.
These people were apparently quite fond of secret names, mysteries and other magical images. If there was a hidden meaning in this gibberish originally, it is long gone, and believers are free to imagine anything they please about these things.

Rev 2:20-23 - But I have this against you: you tolerate that woman Jezebel, who calls herself a prophet and is teaching and beguiling my servants to practice fornication and to eat food sacrificed to idols. I gave her time to repent, but she refuses to repent of her fornication. Beware, I am throwing her on a bed, and those who commit adultery with her I am throwing into great distress, unless they repent of her doings; and I will strike her children dead. And all the churches will know that I am the one who searches minds and hearts, and I will give to each of you as your works deserve.
It's a mixed bag at this point of the Bible. You can find in just about any quote things that contradict something that came before, and you can find things copied from other places. For contradictions, look at the thing about eating food sacrificed to idols. In 1 Corinthians, Paul said it wasn't a problem. Later, it says that Jesus will decide fates based on what their works deserve - which is certainly the opposite of most of what Paul stated. It seems to me that this thing about calling sinners "Jezebel" and accusing them of sexual crimes and reacting by threatening exposure and embarrassment in front of her partners - Didn't Jeremiah say exactly the same thing?

Rev 3:2 - Wake up, and strengthen what remains and is on the point of death, for I have not found your works perfect in the sight of my God.
This was supposedly Jesus speaking. First, I think it's odd that this is so much unlike the things I normally hear from Christians. I always thought it was impossible for anyone to do anything perfectly - but here we see Jesus busting the chops of a church for being less than perfect! And what's this about Jesus telling us about HIS God? Wasn't Jesus a Trinitarian?

Rev 4:8-11 - And the four living creatures, each of them with six wings, are full of eyes all around and inside. Day and night without ceasing they sing, "Holy, holy, holy, the Lord God the Almighty, who was and is and is to come." And whenever the living creatures give glory and honor and thanks to the one who is seated on the throne, who lives forever and ever, the twenty-four elders fall before the one who is seated on the throne and worship the one who lives forever and ever; they cast their crowns before the throne, singing, "You are worthy, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they existed and were created."
I think that this sort of ostentation ought to be plenty of adoration for even the most "jealous" god imaginable! But I sometimes forget - being infinite, God needs infinite praise in order to even hope to feel loved enough. That's a funny thing about trying to figure out infinite beings - you never know what parts of them are really finite or not!

Rev 6:3,4 - When he opened the second seal, I heard the second living creature call out, "Come!" And out came another horse, bright red; its rider was permitted to take peace from the earth, so that people would slaughter one another; and he was given a great sword.
The second horseman of the apocalypse, war, was about as useless a fellow as I've ever heard of. There's never been a time during which humans haven't been fighting each other. I seriously doubt anyone would take much notice if this guy showed up today!

Rev 6:9-11 - When he opened the fifth seal, I saw under the altar the souls of those who had been slaughtered for the word of God and for the testimony they had given; they cried out with a loud voice, "Sovereign Lord, holy and true, how long will it be before you judge and avenge our blood on the inhabitants of the earth?" They were each given a white robe and told to rest a little longer, until the number would be complete both of their fellow servants and of their brothers and sisters, who were soon to be killed as they themselves had been killed.
My question on this was - where are the souls of all those who were killed BY the people carrying the Christian religion to the world?

Rev 6:12-14 - When he opened the sixth seal, I looked, and there came a great earthquake; the sun became black as sackcloth, the full moon became like blood, and the stars of the sky fell to the earth as the fig tree drops its winter fruit when shaken by a gale. The sky vanished like a scroll rolling itself up, and every mountain and island was removed from its place.
I suppose that the idea of the stars falling from the sky could be taken as a meteor shower, which is one reason why such events are generally frightening to those who are ignorant of what they actually are, but who have closely and faithfully read their Bibles. I won't go into the other space events. However, the last prediction, that the sky will roll up like a scroll shows just how ignorant the writer was as to what the sky actually is.

 Rev 7:1 - After this I saw four angels standing at the four corners of the earth, holding back the four winds of the earth so that no wind could blow on earth or sea or against any tree.
John saw beings standing at the corners of the earth? Sounds like the earth was flat and square, from the way he described it!

Rev 7:2,3 - I saw another angel ascending from the rising of the sun, having the seal of the living God, and he called with a loud voice to the four angels who had been given power to damage earth and sea, saying, "Do not damage the earth or the sea or the trees, until we have marked the servants of our God with a seal on their foreheads."
This is a copy of the idea presented in Ezekiel, where an angel went through Jerusalem, marking the foreheads of those to be spared from slaughter. Funny thing, that prediction never came through, either!

Rev 7:9 - After this I looked, and there was a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, from all tribes and peoples and languages, standing before the throne and before the Lamb, robed in white, with palm branches in their hands.
I suppose this is meant to imply that the number of people who eventually get into heaven will be a huge number, more than could be counted. Funny thing, though, is that when you start asking Christians about who the true believers are, they'll nearly invariably say that there are precious few of them. Usually themselves and the friends they have in their church, but hardly anyone else!

Rev 7:16,17 - They will hunger no more, and thirst no more; the sun will not strike them, nor any scorching heat; for the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd, and he will guide them to springs of the water of life, and God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.
This is a neat little quote from the Old Testament (well parts are quotes). The writer was really keen on the image of Jesus as a shepherd of a flock of helpless, mindless followers, unable to protect themselves. It's a neat idea, for those who prefer to live as a helpless victim in a world too big and scary to face, but it's not all that attractive for those who have found that they can live life without protection.

Rev 8:12 - The fourth angel blew his trumpet, and a third of the sun was struck, and a third of the moon, and a third of the stars, so that a third of their light was darkened; a third of the day was kept from shining, and likewise the night.
That's a neat trick! After the sky was all rolled up and taken away, back in chapter 6, we're still able to see the moon, sun and stars! I'd also like to see what having a third of the sun taken away would look like? I would guess that taking away a third of the day and night would mean that the earth's rotation would speed up to make the days 16 hours long?

Rev 9:3,4 - Then from the smoke came locusts on the earth, and they were given authority like the authority of scorpions of the earth. They were told not to damage the grass of the earth or any green growth or any tree, but only those people who do not have the seal of God on their foreheads.
So instead of an angel of death zapping everyone, as in Ezekiel, we're now looking at locusts. So we're getting a sort of salad bar mixture of things picked from all over the Old Testament. Nothing much new, but it may be a fun ride!

Rev 9:7-10 - In appearance the locusts were like horses equipped for battle. On their heads were what looked like crowns of gold; their faces were like human faces, their hair like women's hair, and their teeth like lions' teeth; they had scales like iron breastplates, and the noise of their wings was like the noise of many chariots with horses rushing into battle. They have tails like scorpions, with stingers, and in their tails is their power to harm people for five months.
That's funny! If I saw a critter that fits this description, I seriously doubt I'd even come close to calling it a "locust"! The only person who would make this sort of association is a person who's either dreaming or on some serious hallucinogenic drugs.

Rev 9:20,21 - The rest of humankind, who were not killed by these plagues, did not repent of the works of their hands or give up worshipping demons and idols of gold and silver and bronze and stone and wood, which cannot see or hear or walk. And they did not repent of their murders or their sorceries or their fornication or their thefts.
Oh, this is truly believable! With the sky rolling away like a scroll, the sun and moon getting chopped to pieces and all these other things going on around them, all the non-Christians will go about their business like nothing unusual had happened! The other thing that I found believable is that the non-believers are portrayed as horrific, evil people. I wonder how many believers accept this as an accurate description of us?

Rev 10:2-4 - He held a little scroll open in his hand. Setting his right foot on the sea and his left foot on the land, he gave a great shout, like a lion roaring. And when he shouted, the seven thunders sounded. And when the seven thunders had sounded, I was about to write, but I heard a voice from heaven saying, "Seal up what the seven thunders have said, and do not write it down."
Sort of makes you wonder why he bothered to mention this at all? After all, what better way to seal up what was said than to keep from even mentioning that anything was said?

Rev 12:1-6 - A great portent appeared in heaven: a woman clothed with the sun, with the moon under her feet, and on her head a crown of twelve stars. She was pregnant and was crying out in birth pangs, in the agony of giving birth. Then another portent appeared in heaven: a great red dragon, with seven heads and ten horns, and seven diadems on his heads. His tail swept down a third of the stars of heaven and threw them to the earth. Then the dragon stood before the woman who was about to bear a child, so that he might devour her child as soon as it was born. And she gave birth to a son, a male child, who is to rule all the nations with a rod of iron. But her child was snatched away and taken to God and to his throne; and the woman fled into the wilderness, where she has a place prepared by God, so that there she can be nourished for one thousand two hundred sixty days.
This strikes me as coming pretty close to making Mary, the mother of Jesus, into a goddess very similar to Hera, the wife of Zeus. I have heard that the red dragon was supposed to represent a Roman emperor, or possibly Rome in general, but I'll have to read more about this before I can pass the information along.

Rev 12:11 - But they have conquered him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, for they did not cling to life even in the face of death.
This is yet another of the fine examples of the material available in the Bible for anyone who wants to go in for cult-building and recruiting suicide bombers.

Rev 12:16 - But the earth came to the help of the woman; it opened its mouth and swallowed the river that the dragon had poured from his mouth.
Now the earth becomes an active player in this fantasy? Sounds very much like the Greek myths, and this concept was most likely very familiar to all people in the Mediterranean area of those days, regardless of their original religion. Made them quite comfortable to hear such things, I expect!

Rev 13:7,8 - Also it was allowed to make war on the saints and to conquer them. It was given authority over every tribe and people and language and nation, and all the inhabitants of the earth will worship it, everyone whose name has not been written from the foundation of the world in the book of life of the Lamb that was slaughtered.
Now, this is a curious concept! Everyone whose name is in the Book of Life has been in that book from the very beginning. So far as I can tell, this means predestination. So I wonder why it is that Christians don't care for that term? I mean, if everything is set in place by God in advance, why get so passionate about it as we go through life?

Rev 14:4,5 - It is these who have not defiled themselves with women, for they are virgins; these follow the Lamb wherever he goes. They have been redeemed from humankind as first fruits for God and the Lamb, and in their mouth no lie was found; they are blameless.
Why is it, I wonder, that women are even allowed in this religion? I mean, their very touch apparently means defilement, and male virginity is the highest ideal! Also, I wonder exactly what it is about this religion that attracts any women at all?

Rev 14:9-11 - Then another angel, a third, followed them, crying with a loud voice, "Those who worship the beast and its image, and receive a mark on their foreheads or on their hands, they will also drink the wine of God's wrath, poured unmixed into the cup of his anger, and they will be tormented with fire and sulfur in the presence of the holy angels and in the presence of the Lamb. And the smoke of their torment goes up forever and ever. There is no rest day or night for those who worship the beast and its image and for anyone who receives the mark of its name."
Here's the answer to a question I've had for a while. Who's going to be in charge of the torments in hell? It looks here like Jesus is going to be overseeing the process. What a Prince of Peace this guy is!

Rev 14:18-20 - Then another angel came out from the altar, the angel who has authority over fire, and he called with a loud voice to him who had the sharp sickle, "Use your sharp sickle and gather the clusters of the vine of the earth, for its grapes are ripe." So the angel swung his sickle over the earth and gathered the vintage of the earth, and he threw it into the great wine press of the wrath of God. And the wine press was trodden outside the city, and blood flowed from the wine press, as high as a horse's bridle, for a distance of about two hundred miles.
Is there any wonder why I call the Bible the "book-o-blood"? In Psalms, there are a fair number of equally violent, gory verses waiting for you, in case you haven't seen them yet. Enjoy!

Rev 16:14-16 - These are demonic spirits, performing signs, who go abroad to the kings of the whole world, to assemble them for battle on the great day of God the Almighty. ("See, I am coming like a thief! Blessed is the one who stays awake and is clothed, not going about naked and exposed to shame.") And they assembled them at the place that in Hebrew is called Harmagedon.
Where the heck did that parenthetical statement come from? Did we get another hiccup in God's word processor?

Rev 19:1,2 - After this I heard what seemed to be the loud voice of a great multitude in heaven, saying, "Hallelujah! Salvation and glory and power to our God, for his judgments are true and just; he has judged the great whore who corrupted the earth with her fornication, and he has avenged on her the blood of his servants."
This is the stuff that oppressed, weak people love to hear! Their supernatural protector will one day (some day) come and zap the people who are hurting them! The problem for Christians these days is looking for reasons to feel like they're still oppressed. In Europe, the Americas and much of the rest of the world, they are politically and economically dominant. So now, they're reduced to accusing people who ignore them of "oppressing" them. In effect, God will need to wreak vengeance on people for ignoring Christians and the other horrible crime of "not respecting" them. Oh MY!

Rev 19:7,8 - "...Let us rejoice and exult and give him the glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready; to her it has been granted to be clothed with fine linen, bright and pure"- for the fine linen is the righteous deeds of the saints.
I thought there was no one who is righteous - how could any "saint" have a righteous deed? This is one confusing jumble of a religion!

Rev 21:8 - But as for the cowardly, the faithless, the polluted, the murderers, the fornicators, the sorcerers, the idolaters, and all liars, their place will be in the lake that burns with fire and sulfur, which is the second death.
Well, I guess they didn't really mean ALL liars will be put in this lake of fire. After all, the "gospel truth" in John said that Jesus told lies. So I suppose this should read "nearly all liars" to be really accurate!

Rev 21:16 - The city lies foursquare, its length the same as its width; and he measured the city with his rod, fifteen hundred miles; its length and width and height are equal.
Hold on! This means that the New Jerusalem is going to be one BIG city! And it'll be a cube! All you Sci-fi fans know what that means! Heaven is a Borg ship! (only SOME will be assimilated!)

Rev 21:21 - And the twelve gates are twelve pearls, each of the gates is a single pearl, and the street of the city is pure gold, transparent as glass.
We have a physics problem here. We're able to say, with pretty good certainty, that when you get a chunk of completely pure gold, it won't be "transparent." Also, I have my doubts that God will be able to find an oyster big enough to make pearls the correct size for these gates.

Rev 22:8,9 - I, John, am the one who heard and saw these things. And when I heard and saw them, I fell down to worship at the feet of the angel who showed them to me; but he said to me, "You must not do that! I am a fellow servant with you and your comrades the prophets, and with those who keep the words of this book. Worship God!"
This is the second time in this book that John tried to worship an angel. You'd think most people would have gotten the message the first time around!

Rev 22:10 - And he said to me, "Do not seal up the words of the prophecy of this book, for the time is near..."
For a book that is "unsealed," Revelation is sure pretty close to being completely non-understandable! And of course, we have to remember that part about the seven thunders that was sealed up. Oh well.

Rev 22:18,19 - I warn everyone who hears the words of the prophecy of this book: if anyone adds to them, God will add to that person the plagues described in this book; if anyone takes away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God will take away that person's share in the tree of life and in the holy city, which are described in this book.
I wonder about this little addendum. It's a rather childish attempt to threaten anyone who might want to edit these words in any way. Also, it can't be purely coincidence that this threat comes at the very end of the Bible, as though it might be an attempt to keep anyone from altering the entire Bible. Which I think it's a sure thing that it failed to do.