Luke

If you took Matthew and Mark, rolled them together, added a few weird stories, and did a shoddy job of editing, you'd probably come up with something very much like Luke. At least this book is honest enough to state at the beginning that the author was not a personal witness to the life of Jesus, which makes me wonder why anyone ever tried to claim that these four books are the work of "eye witnesses." Anyway, this book is the largest of the Gospels, and the last of the synoptic ones. It used to be my favorite, back when I was a believer. I still think it's superior to the others as a written work, but I now think it's just another collection of myths.

Lk 1:3,4 - I too decided, after investigating everything carefully from the very first, to write an orderly account for you, most excellent Theophilus, so that you may know the truth concerning the things about which you have been instructed.
OK, so this author is giving us his story at least second hand, maybe third. After all, he appears to quote from Matthew and Mark quite often. We can at least be certain that this was not written by an "eye witness."

Lk 1:5,6 - In the days of King Herod of Judea, there was a priest named Zechariah, who belonged to the priestly order of Abijah. His wife was a descendant of Aaron, and her name was Elizabeth. Both of them were righteous before God, living blamelessly according to all the commandments and regulations of the Lord.
The first thing that struck me here was the recurrence of the name Zechariah (my pet theory is that Jesus was a nut case who fixated on the book of Zechariah), but I also think it interesting that this says that Zech and his wife were righteous and blameless. If they lived according to all the laws, that would make them sinless - right?

Lk 1:15-17 - You will have joy and gladness, and many will rejoice at his birth, for he will be great in the sight of the Lord. He must never drink wine or strong drink; even before his birth he will be filled with the Holy Spirit. He will turn many of the people of Israel to the Lord their God. With the spirit and power of Elijah he will go before him, to turn the hearts of parents to their children, and the disobedient to the wisdom of the righteous, to make ready a people prepared for the Lord."
Well, at least here, when John the Baptist is linked with Elijah, they do a fair job of it, reminding us of the prophecy of Elijah's return in Malachi, and making him sound a little like he's a nazirite!

Lk 1:18-20 - Zechariah said to the angel, "How will I know that this is so? For I am an old man, and my wife is getting on in years." The angel replied, "I am Gabriel. I stand in the presence of God, and I have been sent to speak to you and to bring you this good news. But now, because you did not believe my words, which will be fulfilled in their time, you will become mute, unable to speak, until the day these things occur."
Looks like old Zechariah blew it! He doubts an angel, dares to ask a question and pays a pretty hefty price! An interesting object lesson for any Christian who would dare to question the messengers of God, eh?

Lk 1:34-37 - Mary said to the angel, "How can this be, since I am a virgin?" The angel said to her, "The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you; therefore the child to be born will be holy; he will be called Son of God. And now, your relative Elizabeth in her old age has also conceived a son; and this is the sixth month for her who was said to be barren. For nothing will be impossible with God."
Looks like Mary dodged a bullet on this one. She asked the same question as Zechariah, but maybe this wasn't such a bad day for the angel. Anyway, this is really pretty standard fare for religious stories (otherwise known as myths) in the Mediterranean basin. Girl meets god. God gets girl pregnant by miracle, girl gives birth to super hero. Happened all the time!

Lk 2:1-5 - In those days a decree went out from Emperor Augustus that all the world should be registered. This was the first registration and was taken while Quirinius was governor of Syria. All went to their own towns to be registered. Joseph also went from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to the city of David called Bethlehem, because he was descended from the house and family of David. He went to be registered with Mary, to whom he was engaged and who was expecting a child.
There are some pretty serious problems with this story already. First off, why would the Romans, who were nothing if not efficient administrators, order such a stupid thing? A census would be no problem, but what possible good could it do to send people to the town of their ancestry? It would have been of no possible interest to the Romans. For that matter, why go to the home town of his ancestor David? Why not Abraham? Or Noah? Or Adam? The only reason for writing this was to give Joseph an excuse to go from Nazareth to Bethlehem. And a pretty flimsy one at that!

Lk 2:21,22 - After eight days had passed, it was time to circumcise the child; and he was called Jesus, the name given by the angel before he was conceived in the womb. When the time came for their purification according to the law of Moses, they brought him up to Jerusalem to present him to the Lord.
This is odd! Matthew tells us that Joseph fled for Jesus' very life into Egypt! Here, Luke tells us nothing unusual happened after Jesus' birth! Where was God's continuity checker?

Lk 2:28-33 - Simeon took him in his arms and praised God, saying, "Master, now you are dismissing your servant in peace, according to your word; for my eyes have seen your salvation, which you have prepared in the presence of all peoples, a light for revelation to the Gentiles and for glory to your people Israel." And the child's father and mother were amazed at what was being said about him.
My question here is "why?" Why would Joseph and Mary be amazed at what some old codger said praising their little bundle of joy, after hearing the exact same sort of stuff from angels? Were they too dense to remember things said to them only a few months before - by angels!?

Lk 2:46-49 - After three days they found him in the temple, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions. And all who heard him were amazed at his understanding and his answers. When his parents saw him they were astonished; and his mother said to him, "Child, why have you treated us like this? Look, your father and I have been searching for you in great anxiety." He said to them, "Why were you searching for me? Did you not know that I must be in my Father's house?"
I don't know. I'd have slapped a kid who gave this sort of lip to his mother. Is this what was meant in the 10 commandments when it said "honor your mother"?

Lk 3:19-22 - But Herod the ruler, who had been rebuked by him because of Herodias, his brother's wife, and because of all the evil things that Herod had done, added to them all by shutting up John in prison. Now when all the people were baptized, and when Jesus also had been baptized and was praying, the heaven was opened, and the Holy Spirit descended upon him in bodily form like a dove. And a voice came from heaven, "You are my Son, the Beloved; with you I am well pleased."
This looks pretty shoddy, as I mentioned earlier. What story teller would chop up his narrative like this and tell us about John the Baptist being tossed into jail, then cut right back to the baptism of Jesus? Like I said - poor editing!

Lk 3:23 - Jesus was about thirty years old when he began his work. He was the son (as was thought) of Joseph son of Heli...
Yet another continuity blunder! In Matthew, Joseph's father was listed as Jacob! Didn't anyone proofread this before sending it to the printer?

Lk 3:31,32 - ...son of Melea, son of Menna, son of Mattatha, son of Nathan, son of David, son of Jesse, son of Obed, son of Boaz, son of Sala, son of Nahshon,...
We're 2/3 of the way through the listing of Jesus' ancestry through his step-father Joseph. Here's another discrepancy - Luke lists the male line through Nathan, while Matthew lists it through Solomon! Curiouser and curiouser!

Lk 4:5-7 - Then the devil led him up and showed him in an instant all the kingdoms of the world. And the devil said to him, "To you I will give their glory and all this authority; for it has been given over to me, and I give it to anyone I please. If you, then, will worship me, it will all be yours."
I sort of wonder why the devil would try to tempt Jesus with a big step down in his station in the scheme of things? I think it makes the story sound a little goofy, if you ask me!

Lk 4:9-12 - Then the devil took him to Jerusalem, and placed him on the pinnacle of the temple, saying to him, "If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down from here, for it is written, 'He will command his angels concerning you, to protect you,' and 'On their hands they will bear you up, so that you will not dash your foot against a stone.' " Jesus answered him, "It is said, 'Do not put the Lord your God to the test.' "
Excuse me? Aren't people supposed to "put the spirits to the test"? This looks like the first instance of Jesus refusing to perform a miracle in the presence of an enemy. It won't be the last!

Lk 4:41 - Demons also came out of many, shouting, "You are the Son of God!" But he rebuked them and would not allow them to speak, because they knew that he was the Messiah.
Why is it, do you think, that Jesus couldn't get these demons to obey him? I mean, obviously, no demon could be heard after being cast out, so logically, Jesus had to have told them to be quiet before performing his exorcism. What could have been the problem?

Lk 6:5-7 - Then he said to them, "The Son of Man is lord of the sabbath." On another sabbath he entered the synagogue and taught, and there was a man there whose right hand was withered. The scribes and the Pharisees watched him to see whether he would cure on the sabbath, so that they might find an accusation against him.
This I don't understand. If Jesus was going around putting himself on an equal footing with God, that was a violation of Jewish laws against blasphemy, and Deuteronomy prescribes death for such actions. Why would the scribes need other items to accuse Jesus with?

Lk 6:12 - Now during those days he went out to the mountain to pray; and he spent the night in prayer to God.
According to the doctrine of the Trinity, this means Jesus was talking to himself. Or it could mean (more reasonably, I think) that Luke (the original author, thatis) had no idea that Jesus was God in the flesh?

Lk 6:30 - Give to everyone who begs from you; and if anyone takes away your goods, do not ask for them again.
This is part of Luke's version of the Sermon on the Mount. Once again, we see a command from the founder of this religion ordering his followers to be a complete doormat in this life for no reason, other than that it could make robbing them that much easier. Of course, there are about zero Christians who take this imperative from Jesus to heart and follow it.

Lk 6:37 - "Do not judge, and you will not be judged; do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven..."
These words from Jesus are downright confusing, when set next to the words found in the rest of the New Testament, saying that faith is the only way to avoid God's judgment. If Jesus was not telling the truth here, or only part of the truth, was it a good thing to put such confusing things in the Bible?

Lk 6:43,44 - "No good tree bears bad fruit, nor again does a bad tree bear good fruit; for each tree is known by its own fruit. Figs are not gathered from thorns, nor are grapes picked from a bramble bush."
If we look at the fruit of the actions attributed to God in the Bible, I think this test will show some interesting results - genocide (destruction of the peoples of Palestine), xenophobia (laws against marriages with foreigners), ignorance (the only knowledge worth having is knowledge of God), and confusion (trying to follow conflicting laws, trying to figure out who God is really talking to). If we look at the fruits of Christianity over the 2000 years it's been around, we get - exactly the same thing! Genocide (the Crusades), xenophobia (the Inquisition), ignorance (science is ungodly), and confusion (note the conflicting statements on salvation in the gospels).

Lk 7:12-16 - As he approached the gate of the town, a man who had died was being carried out. He was his mother's only son, and she was a widow; and with her was a large crowd from the town. When the Lord saw her, he had compassion for her and said to her, "Do not weep." Then he came forward and touched the bier, and the bearers stood still. And he said, "Young man, I say to you, rise!" The dead man sat up and began to speak, and Jesus gave him to his mother. Fear seized all of them; and they glorified God, saying, "A great prophet has risen among us!" and "God has looked favorably on his people!"
Exactly what would be the point, I wonder, of re-animating a corpse? There is no mention of this person becoming immortal, so we can assume he'd only die again, and his loved ones would only have to go through the same mourning process later, rather than sooner. On the other hand, this story can cause harm to believers, because they can think that such miracles can occur when their loved ones die. I wrote an essay on this subject, in case you're interested in reading it.

Lk 8:19-21 - Then his mother and his brothers came to him, but they could not reach him because of the crowd. And he was told, "Your mother and your brothers are standing outside, wanting to see you." But he said to them, "My mother and my brothers are those who hear the word of God and do it."
This is a hallmark of cult practices. Tell your followers that the importance of family ties is far less important than following the orders of your religion, putting a barrier between members of families and cutting any ties of love not approved by the leaders.

Lk 8:30-33 - Jesus then asked him, "What is your name?" He said, "Legion"; for many demons had entered him. They begged him not to order them to go back into the abyss. Now there on the hillside a large herd of swine was feeding; and the demons begged Jesus to let them enter these. So he gave them permission. Then the demons came out of the man and entered the swine, and the herd rushed down the steep bank into the lake and was drowned.
This is pretty nonsensical on the surface. I understand, though, that there's a good possibility that this story is more a metaphor for driving the foreign (and therefore "unclean") Romans away from Palestine and into the sea from which they came. It's quite a political story, when viewed that way, and one that never came true, if it was in fact some sort of "prophecy."

Lk 8:44-46 - She came up behind him and touched the fringe of his clothes, and immediately her hemorrhage stopped. Then Jesus asked, "Who touched me?" When all denied it, Peter said, "Master, the crowds surround you and press in on you." But Jesus said, "Someone touched me; for I noticed that power had gone out from me."
I find it interesting that this claims that a miracle could happen without a specific decision or action on the part of Jesus. All it took was one person who wanted a miracle. Of course all the people surrounding and touching Jesus wanted something from him, but nothing was happening. It must have been the magic of faith! So, why doesn't this magic still work today?

Lk 9:28-32 - Now about eight days after these sayings Jesus took with him Peter and John and James, and went up on the mountain to pray. And while he was praying, the appearance of his face changed, and his clothes became dazzling white. Suddenly they saw two men, Moses and Elijah, talking to him. They appeared in glory and were speaking of his departure, which he was about to accomplish at Jerusalem. Now Peter and his companions were weighed down with sleep; but since they had stayed awake, they saw his glory and the two men who stood with him.
This sounds like more of a very vivid dream, the sort you have and wonder at how real it felt to you after you wake up. For after "hearing" God's endorsement of Jesus, all the miraculous elements of the scene vanish without a trace, and they have only a memory of seeing these things while being very sleepy.

Lk 9:42-45 - While he was coming, the demon dashed him to the ground in convulsions. But Jesus rebuked the unclean spirit, healed the boy, and gave him back to his father. And all were astounded at the greatness of God. While everyone was amazed at all that he was doing, he said to his disciples, "Let these words sink into your ears: The Son of Man is going to be betrayed into human hands." But they did not understand this saying; its meaning was concealed from them, so that they could not perceive it. And they were afraid to ask him about this saying.
If Jesus wanted his followers to not understand what he said, what could the point possibly be of saying anything to them? After all, the point has been made abundantly clear that the way Jesus (and the Essenes, we shouldn't forget) read the Jewish texts, the messiah was supposed to meet a cruel end. This mention of prediction of betrayal is superfluous, I think.

Lk 9:61,62 - Another said, "I will follow you, Lord; but let me first say farewell to those at my home." Jesus said to him, "No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God."
Here we see more cult thinking. How many people go into cults today, suddenly disappearing from their families without a word? Yet, this is what Jesus said should be done.

Lk 10:1,2 - After this the Lord appointed seventy others and sent them on ahead of him in pairs to every town and place where he himself intended to go. He said to them, "The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few; therefore ask the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest."
Here, we get into one of the most objectionable concepts in Christianity - the missionary. It is bad enough that the Christian religion should be fed to babies with their mothers' milk, but the most harm to the world has come from the work to spread its influence into all surrounding cultures that were getting along quite well without it.

Lk 10:16 - "Whoever listens to you listens to me, and whoever rejects you rejects me, and whoever rejects me rejects the one who sent me."
Logically, I think this is far from a fair or just attitude to have. This is basically saying that the messenger has the right to be accepted as having the same authority as the sender, no matter what the quality of the delivery of the message. In other words, if a Christian comes to me and bungles his lines, giving me a completely incomprehensible statement, I am still supposed to accept that statement. If I don't, I face the same consequences as if I had heard from the lips of God himself!

Lk 10:19 - See, I have given you authority to tread on snakes and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy; and nothing will hurt you.
Here's a good litmus test for True Christians! If they can't be hurt, they're truly followers of God! Any takers?

Lk 10:25-28 - Just then a lawyer stood up to test Jesus. "Teacher," he said, "what must I do to inherit eternal life?" He said to him, "What is written in the law? What do you read there?" He answered, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself." And he said to him, "You have given the right answer; do this, and you will live."
OK, so here, we see a plan of salvation for eternal life that is completely independent of the Christian teaching that I used to know. This concept was being taught by Jewish scholars for over a century before Jesus appeared preaching in Palestine - so what was he doing there?

Lk 11:5-10 - And he said to them, "Suppose one of you has a friend, and you go to him at midnight and say to him, 'Friend, lend me three loaves of bread; for a friend of mine has arrived, and I have nothing to set before him.' And he answers from within, 'Do not bother me; the door has already been locked, and my children are with me in bed; I cannot get up and give you anything.' I tell you, even though he will not get up and give him anything because he is his friend, at least because of his persistence he will get up and give him whatever he needs. So I say to you, Ask, and it will be given you; search, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened for you. For everyone who asks receives, and everyone who searches finds, and for everyone who knocks, the door will be opened."
Reading these verses and actually following what they say is a sure recipe for disaster. I know, because I've seen it happen plenty of times in the lives of people around me. It sort of goes with the saying, "Give a man a fish, and he eats for one day. Give a man a religion, and he'll starve to death praying for a fish!"

Lk 11:21-23 - When a strong man, fully armed, guards his castle, his property is safe. But when one stronger than he attacks him and overpowers him, he takes away his armor in which he trusted and divides his plunder. Whoever is not with me is against me, and whoever does not gather with me scatters.
This is the ranting of a paranoid person. What harm could Jesus possibly see in those who were indifferent to him and his work? Yet, he tries to demonize all who weren't inclined to flock to him as his sycophants!

Lk 11:24-26 - "When the unclean spirit has gone out of a person, it wanders through waterless regions looking for a resting place, but not finding any, it says, 'I will return to my house from which I came.' When it comes, it finds it swept and put in order. Then it goes and brings seven other spirits more evil than itself, and they enter and live there; and the last state of that person is worse than the first."
More weird lessons on the "lore" of demonology. It looks as though Jesus was making it up as he went along. After all, in all the instances of exorcism in the gospels, no mention of this concept is made, and no precautions against it given.

Lk 11:47,48 - Woe to you! For you build the tombs of the prophets whom your ancestors killed. So you are witnesses and approve of the deeds of your ancestors; for they killed them, and you build their tombs.
This sounds like more raving. Or possibly an early attempt to demonize Jews. In any event, I don't see how performing upkeep on a cemetery implies approval for the actions of the occupants of the tombs. Doing otherwise would be frowned upon, though here, Jesus appears to imply that he thought it would be a good idea to destroy those tombs - a popular thought in the Nazi world, I understand.

Lk 11:50,51 - ...so that this generation may be charged with the blood of all the prophets shed since the foundation of the world, from the blood of Abel to the blood of Zechariah, who perished between the altar and the sanctuary. Yes, I tell you, it will be charged against this generation.
Ah, this sort of thing is balm to the ears of anti-Semites everywhere! It sort of goes against the idea (stated in a few places in the Bible) that each person should only be responsible for their own transgressions. Here, we're treated to the punishment for the crimes of everyone - clear back to Cain!

Lk 11:52 - Woe to you lawyers! For you have taken away the key of knowledge; you did not enter yourselves, and you hindered those who were entering.
I think we could say the same thing today, concerning the priests of the Dark Ages who did the exact same thing! Then again, I think that we should keep in mind that the only knowledge that Jesus ever found worthwhile was knowledge of God. Any other knowledge was worthy only of contempt.

Lk 12:4,5 - I tell you, my friends, do not fear those who kill the body, and after that can do nothing more. But I will warn you whom to fear: fear him who, after he has killed, has authority to cast into hell. Yes, I tell you, fear him!
More good, old-fashioned cult-building material here. Make a good, hard zealot out of you! The more I read in this book, the easier it is to see how so many death cults can arise, using the Bible as their text of choice!

Lk 12:18-22 - "Then he said, 'I will do this: I will pull down my barns and build larger ones, and there I will store all my grain and my goods. And I will say to my soul, Soul, you have ample goods laid up for many years; relax, eat, drink, be merry.' But God said to him, 'You fool! This very night your life is being demanded of you. And the things you have prepared, whose will they be?' So it is with those who store up treasures for themselves but are not rich toward God." He said to his disciples, "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat, or about your body, what you will wear."
Here's some good, ruinous advice for believers! Don't make any plans for the future, just let it wash over you as it will. If you store up wealth, you can't take it with you, so you might as well die poor? What sort of advice has that EVER been?

Lk 12:29-31 - And do not keep striving for what you are to eat and what you are to drink, and do not keep worrying. For it is the nations of the world that strive after all these things, and your Father knows that you need them. Instead, strive for his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.
This appears to say that if you spend all your energies in being devoted to your religion, God promises to reward you by providing all your needs. This works fine for priests, who get their money from their flocks, but I expect if everyone went in for it, there'd be some major problems ahead.

Lk 12:37-40 - "Blessed are those slaves whom the master finds alert when he comes; truly I tell you, he will fasten his belt and have them sit down to eat, and he will come and serve them. If he comes during the middle of the night, or near dawn, and finds them so, blessed are those slaves. But know this: if the owner of the house had known at what hour the thief was coming, he would not have let his house be broken into. You also must be ready, for the Son of Man is coming at an unexpected hour."
Here's some pretty awkward metaphors, using slavery to illustrate the point. I mean, who could readily accept the idea of a slave-owner rewarding his slave by becoming the slave's servant? By the way, in reading all through the gospels, I found not a single word against the idea of slavery. It looks like the current sensibilities in this area of today are completely unbiblical.

Lk 12:43-46 - Blessed is that slave whom his master will find at work when he arrives. Truly I tell you, he will put that one in charge of all his possessions. But if that slave says to himself, 'My master is delayed in coming,' and if he begins to beat the other slaves, men and women, and to eat and drink and get drunk, the master of that slave will come on a day when he does not expect him and at an hour that he does not know, and will cut him in pieces, and put him with the unfaithful.
Oh yeah! There's nothing like the threat of horrible, violent punishment to get the attention of those who want to become slaves of God!

Lk 12:49-53 - "I came to bring fire to the earth, and how I wish it were already kindled! I have a baptism with which to be baptized, and what stress I am under until it is completed! Do you think that I have come to bring peace to the earth? No, I tell you, but rather division! From now on five in one household will be divided, three against two and two against three; they will be divided: father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against mother, mother-in-law against her daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law."
This is the person the Christians call "the Prince of Peace" talking! I think it's unfortunate that this is one of the few predictions attributed to Jesus that have come true. However, considering that Jesus was specific in his instructions to abandon families and hate others and self, it was also by far the easiest prediction to make.

Lk 13:31-33 - At that very hour some Pharisees came and said to him, "Get away from here, for Herod wants to kill you." He said to them, "Go and tell that fox for me, 'Listen, I am casting out demons and performing cures today and tomorrow, and on the third day I finish my work. Yet today, tomorrow, and the next day I must be on my way, because it is impossible for a prophet to be killed outside of Jerusalem.' "
Here's an interesting concept! One that's easy to verify, by checking the records of the killing of prophets listed in the Old Testament. Of course, one would have to ask, if this were true, why would any prophet ever bother to go to Jerusalem?

Lk 14:12-14 - He said also to the one who had invited him, "When you give a luncheon or a dinner, do not invite your friends or your brothers or your relatives or rich neighbors, in case they may invite you in return, and you would be repaid. But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, and the blind. And you will be blessed, because they cannot repay you, for you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous."
Now, what could Jesus have possibly meant about being repaid at the resurrection? Would it make sense to say you're going to reward someone going to hell for eternity? This may be one of the weirdest statements on how to earn your way into heaven in the Bible!

Lk 14:21-23 - So the slave returned and reported this to his master. Then the owner of the house became angry and said to his slave, 'Go out at once into the streets and lanes of the town and bring in the poor, the crippled, the blind, and the lame.' And the slave said, 'Sir, what you ordered has been done, and there is still room.' Then the master said to the slave, 'Go out into the roads and lanes, and compel people to come in, so that my house may be filled.' "
I rather like this! Jesus, telling a parable about God's relationship between himself and his chosen people, ends it by saying that people will be FORCED to enter heaven! Could it be that there is biblical justification for the Crusades and the Inquisition, and the rest of the fun things Christians have been known for, as in forcing people to join the Christian religion? Are these people the Borg, from Star Trek?

Lk 15:4-7 - "Which one of you, having a hundred sheep and losing one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the wilderness and go after the one that is lost until he finds it? When he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders and rejoices. And when he comes home, he calls together his friends and neighbors, saying to them, 'Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep that was lost.' Just so, I tell you, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance.
Beyond the obvious comment (made a few times earlier) about the relationship between shepherd and sheep, I think it's interesting to note here that Jesus implies that there are some number of righteous people who don't need to repent.

Lk 16:19-26 - "There was a rich man who was dressed in purple and fine linen and who feasted sumptuously every day. And at his gate lay a poor man named Lazarus, covered with sores, who longed to satisfy his hunger with what fell from the rich man's table; even the dogs would come and lick his sores. The poor man died and was carried away by the angels to be with Abraham. The rich man also died and was buried. In Hades, where he was being tormented, he looked up and saw Abraham far away with Lazarus by his side. He called out, 'Father Abraham, have mercy on me, and send Lazarus to dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue; for I am in agony in these flames.' But Abraham said, 'Child, remember that during your lifetime you received your good things, and Lazarus in like manner evil things; but now he is comforted here, and you are in agony. Besides all this, between you and us a great chasm has been fixed, so that those who might want to pass from here to you cannot do so, and no one can cross from there to us.' "
Here's a lovely view of the afterlife! Not only will those in heaven be able to enjoy the pleasure of heaven, they'll be able to look at and taunt those who were cast into hell! I'll bet there are some Christians who are looking forward to this - it'd be more popular than Pay-per-view!

Lk 17:3,4 - Be on your guard! If another disciple sins, you must rebuke the offender, and if there is repentance, you must forgive. And if the same person sins against you seven times a day, and turns back to you seven times and says, 'I repent,' you must forgive."
This is a pretty sick, harmful attitude to have, one that encourages abusive people to have their way with believers. I see nothing wrong with being understanding and giving a person more chances than one. However, this command to forgive in limitless fashion is just asking for trouble.

Lk 17:7-10 - "Who among you would say to your slave who has just come in from plowing or tending sheep in the field, 'Come here at once and take your place at the table'? Would you not rather say to him, 'Prepare supper for me, put on your apron and serve me while I eat and drink; later you may eat and drink'? Do you thank the slave for doing what was commanded? So you also, when you have done all that you were ordered to do, say, 'We are worthless slaves; we have done only what we ought to have done!' "
Here's a fine lesson in the manly art of slave holding! And it comes from Jesus, in the context of talking about faith and prayer.

Lk 17:12-19 - As he entered a village, ten lepers approached him. Keeping their distance, they called out, saying, "Jesus, Master, have mercy on us!" When he saw them, he said to them, "Go and show yourselves to the priests." And as they went, they were made clean. Then one of them, when he saw that he was healed, turned back, praising God with a loud voice. He prostrated himself at Jesus' feet and thanked him. And he was a Samaritan. Then Jesus asked, "Were not ten made clean? But the other nine, where are they? Was none of them found to return and give praise to God except this foreigner?" Then he said to him, "Get up and go on your way; your faith has made you well."
Here, we see some of the problems with the magical thinking found in the Bible. Jesus condemns the nine people who didn't return, but let's think about this from the lepers' point of view. They were told to go, show themselves to the priests - no other instructions were given. While they were on their way, they became healed. For all they could know, turning away from the trip to the priests would result in a return of their disease, or some worse punishment as a result of disobeying Jesus. It looks like to me that once you enter this realm of magical thinking it's impossible to make any sense of things any longer, and madness won't be far behind.

Lk 17:20,21 - Once Jesus was asked by the Pharisees when the kingdom of God was coming, and he answered, "The kingdom of God is not coming with things that can be observed; nor will they say, "Look, here it is!' or "There it is!' For, in fact, the kingdom of God is among you."
Once more, we're into contradictions from the Bible. Just over in Matthew and Mark, we saw Jesus give a laundry list of signs that would be observed to indicate the coming of "the kingdom of God."

Lk 18:2-7 - He said, "In a certain city there was a judge who neither feared God nor had respect for people. In that city there was a widow who kept coming to him and saying, 'Grant me justice against my opponent.' For a while he refused; but later he said to himself, "Though I have no fear of God and no respect for anyone, yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will grant her justice, so that she may not wear me out by continually coming.' " And the Lord said, "Listen to what the unjust judge says. And will not God grant justice to his chosen ones who cry to him day and night? Will he delay long in helping them?"
Another reference telling believers that if they pray for something long enough, God will eventually give them what they ask for. Of course, anyone knows this is a good way to starve to death, but no Christian would dare look at this and say that Jesus was lying here. They at worst will say that he wasn't telling the complete situation, which amounts to the same thing, if you ask me.

Lk 18:18-22 - A certain ruler asked him, "Good Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?" Jesus said to him, "Why do you call me good? No one is good but God alone. You know the commandments: 'You shall not commit adultery; You shall not murder; You shall not steal; You shall not bear false witness; Honor your father and mother.' " He replied, "I have kept all these since my youth." When Jesus heard this, he said to him, "There is still one thing lacking. Sell all that you own and distribute the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; then come, follow me."
Here's another "salvation by works" passage. Following the commandments is to be accompanied by voluntary poverty, which results in having treasure in heaven! After that is accomplished, the poor dope is invited to follow Jesus. This is not a matter of salvation coming through faith!

Lk 18:31-34 - Then he took the twelve aside and said to them, "See, we are going up to Jerusalem, and everything that is written about the Son of Man by the prophets will be accomplished. For he will be handed over to the Gentiles; and he will be mocked and insulted and spat upon. After they have flogged him, they will kill him, and on the third day he will rise again." But they understood nothing about all these things; in fact, what he said was hidden from them, and they did not grasp what was said.
I just had a mental image of this when I read this. It was of Jesus talking with an earnest expression on his face to the disciples, but out of his mouth comes sounds like Charlie Brown's teacher - "Wha wha-waaa, whaha wa,wa, wah!" At least in the other gospels, when Jesus did his prophecy thing, the disciples understood what he was saying, and told him they didn't believe it!

Lk 19:8,9 - Zacchaeus stood there and said to the Lord, "Look, half of my possessions, Lord, I will give to the poor; and if I have defrauded anyone of anything, I will pay back four times as much." Then Jesus said to him, "Today salvation has come to this house, because he too is a son of Abraham."
This adds more confusion to the salvation concept. Now, all you have to do is promise to become poor, and Jesus will proclaim your salvation! Imagine a tax collector promising to pay back 4 times what he stole in graft, as if he kept records of who he stole from!

Lk 19:20-27 - "Then the other came, saying, Lord, here is your pound. I wrapped it up in a piece of cloth, for I was afraid of you, because you are a harsh man; you take what you did not deposit, and reap what you did not sow.' He said to him, 'I will judge you by your own words, you wicked slave! You knew, did you, that I was a harsh man, taking what I did not deposit and reaping what I did not sow? Why then did you not put my money into the bank? Then when I returned, I could have collected it with interest.' He said to the bystanders, 'Take the pound from him and give it to the one who has ten pounds.' (And they said to him, 'Lord, he has ten pounds!') I tell you, to all those who have, more will be given; but from those who have nothing, even what they have will be taken away. But as for these enemies of mine who did not want me to be king over them-bring them here and slaughter them in my presence.' "
This is the end of a parable from Jesus on what it's like in the kingdom of Heaven. The believers are told they must bring in more people to the faith, or risk being tossed into hell, in spite of the fact of their faith. Any who don't like it will be lumped!

Lk 19:41-44 - As he came near and saw the city, he wept over it, saying, "If you, even you, had only recognized on this day the things that make for peace! But now they are hidden from your eyes. Indeed, the days will come upon you, when your enemies will set up ramparts around you and surround you, and hem you in on every side. They will crush you to the ground, you and your children within you, and they will not leave within you one stone upon another; because you did not recognize the time of your visitation from God."
Here's an interesting "prophecy" from Jesus, that happens to have been written about 30 years after the crucifixion and 10 years after the event Jesus was supposed to have been predicting. I think it's rather interesting that the writer thought that the Roman-Jewish war and the sack of Jerusalem could have been avoided, if only the Jews had accepted the Christian religion!

Lk 21:12-15 - "But before all this occurs, they will arrest you and persecute you; they will hand you over to synagogues and prisons, and you will be brought before kings and governors because of my name. This will give you an opportunity to testify. So make up your minds not to prepare your defense in advance; for I will give you words and a wisdom that none of your opponents will be able to withstand or contradict."
I've been involved with several believers in debates over problems with the Bible. In face-to-face conversations, it often appears that they do follow this advice not to prepare a defense in advance. However, the idea that they are given incontrovertible words by God can't be supported in my experience!

Lk 21:20-22 - "When you see Jerusalem surrounded by armies, then know that its desolation has come near. Then those in Judea must flee to the mountains, and those inside the city must leave it, and those out in the country must not enter it; for these are days of vengeance, as a fulfillment of all that is written."
Now, just a little way back, we saw Jesus tell us that the last days won't come with observable signs! Now, he's telling us that the observable signs of the end of the world will be the destruction of Jerusalem - which took place in 66 CE.

Lk 22:3,4 - Then Satan entered into Judas called Iscariot, who was one of the twelve; he went away and conferred with the chief priests and officers of the temple police about how he might betray him to them.
It seems that Judas got a bum rap! Here we see that he was not to blame for the betrayal of Jesus! It was Satan, controlling him! No jury would convict a possessed man, would they?

Lk 22:35-38 - He said to them, "When I sent you out without a purse, bag, or sandals, did you lack anything?" They said, "No, not a thing." He said to them, "But now, the one who has a purse must take it, and likewise a bag. And the one who has no sword must sell his cloak and buy one. For I tell you, this scripture must be fulfilled in me, 'And he was counted among the lawless'; and indeed what is written about me is being fulfilled." They said, "Lord, look, here are two swords." He replied, "It is enough."
Yep! Prince of Peace! That's the guy! Recognize him anywhere!

Lk 23:28,29 - But Jesus turned to them and said, "Daughters of Jerusalem, do not weep for me, but weep for yourselves and for your children. For the days are surely coming when they will say, 'Blessed are the barren, and the wombs that never bore, and the breasts that never nursed.' "
Thus is born the sick institution of the nunnery! I wonder what Jesus could have had against the natural biological processes of childbirth and nursing!

Lk 23:39-41 - One of the criminals who were hanged there kept deriding him and saying, "Are you not the Messiah? Save yourself and us!" But the other rebuked him, saying, "Do you not fear God, since you are under the same sentence of condemnation? And we indeed have been condemned justly, for we are getting what we deserve for our deeds, but this man has done nothing wrong."
The odd thing about this famous part of the crucifixion scene is that it is specifically contradicted by the other synoptic gospels. In Matthew and Mark, both of Jesus' neighbors verbally abused him. John didn't mention any actions by the other two victims. So, which version would you like to believe?

Lk 23:54-56 - It was the day of Preparation, and the sabbath was beginning. The women who had come with him from Galilee followed, and they saw the tomb and how his body was laid. Then they returned, and prepared spices and ointments. On the sabbath they rested according to the commandment.
Here are some more interesting differences between Luke and the other gospels. He mentions nothing about guards or any boulder set to prevent access to the body of Jesus. The next chapter does mention a removed stone, but there's no reason to assume from the text that there was anything unusual in the arrangements at the tomb.

Lk 24:29-31 - But they urged him strongly, saying, "Stay with us, because it is almost evening and the day is now nearly over." So he went in to stay with them. When he was at the table with them, he took bread, blessed and broke it, and gave it to them. Then their eyes were opened, and they recognized him; and he vanished from their sight.
Here's a Jesus sighting from after the crucifixion, though one that most people would laugh at to hear. Especially the end, when these fanatics "recognized" their lost leader and he vanished at once - poof!