Daniel

This is the last of the "major" prophets of the Bible. While the book is only 12 chapters long, it is one of the more popular with preachers, due to the apocalyptic nature of the text. Interestingly, this book is also one of the most controversial, for scholars contend that it's most likely that it was written during the time of the Maccabees, rather than the time of the Persian exile. According to my version of the Bible, much of the book is written in Aramaic, not Hebrew. What this means is beyond my ability to guess at this time. I hope to have some information on it in my upcoming section on Biblical history, later in 2000 - I hope. In the meantime, enjoy the weird stuff from Daniel

Dan 1:8,9 - But Daniel resolved he that would not defile himself with the royal rations of food and wine; so he asked the palace master to allow him not to defile himself. Now God allowed Daniel to receive favor and compassion from the palace master.
This hit me funny. I mean, what could be so hard about thinking that the head of the palace servants might just be a decent sort of guy? Or maybe Daniel just asked him nicely to be allowed to eat the food he felt comfortable with. No, God had to take away the free will of the palace master and force him to allow Daniel a favor. Weird!

Dan 1:20 - In every matter of wisdom and understanding concerning which the king inquired of them, he found them ten times better than all the magicians and enchanters in his whole kingdom.
Any group of con artists could have made as good a showing. What magicians and enchanters could have been doing, helping to run a nation, one shudders to think. It would be like the president of the US getting advice from astrologers! {;-)

Dan 2:5-12 - The king answered the Chaldeans, "This is a public decree: If you do not tell me both the dream and its interpretation, you shall be torn limb from limb, and your houses shall be laid in ruins. But if you do tell me the dream and its interpretation, you shall receive from me gifts and rewards and great honor. Therefore tell me the dream and its interpretation." They answered a second time, "Let the king first tell his servants the dream, then we can give its interpretation." The king answered, "I know with certainty that you are trying to gain time, because you see I have firmly decreed: if you do not tell me the dream, there is but one verdict for you. You have agreed to speak lying and misleading words to me until things take a turn. Therefore, tell me the dream, and I will know that you can give me its interpretation." The Chaldeans answered the king, "There is no one on earth who can reveal what the king demands! In fact, no king, however great and powerful, has ever asked such a thing of any magician or enchanter or Chaldean. The thing that the king is asking is too difficult, and no one can reveal it to the king except the gods, whose dwelling is not with mortals." Because of this the king flew into a violent rage and commanded that all the wise men of Babylon be destroyed.
This is the beginning of the section of the book written in Aramaic, for those who are interested. It shows a startlingly good bit of logic in dealing with mystics and other religious bunko artists. The king has decided that he's fed up with idiots who can't give a good dream interpretation, so he has devised a great test. In other words, he has figured out how to PROVE that a person really has access to supernatural information. Naturally, these Chaldeans (isn't it interesting that they are mentioned here as soothsayers, in a different class from magicians or enchanters? Put this together with the fact that Abraham was from Chaldea, and it becomes even more interesting!) try to get Nebuchadnezzar to play along with the rules they were used to playing by - you tell us a dream and we'll make something mysterious up from it. He was having none of it - this exposed their fraud. It makes me wonder if this really happened, and why don't we ever try this with today's mystics: the Christians?

Dan 2:36-45 - This was the dream; now we will tell the king the interpretation. You, O king, the king of kings - to whom the God of heaven has given the kingdom, the power, the might and the glory, into whose hands he has given human beings, wherever they live, the wild animals of the field, and the birds of the air, and whom he has established as ruler over them all - you are the head of gold. After you shall arise another kingdom inferior to yours, and yet a third kingdom of bronze, which shall rule over the whole earth. And there shall be a fourth kingdom, strong as iron; just as iron crushes and smashes everything, it shall crush and shatter all these. As you saw the feet and toes partly of potter's clay and partly of iron, it shall be a divided kingdom; but some of the strength of iron shall be in it, as you saw the iron mixed with the clay. And the toes of the feet were part iron and part clay, so the kingdom shall be partly strong and partly brittle. As you saw the iron mixed with clay, so will they mix with one another in marriage, but they will not hold together, just as iron does not mix with clay. And in the days of those kings, the God of heaven will set up a kingdom that shall never be destroyed, nor shall this kingdom be left to another people. It shall crush all these kingdoms and bring them to an end, and it shall stand forever; just as you saw that a stone was cut from the mountain not by hands, and that it crushed the iron, the bronze, the clay, the silver, and the gold. The great God has informed the king what shall be hereafter. The dream is certain, and its interpretation is trustworthy.
There are several sources that point to this passage as evidence that Daniel was written circa 150 BCE. The "prophecies" of this and other passages appear to be somewhat accurate about up to the time of the Selucid Empire, then it goes off into flights of fancy. This is one reason, I think, why the book of Daniel is so popular with believers these days. The free-form predictions are vague enough and interesting enough that any reasonably well-informed student of history can match the latter prophecies with appropriate historical events to make the end of the world come out to just about any chosen date (usually "in the next 10 years" has been the time chosen for such an "analysis"). This talks about certainty, yet it is ambiguous at best and hopelessly confusing at worst.

Dan 3:4-6 - ...the herald proclaimed aloud, "You are commanded, O peoples, nations, and languages, that when you hear the sound of the horn, pipe, lyre, trigon, harp, drum, and entire musical ensemble, you are to fall down and worship the golden statue that Nebuchadnezzar has set up. Whoever does not fall down and worship shall immediately be thrown into a furnace of blazing fire."
I don't know. I would have thought that a king who was in charge of a huge empire would have better things to do with his time than trying to find an excuse for toasting people. I'm not saying it couldn't have happened - only that this sort of thing seems rather silly and childish.

Dan 3:28-29 - Nebuchadnezzar said, "Blessed be the God of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, who has sent his angel and delivered his servants who trusted in him. They disobeyed the king's command and yielded up their bodies rather than serve and worship any god except their own God. Therefore I make a decree: Any people, nation or language that utters blasphemy against the God of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego shall be torn limb from limb, and their houses laid in ruins; for there is no other god who is able to deliver in this way."
When we get through with this story, it becomes clear that it is only a story, meant to illustrate the importance of holding the authority of religion over that of the kings. The implied promise of supernatural protection from political punishment is most unfortunate, and has often led to disastrous consequences. Note also the claim that Nebuchadnezzar established laws against blasphemy. This sort of "offense" can only harm the standing of the priesthood, and such laws are of no use to any other segment of society.

Dan 6:6-9 - So the presidents and satraps conspired and came to the king and said to him, "O King Darius, live forever! All the presidents of the kingdom, the prefects and the satraps, the counselors and the governors are agreed that the king should establish an ordinance and enforce an interdict, that whoever prays to anyone, divine or human, for thirty days, except to you, O king, shall be thrown into a den of lions. Now, O king, establish the interdict and sign the document, so that it cannot be changed, according to the law of the Medes and the Persians, which cannot be revoked."
This is the stuff of supermarket tabloids. No person involved in the governing of an empire would dream of doing something so wasteful and stupid. I say this for these reasons: 1) The proposed law was temporary. How would they even dream of establishing a 1-month law in an empire so large as Persia? 2) Any nation made up of conquered lands would necessarily be made up of many sections populated by a wide diversity of religious groups. Just imagine how many potential victims for the lions we're looking at here! 3) how on earth would they even dream of checking on the prayers of all the people?

Now, if I can think of these rather serious (and practical) objections to such lunacy - ignoring any reference to the moral aspects of it, which are plentiful - imagine the reaction of a real-life Darius if he'd heard such a suggestion. Unless he was completely mentally deficient, he would have either laughed these turkeys out of his presence, or been very offended at the insult to his intelligence.

Dan 6:14 - When the king heard the charge, he was very much distressed. He was determined to save Daniel, and until the sun went down he made every effort to rescue him.
Did I miss something? I thought a king had political power, but Darius appears in this story to be unable to repeal or amend a bad law he supposedly signed at the prompting of "the bad guys."

Dan 6:25-27 - Then King Darius wrote to all the people and nations of every language throughout the whole world: "May you have abundant prosperity! I make a decree, that in all my royal dominion people should tremble and fear before the God of Daniel: For he is the living God, enduring forever, his kingdom shall never be destroyed, and his dominion has no end. He delivers and he rescues, he works signs and wonders in heaven and on earth; for he has saved Daniel from the power of the lions."
This also looks like some wishful fantasy of a Jewish priest. I'm fairly sure I'd have heard if the Persian Empire had converted to Judaism under Darius.

Dan 8:23-25 - At the end of their rule, when the transgressions have reached their full measure, a king of bold countenance shall arise, skilled in intrigue. He shall grow strong in power, shall cause fearful destruction and he shall succeed in what he does. He shall destroy the powerful and the people of the holy ones. By his cunning he shall make deceit prosper under his hand, and in his own mind he shall be great. Without warning he shall destroy many and shall even rise up against the Prince of princes. But he shall be broken, but not by human hands.
Considering when this book was written, it's quite likely that this refers to one Alexander the Great - especially considering the reference to being broken by non-human means (Alex died of a sudden sickness). How many other people through the centuries could fit all but the last sentence? Caesar? Napoleon? Hitler? All a preacher has to do is quote this "prophecy" (leaving off the last sentence, if he wants), and he can point to most any time in history, including today, and say "this is a sign of the end times." It is hopeless as far as accuracy is concerned - but quite useful for recycling!

Dan 12:6-10 - One of them said to the man clothed in linen, who was upstream, "How long shall it be until the end of these wonders?" The man clothed in linen, who was upstream, raised his right hand and his left hand toward heaven. And I heard him swear by the one who lives forever that it would be for a time, two times, and half a time, and that when the shattering of the power of the holy people comes to an end, all these things would be accomplished. I heard but could not understand; so I said, "My lord, what shall be the outcome of these things?" He said, "Go your way, Daniel, for the words are to remain secret and sealed until the time of the end. Many shall be purified, cleansed and refined, but the wicked shall continue to act wickedly. None of the wicked shall understand, but those who are wise shall understand."
This is pretty standard mystery religion fare. Talking in obscure terms that can mean most anything, and claiming that only the "wise" or "righteous" can truly understand what it means. What happens in reality is that con artists make up meanings that more or less fit the gibberish, and claim they have "unlocked the secret." In this particular case, they are able to link this claim with the near end of the world. Unfortunately, this con has been going on since a couple of weeks after the ink was dry on the original copy of this book. And it still allows con men to make tons of money from people who accept this stuff without question.