Wednesday, October 25, 2006
GCC Tour: The Boyfriend List ... and a bit about Boobs
Don't miss this reprint of Elizabeth Lockhart's The Boyfriend List!
In honor of the tour, Elizabeth sent me a bit on the care and feeding of boobs, a special treat from the book!
1.
The Care and Ownership of Boobs
(a subject important to our study of the male humanoid animal because the boobs, if deployed properly, are like giant boy magnets attached to your chest.
Or smallish boy magnets. Or medium.
Depending on your endowment.
But boy magnets. That is the point.
They are magnets, we say. Magnets!)
1.If you jiggle, wear a bra. This means you. (Yes, you.) It is not antifeminist. It is more comfy and keeps the boobs from getting floppy.
2.No matter how puny your frontal equipment, don’t wear the kind with the giant pads inside. If a guy squeezes them, he will wonder why they feel like Nerf balls instead of boobs. And if you forget and wear a normal bra one day, everyone will then speculate on the strange expanding and contracting nature of your boobage. (Reference: the mysteriously changing chestal profile of Madame Long, French teacher and sometime bra padder.)
3.A helpful hint: For optimal shape, go in the bathroom stall and hike them up inside the bra.
4.Do not perform the above maneuver in public, no matter how urgent you think it is.
5.Do not go topless in anyone’s hot tub. Remember how Cricket had to press her chest against the side of the Van Deusens’ tub for forty-five minutes when Gideon and his friends came home? Let that be a lesson to you. (Yes, you.)
6.Do not sunbathe topless either, unless you’re completely ready to have sunburnt boobs whose skin will never be the same again (Reference: Roo, even though she swears she used sunblock) or unless you want to be yelled at by your mother for exposing yourself to the neighbors (Reference: Kim, even though really, no one saw and the neighbors were away on vacation).
—from The Boy Book: A Study of Habits and Behaviors, Plus Techniques for Taming Them (A Kanga-Roo Production), written by me, Ruby Oliver, with number six added in Kim’s handwriting. Approximate date: summer after freshman year.
*****
Here's some more:
The Boy Book: A Study of Habits and Behaviors, Plus Techniques for Taming Them
is the sequel to The Boyfriend List, which is just out in paperback. The Boy Book is about Ruby, who in the first book plummeted from social butterfly to leper, rebuilding her life junior year of high school -- with the help of a guide to understanding the male sex that she wrote with her ex-friends.
The new, cheaper edition of the first Ruby Oliver book (The Boyfriend List) has a fun author Q&A at the back, plus provocative questions for your book club or reading group.
In The Boy Book, Rub confronts the secret about Noel,
mysterious notes from Jackson,
the interpretation of boy-speak,
the villainy of Cricket,
the horrors of the school retreat,
and the exploitation of hooters everywhere.
There are fruit roll-ups.
There is upper-regioning.
There are so many boys to choose from!
And there are penguins.
Preview it here. Click Here!
"Lockhart achieves the perfect balance of self-deprecating humor and self-pity in Ruby, and thus imbues her with such realism she seems to fly off the page." -- VOYA
"Each chapter begins with an excerpt from 'The Boy Book' which is hilarious...The book not only covers topics teens obsess over, but it helps illustrate the connection Ruby had with her friends, especially Kim, and what a loss she has suffered. Ruby's overanalytical, fast-paced and authentic narration will win over new devotees, while her loyal fans will no doubt hope for more." -- Publishers Weekly, starred review
"The story is both humorous and witty, and the language is realistically raw. Sections such as "The Care and Ownership of Boobs" are particularly funny." -- School Library Journal
"[Ruby's] character's strength stems from her earnest search for identity through introspection, sexual experimentation, therapy, and the formation and rehabbing of new and old friendships. Refreshingly honest." -- Kirkus
In honor of the tour, Elizabeth sent me a bit on the care and feeding of boobs, a special treat from the book!
1.
The Care and Ownership of Boobs
(a subject important to our study of the male humanoid animal because the boobs, if deployed properly, are like giant boy magnets attached to your chest.
Or smallish boy magnets. Or medium.
Depending on your endowment.
But boy magnets. That is the point.
They are magnets, we say. Magnets!)
1.If you jiggle, wear a bra. This means you. (Yes, you.) It is not antifeminist. It is more comfy and keeps the boobs from getting floppy.
2.No matter how puny your frontal equipment, don’t wear the kind with the giant pads inside. If a guy squeezes them, he will wonder why they feel like Nerf balls instead of boobs. And if you forget and wear a normal bra one day, everyone will then speculate on the strange expanding and contracting nature of your boobage. (Reference: the mysteriously changing chestal profile of Madame Long, French teacher and sometime bra padder.)
3.A helpful hint: For optimal shape, go in the bathroom stall and hike them up inside the bra.
4.Do not perform the above maneuver in public, no matter how urgent you think it is.
5.Do not go topless in anyone’s hot tub. Remember how Cricket had to press her chest against the side of the Van Deusens’ tub for forty-five minutes when Gideon and his friends came home? Let that be a lesson to you. (Yes, you.)
6.Do not sunbathe topless either, unless you’re completely ready to have sunburnt boobs whose skin will never be the same again (Reference: Roo, even though she swears she used sunblock) or unless you want to be yelled at by your mother for exposing yourself to the neighbors (Reference: Kim, even though really, no one saw and the neighbors were away on vacation).
—from The Boy Book: A Study of Habits and Behaviors, Plus Techniques for Taming Them (A Kanga-Roo Production), written by me, Ruby Oliver, with number six added in Kim’s handwriting. Approximate date: summer after freshman year.
*****
Here's some more:
The Boy Book: A Study of Habits and Behaviors, Plus Techniques for Taming Them
is the sequel to The Boyfriend List, which is just out in paperback. The Boy Book is about Ruby, who in the first book plummeted from social butterfly to leper, rebuilding her life junior year of high school -- with the help of a guide to understanding the male sex that she wrote with her ex-friends.
The new, cheaper edition of the first Ruby Oliver book (The Boyfriend List) has a fun author Q&A at the back, plus provocative questions for your book club or reading group.
In The Boy Book, Rub confronts the secret about Noel,
mysterious notes from Jackson,
the interpretation of boy-speak,
the villainy of Cricket,
the horrors of the school retreat,
and the exploitation of hooters everywhere.
There are fruit roll-ups.
There is upper-regioning.
There are so many boys to choose from!
And there are penguins.
Preview it here. Click Here!
"Lockhart achieves the perfect balance of self-deprecating humor and self-pity in Ruby, and thus imbues her with such realism she seems to fly off the page." -- VOYA
"Each chapter begins with an excerpt from 'The Boy Book' which is hilarious...The book not only covers topics teens obsess over, but it helps illustrate the connection Ruby had with her friends, especially Kim, and what a loss she has suffered. Ruby's overanalytical, fast-paced and authentic narration will win over new devotees, while her loyal fans will no doubt hope for more." -- Publishers Weekly, starred review
"The story is both humorous and witty, and the language is realistically raw. Sections such as "The Care and Ownership of Boobs" are particularly funny." -- School Library Journal
"[Ruby's] character's strength stems from her earnest search for identity through introspection, sexual experimentation, therapy, and the formation and rehabbing of new and old friendships. Refreshingly honest." -- Kirkus
Sunday, October 15, 2006
Wow!
Wow, wow, wow!!!
I am so thrilled by the response to the LWB fundraiser. I had an imaginary line in my head of $6,000. That number, I thought, would be amazing.
Well, folks, we are way beyond amazing, because the fundraiser brought in over $8,500!!!
Thanks so much to the donors and to the bidders who kept the prices going up, up, up! And thanks to everyone who chatted up the auction. The stat counter on my site will only show the last 100 hits, so I was never able to see all the blogs and message boards that were mentioning the auction, but what I did see really warmed my heart. Thank you, thank you for spreading the word!
And remember, if you were outbid, but still want to donate to the cause, you can link directly to LWB's donation page right here: How to Help
On an administrative note, I have quite a full in-box of Paypal notifications (you folks are fast pays!) and I'm trying to get through them by mid-day tomorrow, and let the donors know that payment was received and the item can be shipped (or give contact instructions if you bid on a critique or other service).
Again, thank you all so much! Your dollars will go a long way to helping a child.
I am so thrilled by the response to the LWB fundraiser. I had an imaginary line in my head of $6,000. That number, I thought, would be amazing.
Well, folks, we are way beyond amazing, because the fundraiser brought in over $8,500!!!
Thanks so much to the donors and to the bidders who kept the prices going up, up, up! And thanks to everyone who chatted up the auction. The stat counter on my site will only show the last 100 hits, so I was never able to see all the blogs and message boards that were mentioning the auction, but what I did see really warmed my heart. Thank you, thank you for spreading the word!
And remember, if you were outbid, but still want to donate to the cause, you can link directly to LWB's donation page right here: How to Help
On an administrative note, I have quite a full in-box of Paypal notifications (you folks are fast pays!) and I'm trying to get through them by mid-day tomorrow, and let the donors know that payment was received and the item can be shipped (or give contact instructions if you bid on a critique or other service).
Again, thank you all so much! Your dollars will go a long way to helping a child.
Thursday, October 12, 2006
FLEX TOURS - NYC WALKING TOUR
FLEX TOURS has donated two walking tours to the fundraiser, and although one has been bid on, one remains available! Come on folks, this is great for someone in the NYC area, or someone who has friends up there. What a cool gift, right? Check it out! Here's the link: NYC WALKING TOUR DIRECT TO YOUR CELL PHONE
And the fundraiser has just over a day left, and is only a few hundred shy of $6,000. Please keep bidding! Let's break the 6K mark!
And the fundraiser has just over a day left, and is only a few hundred shy of $6,000. Please keep bidding! Let's break the 6K mark!
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Keep the Bids Rolling In!
Yay! My fundraiser for Love Without Boundaries has crossed the $5,000 mark! Still over two days left to bid, and lots of great items to be had! If you haven't yet, please take a look!
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Demon Tune!
To the tune of Itsy, Bitsy Spider ...
The icky, yucky, demon
Came from the depths of hell
Bringing along with him
The most godawful smell
In stepped the demon slayer
With her can of Raid
And poof went the demon
Looking most dismayed
Doncha love it? Thanks to Adrienne Merl, from Plantation, Florida
The icky, yucky, demon
Came from the depths of hell
Bringing along with him
The most godawful smell
In stepped the demon slayer
With her can of Raid
And poof went the demon
Looking most dismayed
Doncha love it? Thanks to Adrienne Merl, from Plantation, Florida
Fundraiser is Live!!!!!!!!!!!
Be sure to click here to go to my fundraiser for Love Without Boundaries.
The fundraiser went live today and I'm thrilled to say that the total on eBay keeps ratcheting up!!! Because I am a teensy bit Type A (no, really!) I've been checking the hits to the site and I can't keep up with them (while Type A, I'm also cheap, and I didn't upgrade my stat counter, so it only keeps the previous 100 hits). I'm thrilled to say the page is WAY beyond that today.
So a HUGE thank you to everyone who's mentioned the fundraiser out there in cyberspace. Writers, reader, bloggers. It's a great community, and I'm thrilled to be a part of it, and so pleased to see the total ratchet up for these precious children!
Thanks! (And, you know, go bid if you haven't already!!!!)
Julie
The fundraiser went live today and I'm thrilled to say that the total on eBay keeps ratcheting up!!! Because I am a teensy bit Type A (no, really!) I've been checking the hits to the site and I can't keep up with them (while Type A, I'm also cheap, and I didn't upgrade my stat counter, so it only keeps the previous 100 hits). I'm thrilled to say the page is WAY beyond that today.
So a HUGE thank you to everyone who's mentioned the fundraiser out there in cyberspace. Writers, reader, bloggers. It's a great community, and I'm thrilled to be a part of it, and so pleased to see the total ratchet up for these precious children!
Thanks! (And, you know, go bid if you haven't already!!!!)
Julie
