Bella Andre joins us this week to slay a demon that I just happen to share:

When I first read through the guest blogs on Julie Kenner's Slay Your Demons I thought, "Oh shit, I have to come up with a demon to slay. I don't really have any demons." I'm a Feng Shui consultant in addition to being a writer, so sometimes I try to fool myself into believing that I've got zen down. But then, as I sat on my outdoor couch, watching my husband do the sweaty work of planting a really big plant in a really big hole, (while I read People Magazine, mind you), I realized that I do, in fact, have a big old demon to slay.

Mommy Guilt.

You see, I got "the call" from Pocket Books, saying they wanted to publish TAKE ME (an erotic romance that sweeps from San Francisco to the rolling hills of Tuscany, which will be hitting stores November 15,
2005) three weeks before I had my son, Hunter. I remember jumping up and down, completely forgetting that I was 37 weeks pregnant. Even though I was approximately as big as a whale, that day in July 2004 I was light on my feet. (Three weeks later, after 32 hours of labor, was a different story...)

I took the requisite two months off to be a full time mommy. My mother/infant class leader told me not to "put being a writer above being a mother" and like a stupid little lamb I said, okay. The thing was, full time mommying is not for me.

Don't get me wrong. I love my kid. And he's really amazing and cute and smart and funny. But I've never been able to escape from who I am--which is another way of saying that I REALLY love to work.

A lot.

Always have. Always will. So when I realized that all I was doing was waiting for my son to nap so that I could write, I bit my first guilt bullet (aka--the "I'm a bad mother because I don't do every single thing for my child without outside help" bullet) and hired a babysitter to come to our house in the afternoons.

Everything's perfect now, right, so why am I moaning? Hunter plays happily with his babysitter in my living room while I write in my home office, how lucky am I?

Very lucky, no question about it. Still, what I've come to accept during the past year is that 20 hours a week doesn't cut it when I've got deadlines sneaking up on me for new books I've sold on proposal (yeah!) and book promotion for TAKE ME happening at the same time. Yes, I know lots of writers write #1 bestselling books during bathroom breaks at the office, or between the hours of 1 am and 4 am while their kids are sleeping, or on weekends while everyone else is at the pool. But I get some of my best reading done in the bathroom, I LOVE to sleep, and my husband likes to hang out with his wife on weekends at the pool. So that leaves me weekdays between 8 and 5 to write.

Here's where the guilt comes in big time. My son is used to hanging out with me until 2pm every day. Going for walks, having lunch, doing playgroups. So, even though the professional me needs full time day care, the mommy me feels horrible about even considering it.

I don't know what I'm going to do. I keep thinking if I wait until he's eligible for preschool (18 months--only six months away--see how I'm waiting for that nap again?) then it counts as school and I'm off the guilt hook.

Hey, a girl can dream, can't she?

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About Bella Andre:
Before plunging wholeheartedly into writing erotic romance, Bella Andre got a BA in Economics at Stanford University, worked as a marketing director, and strutted hundreds of stages as a rock star. She currently lives in the Northern California wine country with her fabulous husband, son and dog. TAKE ME will be released this November. Bestselling author Emma Holly says, "TAKE ME is wonderfully sexy--a big, fun fantasy with an equally big heart." And Jaid Black, the Queen of Steam, agrees:
"TAKE ME is emotionally charged and deliciously erotic. A must-read."

To sign up for Bella's latest contest where you can win a $50 gift certificate to the bookstore of your choice, go to www.bellaandre.com!and sign up for her yahoo newsletter.