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Wellness Column
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A new series, published in the Wellness section of the Coeur d'Alene Press, had
it's main focus on answering some of life’s annoying perplexities. Questions were responded by columnist, Jan White,LFIBA,RMT,D.D.,
the WA registered Holistic Counselor, REIKI Master Teacher, and Ordained Interfaith Minister. Jan specializes in issues of
anxiety, trauma, depression, relationships, loss, unresolved core issues, mastering Life's Changes, transitions, and healing
chronic/traumatic illness. She can be reached at (509) 230-1964. The below are some excerpts from that column.
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COEUR d'ALENE PRESS
Dear Jan, "What do
you do when after a typical day at work you come home totally worn out, dead tired, with nothing left to give .... And
this day is no different than any other day!!! What is going on?"
Sign me ---
Tired, and tired of it!!!
Dear Tired, This is one of the
most perfect descriptions of what stress is and how it affects us.
Feeling negative feelings such as frustration, fear, jealousy,
anxiety, greed, or anger depletes our storehouse of energy; while positive emotions of joy, happiness, love, and trust restores
us physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
What
we focus on by our thoughts and feelings comes back to us.
Experiencing
these negative emotional anchors can totally exhaust us to the point owhere we are unable to physically function. It is not
situations that make us feel stressed --- for when we feel emotionally provoked what is actually happening is that the remembrance
of a past traumatic experience is re-awakened and automatically triggers the feeling of the original rage/hurt/fear.
We attract,
and re-enact, the initial experience over and over and over in our life until we are motivated, by its discomfort, to release
the outdated belief from its exaggerated hold.
The method usually used to release the harmful unresolved
issue and outdated belief is:
1. RECOGNIZE: when you are stressed out.
2. IDENTIFY: what the feeling is (betrayal, fear,
anger, hurt, etc.) and think back on how it first started (to understand why it was given its importance).
3. CHOOSE: to release this outdated, destructive belief.
4. INTEGRATE: the replacement belief into your life
experiences.
5. SAY GOODBYE: to the remaining fragments of the
outdated issue and belief --- create a ceremony to formally let go of something that has outlived its usefulness and is no
longer needed to remind us of a necessary lesson.
6. GIVE THINKS/FORGIVENES: thank your
God/Higher Source for the lesson/gift that was just learned, and forgive our self for using the feelings of guilt, shame,
or fear in our life until its release.
______________________________________________________
Dear Jan, "My family
keeps kidding me that I have a bad attitude. Maybe I do ... but what difference does it make? Hey, I'm over 21 and I'll have
any attitude that I want! When you can show me that life will be any easier if I change, well then maybe I'll consider it."
Signed ---
So What!
Dear So What, I think it
is a pretty safe assumption that life for you must be frustrating, unfulfilling,
and certainly not the motivator that gets you out of bed in the morning ... How
do I know --- it's your attitude!
Life, or what is also called, our
Reality, is a reflection of what we believe and how commited we are to that belief.
These are our perceptions
and attitudes --- gained
from the experiences, cultural background, and concepts that we have accepted as our Truths.
What you believe, therefore You Are.
The child who grows up in a secure, loving environment
would have the perspective that life is effortless and easygoing; and would then radiate optimism, flexibility and be undaunted
in his/her aspirations. The same individual, who later in life experiences a lengthy deprivation cycle would abolish the original
perspective and embody the new attitude --- that of deficiency. Because he/she would now take on a luckless, deprived, and
victimized attitude and belief, their temporary cycle would continue until such time as their attitude changed to one of confidence
and Trust.
What you radiate you also receive back --- since
Like Attracts Like
On my first trip to Glastonbury, England, several years
ago, I purposely sought out a Bed and Breakfast inn each night at whatever town I happened to be in that day. B&B owners
are, by and large, very personable and enjoy conversing with their patrons, especially to someone like myself who was eager
to learn of the people, traditions and history of the local region. At one such place, situated at Lands End, the owners had
both just left careers in the educational field to make a major life change. That evening we sat around the fireplace and
comfortably chatted. Soon, our discussion took on a philosophical tone and the remainder of the night we concentrated on the
question: who achieves success and how do they do it?
All too soon the late night hours drew to a close without
our being able to come to any conclusions. There were only four hours remaining before I was to start out for my next destination.
On the way up to my room, I was handed fifteen books --- all of which were about people who were known for their successes.
Nodding determinedly to my hosts, I doggedly declared that by the time I was to leave in the morning I would have the answer
to our discussion. Ans so, rather than sleeping, I spent the time scrutinizing those fifteen books ... in hopes of learning
what it was that made certain people dramatically stand out from the general mass.
It was clear that each successful person had his/her very unique set
of circumstances, motivations, and experiences, but alas! There was still one very distinct similarity: INTENT!
Each successful person clearly intended to, and
very definitely, expected to be successful. They each lived life as if they had already attained
success and let nothing deter them from a laser like focus of having success. Failure was not accepted as
a negative, but rather as a stepping stone on the path to the end result. They
were commited to their intent!
And so I left Lands End a far wealthier
person for learning another wonderful Universal Truth: for Reality is what WE
believe it is --- or choose to believe it is.
If our life is not giving us what we desire, then
we need to change the programming that is holding us back from having the Reality we deserve.
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_______________________________________________________________
Dear Jan:"My life has always been being “one of the crowd”. It was a comfortable life... but now everything
seems to be in chaos. How do I handle this?"
Signed:
Out of Control
Dear Out of Control: There are times when, I am sure, we wish to run away from Change, from the upheaval and the stress that it may cause us to endure.
But the biggest challenge in our life is in discovering and honoring who
we really are in a world whose persistence is to make you like everyone else. And it is through the means of Change that our beliefs and unresolved emotional issues are challenged, reviewed and chosen for their appropriateness.
Our journey is a remembering that we
need to Be and act from who we know we are and not someone else’s conception. Do we dare take the risk of honoring
that?
Your beliefs represent
the inner core of who, what, and where you really are. This is what you stand for,
strive to become, and acknowledge as what you are. This is the union of the personality (little you) and your Higher Self
(large YOU).
The time(s) that you go against your conscience/beliefs
you experience an agitation of inner turmoil.
Change, or what may appear as chaos, enters into your life
when you no longer demonstrate who you really are or are going in a direction away
from who you always desired to Be. The pressure to be in alignment with what you
know to be your core beliefs now becomes the dominant focus in each of your life experiences and relationships. When you no
longer reflect the real you, when your actions do not represent the true who, what, and where of you, then the intensity
surfaces in your life to correct that picture.
A Contract of Individuality may be used to define and assist in maintaining the target for what
priorities, goals and intentions you wish to accomplish, and secondly, as a commitment of your standards of integrity.
In the business world this is referred to as a Mission Statement.
It is said that you cannot reach a target unless you have a target.
Once this is identified then your life becomes easier
and more controllable to make the necessary day to day and long term decisions, since the basis for all of your decisions
is outlined in the Contract.
The
second purpose, that of making a commitment to acknowledge your Standards of Integrity, is as critical to a successful existence as the target. Your integrity represents the inner core, the essence of who, what, and where you really are..
The
Contract must be in writing, making it a tangible and sincere commitment to your own self and the
partnership between your self with your Higher Self..
The
following questions are usually answered within the Contract, although you may also use a special poem, credo, or passage
that represents “what you are all about”:
1. A brief description, term, or word of who you are,
2. A vision of what you want to become,
3. The philosophies and values that are important to you,
4. Your goals and purpose in life, and
5. What distinguishes you from others.
This
ongoing journey into our spiritual evolution focuses on honoring, acknowledging, and reinventing who we really are. Only when
we can Love ourselves, unconditionally, can we ever expect to accept and respect the feelings of others.
__________________________________________________________
Dear Jan: I have just been offered
a job transfer, but it is out of town. I have lived here almost my whole life, and not being a risk taker, feel quite uncomfortable
in making the change. I know it would be good for me but I feel torn by the fears that keep coming up and tormenting me.
Signed: Torn by Fear
Dear Torn by Fear: Change affects each of us differently, depending on
the impact that the Change would have on our lives and also in how rooted we are in maintaining our comfort zones. Funny thing
about comfort zones, no matter how bad or stagnant our life is, or how dangerous it may be to our physical and/or mental health
(or that of our loved ones) the fear of not knowing what is beyond what we can see becomes so overpowering to us that some
would rather remain in a no win situation than take the risk of having what they deserve.
Fear robs people of their dreams, Life doesn't.
Fear is not an emotion. It is the instinctive part of ourself; set up to warn us of tangible dangers such
as crossing the street when a car is rapidly careening toward us. Our instincts were appropriately established in the days
of the cave man, when it was the primary requirement for day to day existence. But unfortunately, our instinctive temperament
still maintains a ruling spotlight in that we constantly have to soothe and calm the scared child within, ensuring her/him
that we will still have the physical, monetary, or status security even if we leave the current situation.
Fear is recognizable and so it becomes a tool for us to use
in determining whether what we are fearful of is real or unreal. Real is the car speeding toward us as we are stepping off
the curb, or the small child reaching to touch the hot burner on the stove. These are tangible dangers and we can readily
see the immediate and real consequence. Unreal fear usually has a 'What If?' question attached to it: If I change careers,
what if I can't make enough money in the new job?, If I leave this relationship, what if I can't find a better one . . .or
any one?, If I change, what if my friends don't like me any longer -- or maybe I wouldn't like them any more?
Fear supports and promotes
setting ourselves up as victims. But we are always at choice, each moment of every day, whether to be a victim or a
master.
Unreal fear is a block
to our having what we deserve.
And
so intuition may be used to get our attention that we are on the wrong track .
Intuition is that part of us, deep within, that has the Knowingness of what is really True.... where ego and illusion
do not interfere and What Is So speaks to us when we are ready to listen.
The last lines of a very special verse,
entitled RISK IT, really illustrates this subject. The author is unknown.
The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing,
and is nothing.
He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply
cannot
learn, feel, change, grow, love, live.
Only
a person who risks is free.
For Further Information or to contact Jan,
please call: (509) 230-1964 or email at the below link.
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