the games

INDEX TO PAGE

  • equality
  • "No Means No Means Yes Means Maybe Means Yes Means No Means Yes"
  • communication
  • intimacy
  • nurturing
  • liberation
  • sisterhood
  • the heavy stuff
  • NEXT PAGE


    equality

    We live in an era of liberation in which the differences between men and women are disappearing. Chivalry and other practices which once oppressed women are being relegated to the ash heap of history, along with corsets and other forms of female oppression. And women are boldly stepping forward to take up roles once denied to them. Right?

    Initiative. Generally, most women expect men to take the initiative when it comes to dating, courtship and sex, at least initially. That means you, my man, will have to approach a woman, start a conversation, ask her for her phone number, call her up, and make the first date. Some women might strike up a conversation with a man to "give him the idea" she is interested, but then the ball is in your court.

    Paying. Many women expect you to pick up the tab. Some women are quite open about it, "I don't think women should have to pay for anything!" is their battle cry. Others are more subtle. They may offer to pay, but really expect the man to refuse to let them. Or they may tell you that since women are paid 60% of what men are, then you owe it to them. Reparations, no doubt.

    Chivalry. Open her door. Hold her chair. Light her cigarette. Wait, isn't this sexism (horrors!)? Yeah, but get used to it.

    Sex (who does what to whom). According to the rules set down by Antioch College, partners should ask permission at every step of the way. That means from holding her hand to (presumably) having an orgasm. Uh huh. When was the last time a woman took the initiative, explained that she wanted sex with you, showed you proof she was using birth control, then asked for permission at each and every stage (which I am sure you can imagine in pornographic detail)? What, never? OK, so let's deal with the real world. It'll be generally up to you to take the initiative when it comes to sex. There are some complications, as can be seen in other parts of this site (see, especially, No means No means Yes means Maybe means No means.... You might observe that women seem to be under no obligation to ask you for your permission when it comes to them demanding that you pay for dinner, or handing over that 18 years of child support because she chose (chose!) not to get an abortion.

    Sex (the deal). "No sex until marriage. No sex until we date for six months. No sex until you move my furniture. No sex." Incredible as it may seem in this age of liberation, many women still believe that sex is a commodity they posses which they can use to gain something in return from men. More on how to deal with this, elsewhere on this site.

    Demands. Women will make many demands, many of them silly and ridiculous, which they themselves would never even think of doing for the men in their lives. For example, they may demand that a man romance them with all sorts of gifts and flowers while they themselves would not even send a birthday card in return. Or take those Antioch Rules again: how many feminists do you think ask permission from men for whatever sex they may choose to engage in? By their own rules these women are "date rapists" (horrors!). Think they are turning themselves in to the local constabulary? Frequently, the same women who will make grandiose pronouncements about "long-term relationships" are too dysfunctional to take the initiative, pick up the phone, and ask out a man for a coffee date. Since women have little conception about the difficulties inherent in any sort of dating situation, they naturally assume they are experts. Related to this phenomenon is the woman who talks a good fight about "commitment" and "building relationships" but cancels out of dates at the last moment (or just stands men up).

    What you can do..
    Insist on treating her as an equal: no opening doors, she pays 50% of all expenses, demand that she ask permission when it comes to sex. Be prepared to spend the rest of your life masturbating. Or you can learn.


    "No Means No Means Yes Means Maybe Means Yes Means No Means Yes" aka commitment

    Women believe in commitment, right? Men are "commitmentphobes", right? We're told that "no means no" and "yes means yes", right? Well, let's see how it works on this planet.

    "Love to but busy". You meet a woman, you have a nice conversation, you ask her if she wants to go to a movie this weekend. She replies, "Gee, I'd love to, but gosh I am busy, maybe next week." Since by the very rules women set, "no" means "no," then "yes" must mean "yes", right? So if you call her up next week she will go out with you, right? Well, wrong, Often, the woman just does not want to go out with you but lacks the integrity to tell the truth, so she date lies and says "maybe" when she means "no." The usual claim is that she "does not want to hurt your feelings." Nonsense. She is concerned about her own feelings, since having to tell the truth might cause her some discomfort. But the dilemma is sometimes she would love to go out with you but she is busy. If you do not try again, then she will complain about men not calling back. Now, if you were dealing with a guy, you'd put the ball in his court and he would call you back. But many women will not call up a guy to ask him out, at least not the first few times they are dating a man. So you are in an impossible situation: if you take her "maybe" to mean "yes" and ask her out again, then you may face a charge of "sexual harassment." If you take her "maybe" to mean "no" and not call her back, she may claim you are another of those insensitive men who never call back.

    What to do. You might insist and demand to know if she is really interested in going out with you, i.e., get some sort of definitive "yes" or "no." Or you might give her your phone number and tell her to call back if she is interested. Or you might go to your campus women's center (there are very few men's centers) and point out this is another example of women saying "yes" when they really mean "no." Or you might drop her all together.

    Phone phollies. Related to above...she says she'd love to hear from you. You call her, she's not in, you leave a message on her phone machine, she does not call you back. You go through this cycle several times. Usual advice: leave a message once. If she does not call back, forget it. Better not to leave a message at all and get her when she is in. Related to this: do not try to get in contact with her via e-mail. Too easy to get deleted.

    Canceling. Just because she said "yes" does not mean she will actually come through and show up for the date. You may receive a panic-stricken phone call at the last moment in which she gives you some lame excuse and cancels. Why does this happen? At first she may be complimented that someone has asked her out, so she agrees. Then she starts to panic--"who is this guy?" "what does he want?" "what if he wants sex!?" "I can't do this!" So she cancels out. Quite often, while people will complain that they can not meet members of the opposite sex, when they do get a date, they suddenly get bogged down by a lot of concerns: like, "will I be judged and rejected?" "this is such a pain to date, better to stay home and feel sorry for myself," "I can do better than this person."

    Standing you up. Let's assume she does not cancel out. This does not mean she will actually show up. So you may have blown an entire evening, plus dinner reservations, etc. Another example of female commitment.

    Standing you up at a distance. Same as above, but this assumes you, say, flew out to another city, state or country to see her.

    Changing her mind about sex. Just because she said "yes" to sex doesn't mean she has to go through with it. She can (and will) change her mind at the last moment. She may change her mind even in bed. Guess what? You can't do a thing about it!

    My recommendations:

  • Give her your phone number and tell her if she is interested she can call you back. And do not call her again until she does.
  • "One strike and you are out." Don't event bother to call her again. She had her chance. If she can't call you up to apologize, forget about her.
  • Read her the riot act. Tell her there is something wrong with her for acting this way. She won't go out with you, but it may save the next guy some grief.

  • For the first date, do not make reservations for dinner, bring flowers, or make dates with women who live more miles than you care to drive. This will save you a lot of time and money. Things like flowers should be a reward for her showing up for more than one date, not a freebie.
  • Sue her. That's right, if this involves some considerable expense on your part, like airline tickets or hotel reservations, bring a civil suit against her. Who knows, you might get some satisfaction.

  • When it comes to sex, at the slightest sign of a game on her part, show her the door. You do not want to give her the satisfaction that what she has is worth a jail sentence.

    (By the way, "Commitmentphobia" is an interesting term, squashing together English and Greek words to mean "fear of commitment" with the implication that this is some sort of pathology, like arachnophobia. i.e., men who do not want commitment are insane, unlike women who do want commitment are not. The fact that many women can not show up for dates they make does not enter into the picture. Name calling is part of the female repertoire, presumably a form of nurturing which men are not sensitive enough to understand. If we turned the situation around and, say called women who expected men to pick up the check all the time "ho's", or women who refused to have sex "sexophobics," what do you suppose the response would be? By the way, whatever happened to the term "frigid?")


    communication

    OK, so let's say you are out with a woman. She starts asking you questions:
    Have you ever been married?
    What do you think makes a good relationship?
    If you had to choose between saving my life or that of a family member, who would you choose?
    Have you ever been to a (a) strip club, (b) prostitute, (c) gay bar, (d) etc?
    Why are you acting this way

    Incredible as it may seem, 95% of the time she could care less about the answers to these questions. Rather, she is testing you to see how you handle women, and yourself. If you waste your time trying to "communicate", she knows she can lead you around. How might you answer?
    Q: Have you ever been married?

  • A: "Why do you want to know?"
    Q: What do you think makes a good relationship?
  • A: "Not asking silly questions."
    Q: If you had to choose between saving my life or that of a family member, who would you choose?
  • A: What kind of fool question is that?
    Q: Have you ever been to a (a) strip club, (b) prostitute, (c) gay bar, (d) etc?
  • A: "I've done everything. Everything! What about you?"
    Q: Why are you acting this way
  • A: "Get your stuff and go home."

    The point is, you can not allow her to get away with this. You also need to realize that you must show her that you can walk away from her at any time. Her one real power is the belief that what she has is sooooo special that you can not live without it. Disabuse her of that delusion, quickly.


    nurturing

    Manipulation. You meet a female. She smiles. She calls you "hon'." She touches you on the arm. She wants you!, right? Wrong. She's tying to get something out of you. How do you know? The moment she sees you will not give her what she wants, she turns mean. Typical hypocrisy.
    What you can do.
    All this stuff would be sexual harassment if a man were to do them. Do not let her get away with it.

    Putting on a show. You're at a dance club. You see two hot looking babes/chicks dancing with each other, lifting up their skirts, gyrating their hips towards you, wow! Better hang about them, right? You may get some nookie by the time the evening is over, right? Wrong. Women act in this manner primarily to show off their sexuality. If you are stupid enough to respond, they will find some way to reject you, a demonstration of female power. This proves they are, under it all, really "good girls."
    So what should you do if you see women putting on a show?
    (1) Turn your back.
    (2) Leave the room.
    (3) These girls require an audience...don't give them one.

    "You and him fight". A woman approaches you at a bar/frat party. She close dances with you. She sits in your lap. She locks her lips to yours. Wow, You must be a hot guy, right? So you respond in the same manner. Abruptly, she leaves then returns with boyfriend/bouncer/sexual harassment councilor. She claims indignantly, "He (i.e., you, my man) was bothering me. Wah!" Now you are the bad guy. Blow her off right from the start.

    "All men are sh*t". Hear that? All men are brothers, members of the "Sh*t" family. Some women spend an entire date relating that all men are rapists (the feminist version). Or (the traditional version), that she knows what you really want (Sex! Horrors!) ... they are looking for Mr Rite and since you are not Mr Rite you are Mr Wrong who wants to steal her virtue and therefore make her unworthy of Mr Rite. No reason to put up with this, well, sh*t ... terminate the date.

    You too can change diapers. Some women will have a child with one man (let's call this fellow who mastered her heart, "Biff"), break up, and guess what, you my man are so lucky you can now take care of Biff's kid! Don't you just love the aroma of someone else's kids dirty diapers in the morning? There are several variants of this one. Some women will follow a genetic strategy of mating with an "alpha male" (e.g., say a gang member), have his child (in order to boost her own genetic heritage), then look around for a more stable man who can support her and Biff's genetic heritage. And there are enough sensitive, loving, caring (i.e., desperate) men out there who are willing to change the diapers if it means they can get any kind of female attention.
    What you can do. The easy answer is to dump her. But it's not that easy. There are a lot of single parents out there (and you may be one of them). Some of them are quite decent. You might be able to strike a deal here. Just be careful she does not get pregnant again with some other guy's kids and now you get to change two sets of dirty diapers.

    Between boyfriends. A woman who might normally never give you the time of day suddenly announces "My boyfriend is out of town" or "I'm between boyfriends." Lucky you, you get to date her. Not so fast, though. Do you really want to be treated as a second or third stringer? She is probably not interested in you. She sees you as a way to show her peers that she has a guy to buy her dinner on "date night"; or she may want to make Boyfriend jealous.
    What you can do. You are not the duty roster. Tell her "Gee I would love to but gosh I am busy."

    Talk, talk, talk. Before you ever go on a date, she engages you in phone conversations lasting hours. Wow! She must be interested in you, right? Wrong (again). Talkers are rarely doers. She may have several reasons for wasting your time in this fashion:

  • She wants to prove to herself that men are interested in her without having to actually date anyone.
  • She thinks of you as a good "friend", which means she will not want to date you (and certainly not have sex with you!).
  • She has no respect for your time and thinks she can waste it.
    What you can do. Keep conversations short until after a couple of dates. Then feel free to talk.

    Silliness. Some women spend the evening telling you about therapists, astrology, animal companions (what men call "pets"), etc. This is usually harmless enough, although sometimes indicative of a lot of deeper neuroses. Usually, they have little understanding of the deeper concepts behind Zen, tantra and such, and would go running crying to their therapists if they had an actual mind expanding experience. One other thing. If women start talking about "bliss" they usually do not mean anything resulting from an orgasm. Usually, they are referring to the after effects of their last 30 minutes of yoga.


    intimacy

    "What's he going to do?" You meet a woman at a party and she invites herself up to your hotel room at 1AM. She takes off her shoes, loosens her blouse, sits cross legged on the bed. She puts a porn video in the VCR. She invites you to sit next to her. You are one lucky man, my man, right? Time to get it on with her, right? Well, if you do, 24 hours later you may be facing a charge of "date rape." Often women play this game in order to "see what he will do."

  • i.e., will you be a man and seduce them?
  • Or wimp out and just chat, thereby insulting her womanhood?
  • Often, women do not quite know what it is they are doing, they are seeing how far they (meaning you) can push the envelope--maybe something exciting will happen, but regardless, women, simply because they are women, will not have to take any blame if sex happens. If you end up having sex, then she can deny responsibility (see, she is still a "good girl", you made her). If you do not have sex, well, she figures, there are always other men...

    Another version of this game is a woman who goes to a frat party, gets plastered, does a fake strip tease or other sexually provocative act, rubs up against you, and then screams "date rape" when some guy is stupid enough to respond.


    What you can do. The standard academic feminist answer on this one is to "communicate." As much as I hate to agree with feminists, that's not a bad idea. (Don't expect the woman in question to live up to feminist standards and attempt to communicate what she wants with you.) Ask her "Do you want to make love?" In 90+% of the cases she will say "no" and at this point one of you should be out the door. It is insane to hang around and let her play this game with you given the general hysteria over "date rape." If nothing else, splitting at this point will teach her a lesson about playing games and may save the next guy some grief. If she says "yes" you may want to split anyway. Let her see what it is like to be rejected.


    liberation

    The Double Standard. The old Double Standard was that men wanted sex and women wanted love. So women traded sex for love and men traded love for sex. As part of this deal, we were told that women did not like sex, it was just the thing they did to be loved. Now, back in the 1960s there were females calling themselves "Women's Libbers" who stated rather loudly that women could enjoy sex for itself and that by tying sex to marriage, men were enslaving women. Commitment, they proclaimed, was a trap! So now it was the duty and right of liberated women to go out into the world and enjoy sex, like men. Well, that regime did not last very long. Too many women realized they were giving up too much power by "giving men sex" and not getting so much as a diamond ring in return! Now we see women cementing the Double Standard back into place with the same old game of "No Sex Until I Get What I Want!"

    It is amazing how many women will tell you that they can not have sex until they first "love" their partner, which means that the men in their lives had better jump through their hoops, or else they can go home and masturbate. Ultimately, these women are too repressed to enjoy sex for itself. Back to the old Double Standard, this time brought to you by women.

    Objectification. Women, of course, turn themselves into "sex objects." They choose to wear sexually provocative clothing and make-up (last time I checked the criminal code, there was no law on the books ordering women to wear high heels or draw attention to their bare flesh by wearing a navel piercing). More fundamentally, women make themselves into "sex objects" by not taking the initiative when it comes to sex. If they expect men to pursue them, then women can hardly complain about being "objects," right? Well, they complain any way. Similarly, if women are going to withhold sex until they get something in return (the proverbial wedding ring) then they are again turning themselves into objects. If women do not like this evaluation, then they should stop objectifying themselves.

    Birth control. You'd think that women would take advantage of the right to use birth control, given the great big struggle to get birth control and abortion legalized back in the 1960s-70s? Right? Wrong. Many women do not use birth control because they think it means that they actually might want to have sex And this would mean they are bad girls. Horrors. You, my man, have to be 100% responsible for birth control: condoms, gels, inserts--check out the entire range of these things. Because if she gets pregnant, you are now responsible for her negligence for the next 18 years. Oh yeah, supposedly abortion allows women to choose to terminate an unwanted pregnancy, but only she gets to make that choice. If she suddenly decides she wants to change dirty diapers, you will pay for it. So be prepared!


    sisterhood

    "I am not that sort of a girl". Forget everything you may have heard about women being part of some grand feminist sisterhood. In the female mythos, there are two sorts of women: "good girls" and "bad girls." Women are incredibly status conscious and will rat out their "sisters" if it means getting the man they want. Look at the way women continually support the criminalization of prostitution, gleefully jailing any female who dares step out of line by "giving men sex" without that wedding ring as part of the bargain. It's women who have made the word "whore" a pejorative, not men (compare the number of women you hear referring to "bad girls" (i.e., sexually free women) as "whores" with the number of men who use the term "ho."). There's a sort of hierarchy here in women's perception:

  • at the top is the married woman who saved herself for Mr Rite who was a millionaire;
  • further down the feeding chain is the woman with a boyfriend ("I have a boyfriend, f*** you" is their motto);
  • then there are the women who (shudder) give men sex (without commitment!);
  • and at the bottom are assorted sex workers who are a threat to the diamond ring, the mortgage in the suburbs and that free dinner they get from their man.


    the heavy stuff [[THESE LINKS ARE NOT ALL IN YET]]

    Had enough? The games women play can mean the loss of your freedom. I'll let the experts speak on these...[note: not all of these are up yet]

    Birth Control Fraud

    Paternity Fraud

    False Charges of Rape

    Violence against men


    INDEX TO WEBSITE

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  • home page
  • what does she want?
  • some advice for the man who is trying to date...
  • female types
  • useful links

    "Liberation grows out of the realization that the most potent weapon in the hands of the oppressor is the mind of the oppressed" -- Stephen Biko