Terri Schiavo, Johnny Cochran, Frank Perdue, and the Pope arrive at
the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter says, "Can I help you?"
The Pope steps forward and says, "Your Honor, we have a really
amazing family act we'd like to perform for you, and...
The extended solo version by J. W. Johnston:
Terri Schiavo, Johnny Cochran, Frank Perdue, and the Pope arrive at
the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter says, "Can I help you?"
Johnny Cochran struts forward and says, "Your Honor, we have a really
amazing act. Once you see it, you can make only one decision about our worthiness to be admitted to heaven."
Saint Peter replies, "Sorry, I don't consider group acts. You can only
get into heaven based on the merits of your own individual behaviors during your lifetimes."
Agitated, Terri Schiavo gurgles, "Blzrgrrrtppppppthhh."
Frank Perdue quickly chimes in, "Sir, what Ms. Schiavo is trying to
say is that if you just see our act, we're sure you'll let us in to heaven."
Saint Peter says, "OK. OK. What have you got?"
[offensive stuff deleted]
Saint Peter sits in stunned silence. Finally he manages, "That was
one hell of an act. What do you call it?"
The Pope says, "The Aristocrats!"
The clouds open up, a demon looking a lot like Penn Jillette rises
up from the darkness, and the group is dragged away by the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.
In the distance, Johnny Cochran is heard to say, "Sorry guys. The strategy
worked great for OJ."
