Consuming…
Greg Egan’s Distress
New 40 GB HD
The usual meds
It’s not a glass ceiling. It’s my hermetically-sealed Comedy Writer bubble … and I’m working on soundproofing it with
LATE SHOW mouse pads!
My
tiresomeless efforts have again “paid” off by
“earning” recognition from the
Letterman machine. And in true WWW fashion, the news is surging across the network like shock waves from a bunker-busting constipated turd.
It’s only been 3 days and already I’ve heard from
Pathos the Swarthy, hereafter known as
Pathos the
Omniscient (and Swarthy), who scooped the hapless
Woodward and Bernstein in uncovering this latest
development. (If I could just talk her in to becoming my Publicist…)
As usual, I’ve reproduced my entries
here. I had to reconstruct last week’s other submissions from the dregs of my brain since, for once, it proved less unreliable
than my laptop’s hard drive, which made the ultimate sacrifice while idling in a 140 degree car.
That’s TWO mouse pads … but who’s counting?
Beltway Buzz…
To those who are wondering what I’ve been doing in NoVA the past
month, I’ll tell you what I told Hymie: It’s NOT interning for the Clintons. I’ve had no
relations with that family.
Consuming…
A Webster’s Moment
The usual meds
After rereading my March 17th post where I referred to a
Schwarzenegger moment, I started pondering what other Moments might be buried in the global memeolith waiting to be mined, hankering for
coinage.
The basic form has obviously been lifted from Kodak which blessed the world with its Moment, meaning, of course, that
perfect photo op.
To be a good Moment, the allusion should be obvious. There should be no need to, as Ricky Ricardo would say, “’splain”
it. So here's a quiz. Get your pencils out and treat yourself to a Eberhard Faber Number Two Moment. How many of the
following can you match up?
|
Schwarzenegger Moment
|
Moment of intense pulse-pounding action when one is in
danger of being crushed by a runaway aircraft carrier piloted by an ex-Mr Universe and/or current governor of California
|
|
Ashlee
Moment |
Moment
when one is utterly unable to decide if kakorrhaphiophobia is to morosis as grapholagnia is to bovarism*
|
|
SAT
Moment
|
Time
when one’s compelled
To wax philosophical
In haiku format
|
|
Frito
Lay Moment
|
Moment
when something entirely unexpected happens, like when Captain Picard beams into a parallel dimension to hide from Romulan
War Birds to escape vaporization by a Tera-erg sub-theta beam
|
|
Meconium
Moment |
Moment
of extreme public humiliation where the situation is so f**ked up, the only option is to break into a spontaneous high-stepping
riverdance
|
|
Geico
Moment
|
Moment
one realizes there is no hope of understanding the addled ravings of the doddering night custodian of the Klingman’s Folly
Historical Society
|
|
Haiku
Moment |
Moment when one comes face to face with the unfathomable, like a newborn’s first bowel movement
|
|
Hymie
Moment |
That first instance of an addictive behavior, like the first
drink for an alcoholic, first pull of a one-armed bandit for a compulsive gambler, first hit of crystal meth
|
*Thanks to Hymie O’Phil and Peter Bowler (The Superior Person’s Book
of Words):
kakorrhaphiophobia n: morbid fear of failure
morosis n: imbecility
grapholagnia n: fascination
with obscene pictures
bovarism n: magnified opinion of one’s abilities
It all feels kind of Germanic to me. You know, where a big ass compound expression is used to represent a timeless, but
otherwise un-named, obscure, and ill-considered concept. If you want to be truly Germanic about it, instead of Moment, append
“freude.” Schwarzeneggerfreude anyone?
Another apt byline for this site…
Hee Haw for Nerds
