jiggling the handle

Consuming…
David Mitchell’s Cloud Atlas (thanks Elvis and Rondo!)
Last installment of Ghost in the Shell
The usual meds

Figure I need to get another blog entry in under the wire. Tomorrow’s May 1st and I’ve managed just two posts in April. So I find myself scampering to the cupboard to fetch my poor reader a bone. Let’s see, a bag of Ramen Noodles and …

A couple limericks and Letterman rejects
Updates from Buck the Befuddler, Hymie O’Phil, and well wishes from many in the extended House of Jiggle. Buck seems to be befuddling his new employer admirably while being befuddled himself by digestive woes. Hymie continues to mistake me for Dave Barry and sends all kinds of outdated tripe. The Jiggle family is jiggling on vigorously despite the yawning vacuum left by its long-skedaddled prodigal son.
After the rush of Bongo photo caption contest success, I fell on my face for two straight weeks—missing the bandwagon on “Einstein’s pet” and “Got chocolate?” In retrospect, the line for the “chocolate” photo (a.k.a., the re-tarred man): “I knew Al Jolson, and Senator, you’re no Al Jolson,” may have been a bit obtuse. And my caption for the photo of the strange-looking bat creature, “In a surprise move, the Defense called Michael Jackson to the stand,”--topical, but predictable.
Still basking in the glow of my Pope and Friends at the Gate tour-de-force, coauthored with Gene Weingarten, I’m irrationally exuberant to have been a part of what is being referred to as the “all time low” and the “now infamous ‘Pope/Schiavo/Cochran/Perdue Aristocrat’ joke.” It’s the same prideful rush I feel when contemplating the accomplishments of Puppet Master J and The Rabid Pixie.
I’ve continued my blasphemous ways this week by dashing off flotsam to the latest Letterman contest and another Weingarten challenge—you guessed it, both in homage to the new Pope.
The mailbox taken out by the Better Living lumber truck (driven by an AWOL Martha Stewart I believe) has long since been repaired. And the grass around it (what remaining) has been mowed by this Mildly Ironic blogger twice. Ahh, Spring.
Job interviews, kid sports, babysitting, Java studies, psychic trauma, house-hubby duties, …
Still no word from Heinz

Consuming…
Heavenly Hash
The usual meds

Coming on the heels of success with the Bongo News Photo Caption Contest, I discovered I actually WON the Pope at the Gate Contest featured in Gene Weingarten’s on-line chat today.

Gene writes a weekly humor column for The Washington Post called Below the Beltway. In addition to the column, he moderates a weekly chat where lots of important stuff worthy of The Washington Post’s gravitas is discussed. Things like: the best comic strips of the week, women’s undergarments, something called “roo roo.”

In last week’s chat, someone suggested a punch line was needed for the following joke:

“Terri Schiavo, Johnny Cochran, Frank Perdue and the Pope arrive at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter says....”

Gene being Gene, he took the bait and swam with it. JW being JW, I couldn’t resist sending in a hastily-cobbled-together-but-seemingly-brilliant-at-the-time brain f*rt. Today my (heavily edited) entry took top honors in a field of some repute. Check out the runners up!

I have Gene to thank for his eXtreme editing which (probably) transformed a convoluted poorly-executed disaster into a pithy comedic gem. Booking agents take note: I AM NOW A COAUTHOR WITH GENE WEINGARTEN!

Readers are raving! A man from NY writes, “The winner wins, hands down. No contest. Good pick.” A woman from DC gushes, “… made me laugh so hard I nearly wet my pants.” Even more readers had this popular reaction, “I don’t get it.”

Both versions are posted here. You be the judge. Should I keep Gene on the team?

Consuming…
Extra strength laundry detergent
Garth Hattingh’s Outdoor Survival
The usual meds

What better way to start the week than to share some Knock Knock jokes I dug up over the weekend? These are little known (OK, made up) bits performed by classic comedy teams.

Abbot and Costello

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Yes!
Yes who?
That’s right!!
Who’s right?
You Betcha!
…

The Marx Brothers

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Wouldn’t you like to know?
Wouldn’t you like to know who?
Do you always repeat what you hear? Why, I’d horse whip you if I had a horse. Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.

Brooks and Reiner

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
O Phil.
O Phil who?
He’s big and mean and can break you in two with his bare hands.
O Phil, please don’t hurt us and tear our eyes out!
…

Cheech and Chong

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
It’s me, Dave.
It’s me Dave who?
It’s me, Dave. Open up, man, I got the stuff!
Dave’s not here.
…

Shameful Self Promotion…
Unlike the Letterman lackeys, the folks at Bongo News have recognized my efforts. Each entry I sent to the last 3 of 4 Photo Caption Contests has been published! Guess which pseudonym is mine.