Too
Much
-
(2)
Sunday, December 2, 2007
I
guess I am still in what constitutes a "holiday" mood for me. That
is to say, I am brooding and irritable. I have
been thinking a lot about my "Grinchiness", from both sides.
Putting it affirmatively,
I enjoy simple things. I like my routine. I do not need or require more material things,
or "stuff". I have an over-active imaginations, so I don't need
to be entertained. My needs and tastes are simple. Simple is good. For the most part,
I live the way I want to live, and I
like it that way. All the holiday hoopla is
unnecessary for me.
Looking at it from the
negative side, I think a lot of my problem is something that borders
on a phobia of sorts. I am one of those people
who is too easily over stimulated. [There's probably a psychological definition
and name for that, but I don't think I want to know
what it is.] Loud noise, bright lights, large crowds,
closed spaces, or too much action overstimulate my senses and totally freak me out. My negative reaction
to the holidays is not merely because I'm
a Grinchy Old Witch (although I wouldn't pretend that isn't part
of it), but it also has to do with the fact that
much of what happens in the course of holiday celebrations upsets me.
I try not to allow my own neuroses to spoil others' fun. It is a struggle.
The Holidays are just no fun for a mildly agoraphobic introvert! Stretching myself
to tolerate the holiday commotion becomes harder each year. Part of that may be that
my tolerance is going down, but I swear it seems
to me the commotion gets more frenetic with every
passing year.
Occasionally I have found myself
wondering
exactly what it is about the extravagance of holiday celebrations
that appeals to other people. For me trying to get into the spirit
of the Holidays is a little like visiting a foreign country where I
don't speak the language and don't understand the culture. I'm very freaked out by the whole
thing, but I somehow feel that if I learned more about it, maybe I would be able
to enjoy it more. For that reason, on occasions I have tried to get into the Holiday Spirit.
That has seldom worked out
well.
The problem with my trying to participate in the holiday
cheer is that the more I pay attention to the things in our culture that
pass for entertainment, the more I am troubled by the thought that a lot of it
is just not healthy!
I am reminded of
Juvenal's description of the Roman Empire appeasing the masses
with "bread and circuses" to keep them
busy and, thereby, to avoid rebellion. I look around my world today
and everywhere I turn I see people being manipulated by
the government, by the schools, churches
and other institutions --and most of all by the media.
First and foremost, we are taught to be consumers. From babyhood
we are taught to want "things". We want to be given our daily bread, plus every
other possible material thing imaginable. We are taught that the material things we possess
somehow reflect our value as human beings. [I was behind the door the
day they explained exactly how that works, so I don't
really understand it.] We are encouraged to seek entertainment that
is extravagant and costly. Unless we are fortunate enough to live
in some isolated, remote place, every day
and everywhere we go from babyhood and for the rest of our
lives we are bombarded with a constant stream of advertising from
a myriad of sources that has
as its sole purpose to make us dissatisfied with our lives.
During
the Holidays all that advertising reaches its
annual crescendo. Our gifts have to be perfect. Our clothes
have to be beautiful. Our parties have to be spectacular. We
have to buy more, give more, do more, party more, enjoy more
in order to ... what? Feel something "special" apart from our typical busy, stressful, over-stimulated
lives? Keep us in debt to our creditors and dependent on our
employers? Stimulate the economy? Stay busy so we don't think about the terrible consequences of our rampant,
ostentatious and totally self-centered
consumption? All of the
above, is what I
think!
I can't help but note the enormous contrast between
the joy I feel when I sit here in the quiet and write what I think is a
beautiful sentence or the pleasure I experience when I cook something or
do something that pleases my husband or my daughter in my own simple way
compared with the hyper-excitement I witness
at sporting events or other entertainment venues. I love to watch people really having fun, the
sort of wonderful kicked-back fun I see every week at the beach when I
watch families frolicking in the water or watching people dance or creating
something beautiful. I love the unbridled pleasure of doing all of those things as well.
I am disturbed and a little frightened by the out-of-control, hyped-up, screaming
excitement I witness at car races and football games or the desperation in
the faces of the Christmas shoppers looking for the "perfect" gift or
buying supplies for the "perfect" party. To me it seems unhealthy
for entertainment or holidays that are supposed to be for
the purpose of "recreation" to cause people to lose control, stress out and behave
in a manner so out of their normal range. I tell
my husband nearly every week during football season
that anything that upsets a person that
much can't really be fun! That goes double for holiday celebrations.
If its so stressful, burdensome and
overwhelming, why do we do it? I used to do that too
until one year my husband got really mad at me for
being such a maniac in my efforts to create the "perfect" holiday.
I was mad at him about that little tirade for a long
time, mainly because I knew in my heart he was spot-on
right. Little by little in the years since
then, I have laid aside one holiday tradition
after another and gradually de-stressed my holidays completely. It is wonderful.
I have now reached the point where I would love to avoid any observance of
the holidays whatsoever. Perhaps I have gone too
far!
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