Someone kicked my ass
in the night while I slept.
I think he did it with money.
I think he did it with wit.
I think he found that rare Pink Floyd
LP that I could never find,
even on the internet.
He probably has a radio show, and
he’ll play that record Thursday
and talk about me disparagingly.

I got a job as an announcer at
the junior high.
All day, kids with guns line up
and force me to play one song
after another:
“Dear God” by XTC,
or “Another Brick in the Wall Part 2”.
I wonder - why only eighties pop?
Why no teenage boy
forcing me at gunpoint to play
“Hey Ya”?

There’s a new dance sensation
which is sweeping the country.
Just stand still and I’ll demonstrate:
It involves waving your arms in the air
without concern.