|
As the Healthcare Reform Bill is being debated, liberals are pressuring PRESIDENT OBAMA to take our troops out of Afghanistan
and put them where the REAL violence is - The U.S. Senate.
PRESIDENT OBAMA was in China this week, or as they call
it, the "People's Republic of Wal-Mart."
According to the latest statistics, China is the world's third
largest economy, right behind Japan and OPRAH.
To foster the spirit of good will, when the PRESIDENT got off the
plane he wore the traditional clothes made by the children of China. You know, L.L. Bean, J. Crew, Banana Republic, Nike,
Reebok.
While there, PRESIDENT OBAMA took a tour of the Great Wall of China and said it was, "magical."
It was for us back home too. Looking at a photo of something American in China. You never see that.
In Japan, PRESIDENT
OBAMA bowed to the Emperor and one of the people most bothered by this was former Vice President DICK CHENEY. He said no American
President should bow to anyone. PRESIDENT BUSH never bowed to any foreign leaders. He just held hands with them, kissed them
and then they shared a bed together, but that was different. That was for oil.
The Premier of Japan has a plaque
on his desk that says, "The Yen Stops Here!" BILL CLINTON has a plaque on his bed that says, "The Yen Never
Stops."
SARAH PALIN'S new book is finally out and there's some really shocking stuff in there. Complete sentences,
proper grammar, stuff you've never heard from her before.
SARAH'S book is number one on the best seller lists leaving
STEPHEN KING to be number two with his very scary new book called "Sarah Palin Becomes President."
If you
think PALIN'S book, "Going Rogue," is a huge bestseller, wait'll you see how popular her next book will be -- To
be called, "Going Away."
KHALID SHEIKH MOHAMMED, the terrorist mastermind, will go on trial in New York.
Did you see that picture of him? Forget terrorism. He should get executed just for having all that hair on his shoulders.
Hair on shoulders is a maximum offense in New York and every other city in the country.
LIZ CHENEY hinted that her
father, DICK, might run for President in 2012. This news was greeted with cheers, hope and great relief; and that was just
from the Democrats.
Can you imagine that scary guy, DICK CHENEY, running for President and SARAH PALIN as his Vice
President. It would be just like that old JIM CARREY movie, "Dum, DeDum, Dum & Dumber."
91-year-old
Senator ROBERT BYRD set a record for the longest time served in congressional history. During his time in office, BYRD has
passed over 800 bills and 600 kidney stones.
The POPE has a 900 number, but don't try any crank calls to the Vatican
because if they tell you to "Go to hell," it's not just a figure of speech.
The Food and Drug Administration
has just approved the first female version of Viagra. Already a guy was overheard in a Singles Bar saying, "My Viagra
or yours?"
MASTERJOKE THEATRE
A couple both in their 70's go to a Sex Therapist's office.
The doctor says, "How may I help you?" The man says, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?" The
doctor is puzzled, but agrees.
When the couple finish the doctor tells them there's nothing wrong with the way they
have intercourse, charges them $85 for the session and they leave.
This happens several weeks in a row. The couple
make the appointment, have intercourse with no apparent problems, pay the doctor and leave. Finally, the doc asks, "Just
exactly what are you trying to find out?"
The old man says, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's
married so we can't go to her house. I'm married so we can't go to mine. The Holiday Inn charges $125, the Hilton gets $150.
We do it here for $85 and I get $68 back from Medicare"
FROM THE NATION'S TOP COMEDY WRITERS
|
