Funny Stuff from the Gags Gang

The jobless rate hit over 10 percent, the highest it's been since 1983, but let's look at the bright side. When you're unemployed, the minute you get out of bed in the morning you're on the job.

Republican pundits were shouting after this week's elections, that it was a very bad sign for Democrats and they were probably right. They did lose gubernatorial races in Virginia and New Jersey. Now, all the Democrats have left is the Presidency, both houses of Congress, and all of Hollywood.

PRESIDENT OBAMA, good sport that he is, called and congratulated Republicans who won the governorships of their states. He then moved Virginia and New Jersey to the bottom of the swine flu vaccine waiting list.

A year ago this week BARACK OBAMA was elected President. A lot has happened in just one short year. Problems with Healthcare, Afghanistan, bailouts and the economy in general. OBAMA'S slogan has gone from, "Yes, we can," to "Oy Vay."

Congratulations to New York City Mayor MICHAEL BLOOMBERG on being reelected to a third term by spending only 100 million dollars on his campaign. It's good to have a Mayor who can put that kind of cash on his Visa Card.

Do you realize that is the most money ever spent on a New Yorker that's NOT playing for the Yankees.

One of the primary reason's for Mayor BLOOMBERG being reelected was, he was able to cut down on the city's crime. He did this by taking over a 1000 cops OFF the streets.

I'm not saying there were payoffs among the New York Police, but one officer was seen directing traffic with his palm UP.

This week in Afghanistan, opposition candidate ABDULLAH ABDULLAH dropped out of the runoff presidential election. ABDULLAH ABDULLAH says he wants to spend more time with his wife wife and his kids kids before they move to Walla Walla.

Last weekend we turned the clocks back an hour. In Afghanistan they turned them back 400 years.

PRESIDENT OBAMA approved a new plan to pay members of the Taliban to switch sides and support the United States. It was learned, he's promised them cash, food, 72 virgins and a year's supply of Viagra.

Yes, we're going to pay the Taliban to join our side. The program is called "Moolah for Mullah."

DISNEY has gotten the okay to build a theme park in China. One area of the attraction will salute freedoms in that nation. It'll be called Fantasyland.

Congratulations to the Yankees for winning their 27th World Series championship. I love the New York fans because they don't waste words. Everything they had to say about the other team they were able to sum up in one finger.

With the water shortage in California, Los Angeles toilet water is seriously being considered to be recycled as tap water. I can just hear your doctor telling you that to stay healthy you must drink "8 flushes a day."

November 11th is Veterans Day, originally called Armistice Day because hostilities ceased between the Allies and the Central Powers on the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month in 1918 thus ending World War One - It was hailed as "The War To End All Wars." Since then we've had World War Two, The Korean War, Viet Nam, Grenada, Panama, The Persian Gulf, The Iraq War and now Afghanistan. -- Way to go guys!

MASTERJOKE THEATRE

A doctor and his wife are having a screaming argument at breakfast. He yells at her, "You aren't so good in bed either!" and storms off to work.

By mid-morning the Doctor wants to make amends and phones home. After many rings the wife finally picks up the phone. "What took you so long to answer?" the doctor asks. "I was in bed." "What were you doing in bed this late? he asks. "Getting a second opinion."

FROM THE NATION'S TOP COMEDY WRITERS