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This week PRESIDENT OBAMA leaves for a ten-day trip to Singapore, China, South Korea and Japan. Meanwhile, JOHN McCAIN will
have breakfast, lunch and an Early Bird Dinner at Panda Express.
The administration is confident OBAMA will have
no problems in his meetings with the Chinese President. Before leaving he will be fully briefed by the F.B.I. the C.I.A. and
MSG.
When PRESIDENT CLINTON went on a similar trip after the LEWINSKY AFFAIR the only trouble BILL had with China
was HILLARY. She was throwing it at him.
While in China OBAMA plans to visit the Forbidden City, the Great Wall,
and America's money.
The PRESIDENT will probably stay clear of Tiananmen Square. The Chinese are trying to forget
the big "shoot out" they had with students 20 years ago, when it was proven once and for all that the word "inscrutable"
really means, "pissed off!"
The health-care reform bill was passed last weekend by the House and it was
close. 220 yeas, 215 nays and one "You lie, you lie!"
To win passage for the health-care bill PRESIDENT
OBAMA went to Capitol Hill and personally lobbied some of the wavering congressmen, causing the health insurance industry
to be very upset. They said they bought and paid for those congressmen and he had no right going up there and talking to them.
Outspoken
anti-immigration anchor LOU DOBBS is leaving CNN. He'll be replaced by a guy named PANCHO, who will do the same job for $5
an hour.
Former New York Governor, ELIOT SPITZER, who was forced to resign because he used prostitutes, delivered
a lecture at the Harvard center for Ethics. His fee for such speeches is $500 for half an hour, $900 if you want the whole
hour. And leave the money on the dresser.
Congressman, WILLIAM JEFFERSON, who the F.B.I. caught with $90,000 in bribe
money in his freezer, was convicted of 11 counts of bribery and corruption. The Congressman insists he did nothing wrong and
claims he just fell in with the wrong crowd - Congress.
A bottle of beer that was on board the Hindenburg was recently
auctioned off. Do you remember the Hindenburg? It was the biggest thing to crash and burn in New Jersey, that is if you don't
count the "CORZINE For Governor" campaign.
LETTERMAN, LENO, CONNAN O'BRIEN, JIMMY FALLON, CRAIG FERGUSON,
ELLEN DeGENERES and now GEORGE LOPEZ and WANDA SYKES. By the year 2012, we predict, Los Angeles will have a population of
10 million people and 76 percent of them will have their own talk show.
MASTERJOKE THEATRE
Once
upon a time there was a female brain cell which, by mistake, happened to end up in a man's head. She looked around nervously,
but it was all empty and quiet.
"Hello?" she cried out, but there was no answer. "Is there anyone
here?" she called a little louder, but still there was no answer.
Now the female brain cell started to feel
alone and scared and yelled at the top of her voice, "HELLO! IS THERE ANYONE HERE?"
Finally, she heard
a very faint voice coming from far, far below saying. "We're all down here."
FROM THE NATION'S
TOP COMEDY WRITERS
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