TIME-OUTS: Some Suggestions on What to Do During Them

  1. Allow time for biochemical and physiological recovery: Keep in mind that for MOST men, it will take 4 to 5 hours for this to occur. Use of meditation, recreation and relaxation techniques are helpful.
  1. Avoid ruminating (even though keeping the anger alive may give you a feeling of power).
  1. Avoid using time-outs to manipulate, abuse or control your partner in any way. If you do this, it is not really a time-out.
  1. Identify secondary emotions that preceeded your anger. Often this will involve some form of hurt and/or fear. Below make a list of them on a sheet of paper:

HURTS?

FEARS?
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
  1. Now, identify what your needs and/or wants are in this situation and construct "I-statements" that you can use to later convey this to your partner.

Consider also whether it is realistic to expect our partner to meet these needs/wants. If not, what other options are open to you?

If you are new to constructing I-Statements, the following structure may be helpful initially:

I feel/want ________ when ________ because ________.

Copyright © 1998  Hope E. Morrow, MA, MFT, CTS  All Rights Reserved.
Send questions or comments to hopefull@earthlink.net  

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