Actual Business Signs

 On an Electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts."

 Outside a Radiator Repair Shop: "Best place in town to take a leak."

 In a Non-smoking area: "If we see you smoking we will assume you are
 on fire and take appropriate action."

 On Maternity Room door: "Push, Push, Push."

 On a Front Door: "Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog."

 At an Optometrist's Office: "If you don't see what you're looking for,
 you've come to the right place."

 On a Scientist's door: "Gone Fission"

 On a Taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff."

 In a Podiatrist's window: "Time wounds all heels."

 On a Butcher's window: "Let me meat your needs."

 On another Butcher's window: "Pleased to meat you."

 At a Used Car Lot: "Second Hand cars in first crash condition."

 On a fence: "Salesmen welcome.  Dog food is expensive."

 At a Car Dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."

 Outside a Muffler Shop: "No appointment necessary.  We'll hear you coming."

 Outside a Hotel: "Help!  We need inn-experienced people."

 In a Dry Cleaner's Emporium: "Drop your pants here."

 On a desk in a Reception Room: "We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the
 2nd one just left."

 In a Veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes.  Sit!  Stay!"

 On a Music Teacher's door: "Out Chopin."

 At the Electric Company: "We would be delighted if you send in your
 bill.  However, if you don't, you will be."

 In a Beauty Shop: "Dye now!"

 On the door of a Computer Store: "Out for a quick byte."

 In a Restaurant window:  "Don't stand there and be hungry, come in and
 get fed up."

 Inside a Bowling Alley: "Please be quiet.  We need to hear a pin drop."

 On the door of a Music Library: "Bach in a minuet."

 In the front yard of a Funeral Home: "Drive carefully, we'll wait."

 In a Counselor's office: "Growing old is mandatory.  Growing wise is
 optional."
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