Gregory Urman
09/04/09

כוסי רויה -- My Cup Runneth Over

Lord, help me for I am weary and alone
Lord, give me strength – I can’t manage the weight on my back
Lord, give me clarity – I have friends but they’re not enough
Lord, give me patience, I can’t shake off this pain
And my cup runneth over

Lord, give me comfort, my heart is breaking all day and all night
Lord, stifle my anger, I don’t want to become the very monster I fight
Lord, show me mercy for I try to be good
Lord, bring me pause for my cup runneth over

I know I am on my way
I know that the road will be long
I know I must take things day by day
And that only through God am I truly strong

Lord, bring me new love – this woman will end me
She has no strength to stand on her own
She is jealous and dragging me down
She is burning me with my own anger
Lord, give me strength to let go,
And to never look back

Lord, help me for I am weary and alone
Lord, give me strength for my own is not enough
Lord, give me patience, there’s work to be done
For as long as I hope in You, I will never be gone

Gregory Urman
08/27/09

Universal Values

I know that I don’t understand you
But I am listening and I am here to try
I don’t know what it’s like to wear the color of your skin
I do not know the pain inside your eyes

I have no clue how your heart pictures God
No clue how you relate to God inside your mind
Or if you’re feeling safe, or who you turn to trust
Or if you feel that justice here is blind

I have no clue what politics you hold
I do not care about the man in office
I care much more for feelings than for symbols
‘cause symbols are the force that fills up coffins

I know it hurts but money makes a difference
And if you never had it you might sell your soul for more
But if it’s all you have then you’ll be lonely
Be trapped in Guilded Cages, never walking through the door

I also know that there’s a piece of me inside of you
Our skin is different colors but our needs remain the same
To have some food, some love and some respect would do me justice
To have you listen when I speak, not prey on someone weaker
To show some fairness – this would be a worthy practice

I know that we may be from different countries
When Towers fall, our language gets confused (Babel)
I know my ways are strange, but so are yours to me
and ignorance is never an excuse

I know our DNA is basically the same
No matter what your skin, you will grow old and die
That you are capable of kindness just like me
And though we cannot understand completely
I still think we should try!

Gregory Urman
03/18/09

Prayer for the Road

Who am I to ask things of the Lord?
To sit and pine for all the things that I don’t have
To curse my lot when I have never known another?
I am no King but neither am I Jobe
I have my average little life
With all its joys and problems

And day to day, the Whirlwind will consume
A million little worries to fill up your day-to-day
A million little lies you tell yourself so you can function
You solve a problem, then you solve another
But there is always something left
or something new comes crashing down
Because we are not angels
and our lives not meant for perfect

I whine because I want more money
I whine because I want to love
But am I grateful for the things I have?
A gift of kindness or of loyalty or patience
A gift of work, a gift of clarity or laughter –
These things cannot be bought for millions
If they aren’t yours to keep already!

My daily life is like a quest
but then the roads keep growing longer
I tear myself apart with little doubts
I fail in my attempts to mold the future
My power to create is not in scale with that of God
My gift to comprehend is far, far less
But I am trying

So I just walk my little path
and pray that He will guide my way
Protect my path before me and behind me
But more than pray, I act
I act with what I want returned to me
For every action, a reaction
For every dream, an answer

Gregory Urman

06/07/08, 2:45 AM

One Man's Happiness

He's coming home, the work is done for now

An average little house whose worth cannot be measured

Because there's more to life than wealth

No car, no big TV can equal happiness

True happiness is found in family

The door swings open and he sees her there

A wife whose smile is warmer than the sun

Whose love is without limits

Remember that she works as hard as you

And do not ever take this love for granted

He sees his child crawling on the floor

A little girl too young to stand alone

Her babble rarely forms a sentence

But her laughter fills the house

She hears a melody and falls asleep

Just like an angel ...

I pray to God that I can be this man

That there will come a day my searching will be over

That I survive these trying times and find a better world

Where honor and hard work are worth a damn

And men will prove that they are men by not running away

That I willl care about much more than just myself

That I will find a love that is worth keeping.

Gregory Urman

10/03/07

A Man of God

He stands there reading from a book

The prayers passing through his head

They are not words upon a page,

They are reflections of the mind

They are an echo without time

A hope, a praise, a longing that

No army can destroy.

He stands there as if naked

Bears his soul for all its flaws

That he should feel like he

Has found his place

That there is order in the world

That there is comfort for the future

That nothing here should happen
Without purpose

That he can breathe, and live,

And just let go

And he is just one man

But that is what is needed

And every day, he questions

And is tested

To do what’s right

Do what you want returned

And think and grow and pray

While striving not to judge

To know that God will judge us all

In given time.

Gregory Urman

04/17/2007

Pain Poem

Pain is something inescapable

Time goes on and good days end

Pain is something we regret

And if you lose something you love

You cannot get it back

Pain is a condition – you are the response

Pain is something that we get

We wonder why? Do we deserve it?

Pain can come through our connections –

Other people that we hate or love

Pain is something we inflict

Because they hurt you first

Because you cannot let this man get closer

Because you must not take a chance

You must not grow to love him

Or he could hurt you worse

Pain is something that consumes

And then your heart grows angry

Judgment becomes clouded

And you push away your friends

All your dreams are shattered

Your beliefs do not make sense

If there is a God, you think

He is laughing at you

Pain is that from which we cannot hide

You run and run and run but do not change

And if you keep on running,

You’re strength will soon run out

You’re smiling face becomes a mask

That hides a deeper void

You’re running out of reasons to keep going

This pain will lead to suicide

… Pain is something inescapable

Every time, it must be overcome

Time goes on and good days end

But they will return again

Because the world just keeps on going

Gregory Urman

02/17/07

Captured Children/Missing Pieces

How different would we be

If we were raised by different parents.

How happy would we be

If we were lucky from the start

And you look grown and you look healthy

The outside scars have seemed to heal

But only God can see inside your heart

I’m over at some friends’ house

And they’re playing with their kids

The boys just run around, I hear them laughing

This joy, this warmth, this wholeness is infectious

But I look back and feel my missing pieces

And she looks back and feels what made those scars

It’s easy to be good when everybody loves you

It’s easy to be happy when your stomach’s full

But when you do not have, you pray

And when you never get, your heart grows angry

And God becomes the father that abandoned you

And rage becomes the breast from which you nurse

I’m older now and I forgive my parents

And if I hurt them back,

It will not change the past

And I respect my teachers –

They have shown me how to dream

They filled the gaps of image

That my dad did not create

They made me love to learn

And made me want to grow

I do not need excuses

And I work so hard to change

My future will be different from my past

My children will have shelter

They will have joy and love

But time will never take away my pain

And I must live with what I cannot change

And then forgive a God I cannot touch

And choose a better path for me to follow

Gregory Urman
02/07/07

An Ode to Progress

Here stands this idol stabbing at the sky
A million tons of rock, and steel, and glass
A year of work for many, many men
Not one is left alive today,
The building still remains.

Here stands a city, once there was a swamp
You see a cloud of smog,
But can you see the Sun?
Here was a million trees
And now a million people
And crime, and war, and struggle
And the planet has long lost.

Five thousand years of writing, tools, and war
Five thousand years of love, and loss, and prayer
The world has changed, the air has changed
But human nature never does
And we are worse than animals,
Our claws cannot be seen

An eagle has his talons,
While the rabbit breeds like mad
The turtle has survived while others died away
The bear commands the forest with his strength
But we’re the pack of wolves
That takes him down

Our skin may crack in winter,
but our minds can cut through steel
Our hands can built the dams, diverting any river
Our words can speak of love but also speak of pride
And pride will fall like governments and leaders

Beware your words for they live on forever
Beware your hands for they will mold the future
And it was not the brutish man that built the Atom Bomb
It was the scientist, the factory, the clerk
And it is not the gambler that will feed a nation
It is the farmer, working day and day

I look upon this idol and I see my own reflection
I know that we must find a balance
And that the planet has its limits
I know that there’s a price to Progress
And even if I do not pay it
One day my children will
I know that every choice
And every person is important
For we are all but smaller drops
Within a bigger sea.

Gregory Urman

10/26/06

A Casualty of Our Times

I’m going home to face an empty room

With thick white walls – I wish that they were padded

I’m going home, I pray that someday soon

I will belong, I will succeed, be loved

And never-more abandoned

But it’s another day that fades into Abyss

And it’s another try – another Phoenix gone to ashes

Another broken dream – like Krystal in the Night

And I’m alone to face the world

I’m not afraid to say it

Where is this perfect job and is it guaranteed?

Where is this perfect love that stands the test of time?

Where is this perfect home where parents understand you?

And where can I find God, when God appears to be invisible?

I had this job before where I belonged,

And I worked hard, and I was loyal

And I was smart, with the effieciency of Eichmann

But times have changed and so administrations

And even if you’re good, you can be fired

‘Cause companies cut costs and they eliminate positions

And I once had a girlfriend, I allowed myself to love her

I treated her with kindess, I wiped away her tears

I let her make decisions, I let her speak her mind

But she cannot control her feelings –

Her fears and insecurities

And she can’t brave the harder choices

And those afraid of happiness will often run away

And I am left to see her in the street

To be polite and hold back my frustrations

To stand there and pretend that all those things we shared

That all those things we shared had never happened

And I am overwrought with pain but I am not alone

Because so many here have lost their lives to luck

Because you can’t control the world, only yourself –

Your feelings, knowledge, choices, and beliefs

Because we can’t control the place we come from

Bute we can change ourselves,

And when we change ourselves, we change the future.

Gregory Urman

09/20/06

God, part IV

God is that which we can never kill

God is that which does not have a limit

God is always near to you but also far away

Something you cannot contain or grasp

Something in the moment, always fleeting

God is beauty whistling in the wind

Clear blue skies reflecting on the water

Fields of grass and flowers

Feeling joy and peace

Farther than the eye can see

More than we can ever count to

God is also that which might surprise us

Twists and turns that shape the endless future

Unexpected faces come to cheer you up

Tragedies that strike us without warning

Things return to what they were before

Yes, there is a pattern there

Though I don’t always see it

God is always in control

And we cannot escape

We must bear the yoke of service

Or else our past will break us

We must master hearts and minds

Or passion will enslave us

We must do the things for others

We would want returned

God is one and God is everywhere

Everything you do will have an impact

Nothing happens in a vacuum [physics]

So live your life and walk your road

One step and then another

For you are part of God

And you know what to do.

Gregory Urman

03/18/06

Deciding I Should Love

I see her in the distance

and I walk to her

A single cautious step

and then another

I know just what I want

But try not to expect

Not trap myself in tangled webs

That easily I weave

My brain is what betrays me

My heart is kept in check

I look at her and know

that she is pretty

I listen to her words

And know that she demands respect

I see how I react to her

I monitor my feelings

Some boundaries can’t be crossed

Some words not taken back

It’s pain I can’t abide

It’s mystery that scares me

But then the bravest choice

Is to let go

I look her in the eyes

And take her hand

I draw myself aware

But ever closer

I feel each moment

Merging to the next

I know that she’s the one

And I belong to her

Gregory Urman

02/02/06

Older Wiser Now

Riding on the bus again

Watch the city float on by

Watch the sea of faces

Am I all that different?

It’s another day, it’s another year.

Older. Wiser. Now.

Going home from work again

It’s another paycheck

It will be gone soon.

Work is easy now –

One day, that will change

Things are always changing

Older. Wiser. Now.

I went on a date again

She may see me one more time

She may even like me more

Trying not to guess the future

Try not to be needy

Trying to let go

Older. Wiser. Now.

Got into a fight again

I can’t stand my mother

Trying not to yell right back

See the bigger picture –

She is old and broken

She will soon be gone

I’ve become my father

We’re both going nowhere

Truth is hard to swallow

Older. Wiser. Now.

Tomorrow never comes

Tomorrow’s been decided

Gregory Urman

11/27/05

Instructions for Becoming an Adult

Dear reader,

By now you may find yourself in your early- or mid-twenties

You may find yourself still living at home

Or having moved out on your own

You may find yourself working one or more jobs

Or getting drunk between college classes

In any case or combination of factors,

You must realize that you are now part of a bigger world

And you must learn to function in that bigger world

You must learn how to keep a job

Or have fun while getting fired

... and which choice is more beneficial at the time

You must learn how to talk to others at length

Without saying anything of real substance

You must learn how to have fun at a party full of people you hate

And yet not let on about your true feelings

You must learn that wisdom and experience are not the same thing

You must throw up into a toilet, swear to God you’ll never get drunk again

And do the same thing a month later

You must understand that moral values are nowhere near as important as money

That your own opinions are not as important as the opinions of those above you or around you

You must look in the mirror and blame others for all your mistakes

You must learn to lie to others and especially to yourself

Having now mastered what it is to a be a functioning,

And hopefully, successful adult,

You must get married and begat children.

You must then inflict the same lessons on your children

As the ones given to you.

Good luck.

Gregory Urman

08/24/05

Codependence Workshop

A very, VERY sarcastic look at dysfunctional people and their relationships

I’m bored, I think that I will go break something

I’m stupid, I will let the cops find me

‘cause it’s too hard to stay alone

And I can’t stand the silence

And it’s too hard to face the mirror

I need one more drink

Won’t you be my train wreck

‘cause it’s too hard to be healthy

Won’t you be my train wreck

‘cause you’re even worse than me

Won’t you be my train wreck

Because nothing makes a difference

Won’t you be my train wreck

‘cause it’s too hard to be free

And I’m looking for a woman

Who will also hate her parents

And I’m looking for a woman

Who just cannot keep a job

And I want her to get mad at me

For things that do not matter

And I want her to ABANDON me

‘cause marriage is so gay

Won’t you be my train wreck

Because I don’t need forgiveness

Won’t you be my train wreck

Because I don’t want to learn

Won’t you be my train wreck

‘Cause it’s easy to be helpless

Won’t you be my train wreck

Because I cannot return

And I am an adult now

But I act just like a child

And I can blame on others

For the things I can’t achieve

And I don’t ever need

To take responsibility

And I don’t ever need

To give some trust or to believe

Gregory Urman

08/10/05, 3:54 AM

Freedom

A piece that isn’t just aimed at the current administration,

but also an attempt to make people reexamine

their view of life and themselves

Freedom is a word we take for granted

Freedom is a word we might not understand

You claim you want to free the whole damn globe

But are you sure that’s what you mean?

You claim to do the work of God

But can you prove your way to be the only way?

You claim you know what’s best for them

Like father taking care of kids

But I will call you brother

‘Cause you’re equal to the rest

And history will cycle once again

And time will say who wins the argument

Freedom is a word we take for granted

Freedom is a word we might not understand

Coercion is so natural, my friend

It means you do not have to find an equal

We call for freedom but it’s just pretend –

It’s order that we want, it’s safety that we crave

Afraid of demons in the night,

We always run from our reflection

Afraid of what else we might find,

We reenact the past but wish for different answers

And isn’t that the definition of insanity ???

Freedom is a word we take for granted

Freedom is a word we might not understand

Freedom means you have something to lose

Freedom means you make mistakes

But no one else to blame

In a world so big,

We cannot grasp the chain reaction

We Escape From Freedom (Erich Fromm),

We’re afraid of being small

Freedom cannot stand alone,

It dissolves to chaos

Fear of dying without reason

Fear of future, feeling no control or cause

We must have responsibility

Freedom means you take a stand

Don’t let someone do it for you

Freedom means you must be honest

Or you slave yourself to lies

Freedom means there’s room to grow

There is no such thing as perfect

You cannot have all the answers

You cannot always be blameless

There are times when you must fight

There are times when you must run

There are times you must APOLOGIZE!

Freedom is a word we take for granted

Freedom is a word we might not understand

A million bright lights shining in the distance

A quiet night like countless ones before

Six billion lives are spinning on a planet

The pattern does not stop, it all just keeps repeating

A girl is standing on a corner

She’ll only cost you 20 bucks

A child cannot sleep at night

His family shot dead

But no one hears his cries

A girl is chasing empty idols

Reduce your whole life to a name

Commercials, music, movies, diets

Oh, you can have your fifteen minutes,

But is your soul worth more than fame?

A man is looking in a mirror

But he is seeing only flaws

“Too weak, too fat, goddamn these glasses

  ‘Cause once she sees my crooked smile

  She will not care about my brain”

Fuck all your values

They’re too hollow

Fuck all this grandeur

We’ve forgotten fairness

Fuck all your power

Rome will fall again

It is a world of glitter without substance

It is a world where EGO is now God

We’re satisfying every impulse

But we don’t know what we’ve unleashed –

Our weapons, they can level mountains

But how long ‘til the earth grows back?

Our knowledge, internet and movies –

We’re overworking all our senses

We’re satisfying every impulse

‘Cause ‘mystery’ means waiting

And ‘waiting’ means we have less power

The Sun will rise, the Sun will set

But have you ever questioned why?

And beauty? Kindness? Meaning? Justice?

My answers may not fit for you

But I am searching, I’m not satisfied.

Love – (v.) the ability of an opposite sex or same sex person to turn another person, an otherwise smart and competent person, into a complete fool.

– Gregory Urman, 07/13/05

Gregory Urman

07/13/05

We Cannot Be Friends

I.          I ran into you today and wish I didn’t

There’s so much I want to say but it’s too late

Every time I see your face, the memories flood back

Every time I see your face, I try again in vain

II.        Try to treat you like an equal

But you close your mind to me

Try to find what we are missing –

And it’s chemistry

There are things I can’t take back

And there are things you cannot give

And I wish we could be friends

But there are things I can’t forgive

III.       There’s no peace for us

And there’s no restoration

There are promises

That time won’t let us keep

There’s a voice inside

That says that “I still love you”

There’s a voice inside

That says “I wish you did”

IV.       I see you with somebody else

And I get jealous

I look right into your eyes

And see a stranger

I still care for you

And think I always will

You’re imprinted on my soul

Like iron brands

Like a cow that has

No choices of its own

Like a dream that stays

With you as you grow old ...

V.        It is time for something else

It is time for different days

Time to find somebody else

Not repeat the same mistakes

Gregory Urman

03/21/05

Medication Song

Hi, my name is “So Bi-polar”

Hi, my name is “Thorazine”

Look at me, you see disorder

You don’t see a human being

How do explain attraction?

How do you explain my mood?

Math and chemical reaction

There’s no choice in what I do

... fallen ... cannot get up

... fallen ... how can I stop? (2x)

Take a pill, forget your troubles

Take a pill to dull your pain

Writing at 3:00 in the morning

I cannot control my brain

CHORUS

What to do when pills stop working?

What to do? It’s all the same

Take a pill instead of kindness

Take a pill instead of love

Take a pill to forget friendship

Take a pill to become God

Gregory Urman

02/26/05

The Grieving Song

Also to be added to future recordings

And she’s been six feet under for a year now

And grandma isn’t coming back and it is just as well

She never found her peace

But I can give her my forgiveness

‘Cause there’s no point in anger

No undoing, just regret

I’m grieving for the empty space

You left inside of me

I’m grieving for the happiness

That never got to be

I’m grieving for a family

Without the picket fences

I’m grieving for a childhood

That I cannot forget

And there a million memories

But very few are good ones

And I am from a family

Destroyed by their divorce

And mommy has her bruises

While my dad has his neglect

And grandma had three strokes

That all the doctors can’t correct

I’m grieving for my poverty

And all the shame it brings me

I’m grieving for security

That I have never had

I’m grieving for that house back there

Forever filled with conflict

I’m grieving for the isolation

You can’t understand

But years have passed and I am growing older

I do not want this burden

And I want to find some love

I cannot find my happiness

If I’m remaining frozen

I can’t forget

But now I must move on

She walks alone, it does not matter

A filthy alley or a wealthy boardwalk

The result is all the same

The little girl still wearing flannel

Begging for your love

and begging for your help

Doll Parts scattered by tornadoes

Needlemarks and bruises

Up and down her Celebrity Skin

How can she rule the world

when she can’t love herself?

How could she be a wife

if she cannot forgive her father?

How could she be a parent

If own her childhood was robbed?

... And I have known so many like you

You are their goddess,

Patron Saint of pain

“Oh, please baby

put down the razorblade

I’ll give you all the love you need”

But it’s not love they want

Love hurts the most –

Destruction is familiar.

And I have had enough destruction

I want love, and peace

And maybe understanding

I want to take a chance
On things that I don’t know ...

A million cameras and stories

Some crazy stunt to tell us all

That she is not yet dead

And it’s too late for her to change

There isn’t time, there isn’t strength

I cannot say I pity her –

She’d rip my throat out

I cannot say I understand

The woman is a living legend

The myth becomes the fact

But I can ask if she’s a symbol,

Perhaps for all our generation?

And I don’t need to judge your guilt

And I don’t need to throw a stone

These things will happen by themselves

And she’s done things I can’t condone

I hope her daughter will do better

Gregory Urman

09/19/03

The Heretic

This poem is a response to too many missionaries

                                   This poem is a response to a tortured world

“Don’t you tell me ‘I can save you’

Don’t you tell me ‘God is Love!’

All I trust is what I see

All I love is who loves back

Get away from me, you liar

Have you never heard of doubt?

Don’t you tell me there’s a heaven

When we bomb ourselves to hell

Don’t you sing me of Salvation

You don’t know how far I fell

Jesus, Jesus Christ is DEAD

Yahweh – I have searched,

But I can’t find him.

Buddah’s wrong, embrace the pain

What is life if not a contrast?

No salvation, no forgiveness

No remorse, and no escape

Who needs love when we have force?

I just need a better blade ”

…

We all know these bitter feelings

I have felt them all my life

But I struggle, but I yearn

Want to trust, to love, to change

THIS is hell, so where is heaven?

Every moment too will pass

What’s the point in “now”

If there’s no “later”

Where is justice? Where is truth?

I need something more than this

Want to change, to trust, to love

To forgive and not be bitter

To let go and to be caught

Gregory Urman

10/17/04

Fragments

I do not expect my fingers

to graze the sky * –

For they are much too short

I do not wish for happiness to last

For if it did, I would not know the difference

And I am human, though a child of God

My time is long now, one day it will end

What shall I do then?

I am not afraid

I am like she who started this

Too smart to be accepted

Too different to be understood

by most of those I see

Too ugly – no one wants to build my statue

Too honest to be loved by many

But I’m always free

But I have known more than just pain

and I am grateful. I have my friends

I have my time to write

To think, to understand the pattern

To look beyond myself and past this day

I can give of myself and make her smile

Feel loved, important, make her understood

And though my bed is often empty

When it is not, I take it not for granted

I know it’s right, I do not have regrets

And we are fragments all – and not just Sappho

Some thoughts are never finished

Some lives are cut too short

And doubt and fear and pain –

they should not win

So go go you now, and me as well

Enjoy the things we’re given

* -- lines by Sappho, Fragment 4 in my edition.