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But it might be without help from parents.
As soon as a child is born they start to get annoyed if you take their 'toy' away. Trading for a different toy is often very
effective. But only lasts till the discovery of 'object perminance'. Then they hit the toddler years and learn about possesion,
Mommy's toys, Daddy's toys, and of course "Mine!".
Sharing can be learned, and it isn't that hard to teach, but like many games it takes a lifetime to master. Some simple tricks
and a lot of patience and time, will have any child sharing reluctantly or willingly.
What exactly does sharing mean?
We don't need the dictionary definition; we need one that makes sense to a child. Telling a 1 year old to share doesn't mean
much. If they have heard it often they may think, "Hand it over". The way it is done with crackers. Or they may
think "Lose it for life", depending on how much trust they have in whoever they are sharing with. If they have
never heard it before the first thought is prolly, "Mommy is mad, wonder why? Let me see if I can make it happen again
to figure out what caused it" Honest kids do not formulate quite that much, but they are natural testers of the environment,
so trying to figure out what causes mom to get mad is very natural. Generaly Moms and dads don't mean any of that so some
more precise phrases are in order.
"Let Mike have it till the timer dings while you play with this other toy, then you get it back."
"Give Amy some blocks, and keep some blocks, that way you both can play"
"Do not snatch things from Tom, give it back and play with this till your turn"
"The timer dinged, now it is Leahs turn"
Whatever phrase you use, remember just because it now makes more sense doesn't mean your child trusts their friend, nor is
interested in sharing.
Timers
Timers are very helpful when sharing, they don't forget to tell you when the time is up, unlike an often distracted Mom.
Children will usually be very happy to fill you in on why the timer dinged, just try to remind them they still can't snatch
the toy. However timers are not always handy at a drs office or playground. Some replacement ideas include a song, counting
to a set number, or an outside influence, such as 10 cars passing (assuming you can see cars) or anything else that happens
to be handy.
Blocks and such
These are often the easiest toys to teach sharing on, there is usually enough for at least two children to play with. "You
get some, I get some" is much easier for small children than waiting for a timer. Once a child is pretty good at sharing
blocks you can start to focus more on sharing individual toys.
Hoarding
Toys were meant to be played with! Can you imagine how sad Courdery would be if he never got played with because the girl
was not willing to share?
Hoarding is a personal pet peeve, I can't stand when kids sit on toys and refuse to play with them for fear of having to share,
or of losing some of them. I especialy dislike it in a 7 or 8 year old. But at any age I can understand it. I know I personally,
when building with duplos or legos, tend to find several of the piece I need and my natural tendancy is to hide the extras
in my lap till I am ready to use them! I of course know their are plenty of other duplos left, but that is a bit complicated
for a young child to learn, and besides where is my creativity to figure out what to do if I can't find the 'perfect piece'?.
Dragons
I tell my children about dragons. Some dragons are very nice (Puff the magic dragon) some are very mean (Smaug from the hobbit)
The difference is in what they do with their treasure, or toys. Puff shares with his friends, Smaug sits on them. sitting
on toys makes Smaug cranky, playing and sharing makes Puff happy.
You can substitute any dragon your child has heard of or read about, or you can go hunt up a book about a nice dragon at the
library, and make up a name for the cranky one. (or make them both up)
Modeling
Often parents model sharing by being perfectly willing to hand over their toy or food, which is nice, but doesn't teach a
child the give and take of sharing. It lets them feel they can always have something if they ask. So occasionally ask them
to wait a moment while you finish, or ask them to share their toy with you, play with it then give it back. But remember
no amount of modeling will prepare a child for children who don't always keep their word, and are just not as trustworthy
as mom. (make sure you are trustworthy of course)
Food
I try to avoid asking my children to share their food, while still getting them to share. I want to avoid the whole lose
it misconception with my children, but it can be hard. Sharing to an adult includes sharing the food. Instead I often tell
them to 'Give your sister a bite, we can get more later'.
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