Reprinted from the August, 1980 National Model Railroad Association Bulletin
Memories of an Ex-Tyro
by Gerry Leone
Mark Twain had a line that went something to the effect of, "When I was 18 my father was the stupidest man I knew. When I turned 23 I was amazed at how much he'd learned in only five years." That's the moral. Here's the story.
Three years and two layouts ago, as I turned the final page in the first model railroad book I'd ever seen, a book by Leslie T. White, I was thoroughly amazed. Yes, yes, yes, I was excited at the possibilities such a hobby offered. That was all well and good. But what boggled my mind was that, here was a group of old fogies (i.e. the NMRA) trying to make a major ordeal out of running a few trains around a loop of track. "C'mon, you guys. (Expletive deleted), you're making a Federal case out of this." So I set out on my own way, deciding that 90% of what I read about this hobby was a pure and simple crock. (Sure, I joined the NMRA --but just to get the BULLETIN so I could see the kind of propaganda you guys were peddling.)
And finally, with no thanks to the NMRA, I had a 10' x 10' working layout in my attic.
Well, not really working per se, but that was just a minor detail.
So I made a list of every NMRA tenet that I thought was a waste of time: Nickel silver, nickel silver, What was all this about nickel silver? And soldering rail joints? Come off it. My brass rail snap-track was just fine. I used some imagination, and blamed all the unexpected stops in mid-track on an engineer with a bladder condition. A bad bladder condition.
Kinks? Due to the poor eyesight of my miniature gandy dancer, naturally. Who'd actually want to sit down and file all the switch points, anyway? Especially since I'd developed this brand new automatic system for setting out cars --the loco goes down one track, the rolling stock goes down another. What could be simpler? No button to push, and the element of surprise made things exciting.
Another thing. Waste my money on 1/2" plywood for subroadbed? Quarter- inch was cheaper. And besides, it gave the trains much more character as they roller-coastered up and down every few feet or so.
Who said you needed a coat of barrier before brush-painting Floquil on styrene? I mean, somewhere deep inside I knew the next trend in the hobby would be boxcars with sides resembling stucco. I just knew it.
A scale rule? The land my railroad traversed was so rich in lumber, folks in town could well afford to have 18" jambs and mutins on their windows, and 8- or 9-foot doors.
Operating sessions --a prime example of what happened when a few people try to make something out of nothing. Heck, I'd run my trains 'round and 'round and 'round for five or ten minutes at a time without getting bored! Once I actually ran them for an hour non-stop. (I'd either dozed off or had gone downstairs to watch TV. I forget which.)
Finally, I concluded that the most useless of all pieces of equipment was the NMRA track gauge. Wouldn't catch me with one of those. I mean, what's 1/16" in the grand scheme of the universe? Besides, I already knew what caused derailments --atoms. Atoms on the track were the culprits. However, I always made it a point to check that one section of track on the far side of the layout, every time 15 or more cars toppled over. Funny, even though I never did find those atoms, those same cars always would.
The list of where you guys in the NMRA were wrong went on and on. And the more I thought about it, the more determined I got. I'd show you all. I'd build a new layout just to set you straight.
The last train of the final run took about 2 1/2 hours to travel the 75' of track. What an exciting run it was, too. Stopping every few inches as my engineer's bladder condition got worse and worse. Accidentally setting out three stock cars at the foundry. Wondering what a slow motion film of my 2-8-2 hitting the floor would have looked like.
From dust my layout had come, to (and with) dust it returned. A year later my present layout emerged. Oh, sure, I was very careful to follow all your goofy NMRA standards to the letter. I even used a track gauge. You'd see the error of your ways.
And now that the trains have been running and running and running for almost a year, you can bet I'm watching. Waiting for that first slip-up, that first problem to arise. And then, boy, am I gonna let you guys have it.