Wednesday, February 01, 2006
Grace Triumphant 013
March 12, 2005
Last night, Jim, Amy Carmichael and I talked late into the night. I surprised myself by how readily I fell into tears once the children were safely asleep. But I gave them the whole story. And I asked Jim the question that has come to be the most prominent.
"How did Greg stop loving me?" I asked him as we sat at the table. "Can a woman really fight for her man, Jim? Can I get him back?"
His square jaw dropped, and his eyes, so much like the eyes of a Cherokee Indian, actually got round with surprise. Then he stood up and hitched his hands in his back pockets.
"Stop loving you?" he asked as he strode to the oven, agitated. "Do you really think he's in love with 24 year old air-head he was flinging with?"
It stopped me cold. This is what I mean by everything you don't know flying at you all at once when there's been adultery. You never quite get a handle on what actually has been going on, not with your husband, not with his motives, not with anything in your entire life with him. You never really know anything once there's been adultery.
"Well it's been going on for a good month," I said.
He set his eyes on a distant wall as a man does when he knows he has to explain something that is abundantly obvious to him, and the woman he's talking to still doesn't get it.
"As if that pig ever loved you or anybody!" he exclaimed.
"James," Amy Carmichael said quickly.
"He did love me when we started out, James," I said. I realized I had called him James.
He looked at me, and now he wasn't angry. He was sorry. "Gracie, this girl doesn't mean anything to Greg."
"Come back to the table, dear," Amy Carmichael said gently. "We have to be calm and everybody behave with dignity. Right from the start."
"That's where I went wrong from the start," I told them.
"All right," Jim said as he came and sat again at the table. He looked at me, those eyes still passionate with his anger. "Gracie, he was horny and arrogant," he said. "That's all there is to it. A man who wants to work on his marriage goes a long way before he gives in to adultery. His wife knows way in advance that he's not happy. That's not what happened here." He paused. "I'm sure you tried to make him happy. In everything."
"I certainly tried to make him happy in every way," I told Jim. "And I honestly thought everything was fine."
"I know you did," he said. "You have to understand, a well-fed little boy can still steal from a bakery. A wealthy man might steal a watch or a ring. It doesn't mean the little boy was badly treated or hungry, or that the rich man didn't have more than he could spend. They got greedy for a trifle. None of us know what that girl offered Greg. But whatever he got from her, it was just a trifle to him. He just never thought you'd catch him."
"How can you know this?" I asked.
"Because that's how men are. A selfish man takes what he wants no matter how much he already has. But when a man wants his marriage most of all, he actually will put up with more abuse and trouble than you women give us credit for. And he'll stay faithful. Just because it matters to him."
"Oh sure," Amy Carmichael said saucily as she stood to clear our plates. I'd never heard her use this tone with anybody, and it made a sudden laugh pop out of me.
"Nobody knows the abuse I put up with," Jim said as his eyes followed her to the sink and a smile played on his lips. "But I'll deal with you later."
Later that night, after I was in the double bed in the guest room with Rachel sound asleep next to me, I heard them come up the steps, and Amy Carmichael, in her gentle way, was chiding him for what she thought was strong language.
"Sensitive feelings" I heard her say, and "not call him a pig, even if you're angry with him, James."
I heard his voice, deeper, reply. I think he was saying that Greg had behaved like a pig. Then more clearly, I heard Jim's lament, "How could he treat her like that?" The universal lament of all good men who respect their wives. I heard it a lot after GIBC, and my mind touched on Buck Redblood and what he had done to his poor wife, Kaeron. She'd divorced him.
Then, making up for her rebuke of him, I heard her sly laugh. "Good thing you're never horny and arrogant."
Then their bedroom door closed. I got up after a moment and softly closed my door.
Today, Benjamin wants to go to school with "the boys." I saw Jim, after breakfast, giving 11 year old Charles Lee a short lecture in the niche by the stove. Jim was crouched down in front of him, talking intently. It wasn't from anger. I could see that Jim was telling him that we were all going through a hard time, and Ben needed a friend. James and Mark must have already been clued in, because they treat Benjamin with that offhand, casual generosity that men, even young men, have when they determine to be kind to somebody out of genuine concern.
Rachel wanted to stay with me, and I'm just as glad to keep her with me. We're going to have a day out with Amy Carmichael, once we get through morning chores.
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Dear Ms. Jovian, I pastor a small Baptist church about 50 miles away from GIBC. When I started in the ministry I had many hopes of building a great work for God among the largely Roman Catholic town where I live. But in the last 20 years my ministry has been taken up with mending the spiritual injuries of people who have escaped from the ministry of Preacher Mack.
Sometimes I think you are too hard on us Baptists. I can say that anybody who really tried to address the problems caused by Johnny Mack will soon discover he is in full time work and has not yet scratched the surface on the number of people harmed one way or another. The idea that any pastor could set Fundamentalism back on its proper course is, perhaps, naïve.
Please be patient with us! But I am sorry to read of the great sorrow you currently face. I have been in prayer for you since reading of this devastating sin. With your permission I shall ask our church members to keep you in prayer. But if the Lord moves on your behalf, faithfully record what He does. You have written about the suffering of so many. And you posit that God is gracious. Now that you suffer among the number, record the grace of God, and we will pray for your eyes to be open to see Him in His glory.
Prayerfully,
Pastor John Goodman
Cuppola Baptist Church
Cuppola Indiana
Last night, Jim, Amy Carmichael and I talked late into the night. I surprised myself by how readily I fell into tears once the children were safely asleep. But I gave them the whole story. And I asked Jim the question that has come to be the most prominent.
"How did Greg stop loving me?" I asked him as we sat at the table. "Can a woman really fight for her man, Jim? Can I get him back?"
His square jaw dropped, and his eyes, so much like the eyes of a Cherokee Indian, actually got round with surprise. Then he stood up and hitched his hands in his back pockets.
"Stop loving you?" he asked as he strode to the oven, agitated. "Do you really think he's in love with 24 year old air-head he was flinging with?"
It stopped me cold. This is what I mean by everything you don't know flying at you all at once when there's been adultery. You never quite get a handle on what actually has been going on, not with your husband, not with his motives, not with anything in your entire life with him. You never really know anything once there's been adultery.
"Well it's been going on for a good month," I said.
He set his eyes on a distant wall as a man does when he knows he has to explain something that is abundantly obvious to him, and the woman he's talking to still doesn't get it.
"As if that pig ever loved you or anybody!" he exclaimed.
"James," Amy Carmichael said quickly.
"He did love me when we started out, James," I said. I realized I had called him James.
He looked at me, and now he wasn't angry. He was sorry. "Gracie, this girl doesn't mean anything to Greg."
"Come back to the table, dear," Amy Carmichael said gently. "We have to be calm and everybody behave with dignity. Right from the start."
"That's where I went wrong from the start," I told them.
"All right," Jim said as he came and sat again at the table. He looked at me, those eyes still passionate with his anger. "Gracie, he was horny and arrogant," he said. "That's all there is to it. A man who wants to work on his marriage goes a long way before he gives in to adultery. His wife knows way in advance that he's not happy. That's not what happened here." He paused. "I'm sure you tried to make him happy. In everything."
"I certainly tried to make him happy in every way," I told Jim. "And I honestly thought everything was fine."
"I know you did," he said. "You have to understand, a well-fed little boy can still steal from a bakery. A wealthy man might steal a watch or a ring. It doesn't mean the little boy was badly treated or hungry, or that the rich man didn't have more than he could spend. They got greedy for a trifle. None of us know what that girl offered Greg. But whatever he got from her, it was just a trifle to him. He just never thought you'd catch him."
"How can you know this?" I asked.
"Because that's how men are. A selfish man takes what he wants no matter how much he already has. But when a man wants his marriage most of all, he actually will put up with more abuse and trouble than you women give us credit for. And he'll stay faithful. Just because it matters to him."
"Oh sure," Amy Carmichael said saucily as she stood to clear our plates. I'd never heard her use this tone with anybody, and it made a sudden laugh pop out of me.
"Nobody knows the abuse I put up with," Jim said as his eyes followed her to the sink and a smile played on his lips. "But I'll deal with you later."
Later that night, after I was in the double bed in the guest room with Rachel sound asleep next to me, I heard them come up the steps, and Amy Carmichael, in her gentle way, was chiding him for what she thought was strong language.
"Sensitive feelings" I heard her say, and "not call him a pig, even if you're angry with him, James."
I heard his voice, deeper, reply. I think he was saying that Greg had behaved like a pig. Then more clearly, I heard Jim's lament, "How could he treat her like that?" The universal lament of all good men who respect their wives. I heard it a lot after GIBC, and my mind touched on Buck Redblood and what he had done to his poor wife, Kaeron. She'd divorced him.
Then, making up for her rebuke of him, I heard her sly laugh. "Good thing you're never horny and arrogant."
Then their bedroom door closed. I got up after a moment and softly closed my door.
Today, Benjamin wants to go to school with "the boys." I saw Jim, after breakfast, giving 11 year old Charles Lee a short lecture in the niche by the stove. Jim was crouched down in front of him, talking intently. It wasn't from anger. I could see that Jim was telling him that we were all going through a hard time, and Ben needed a friend. James and Mark must have already been clued in, because they treat Benjamin with that offhand, casual generosity that men, even young men, have when they determine to be kind to somebody out of genuine concern.
Rachel wanted to stay with me, and I'm just as glad to keep her with me. We're going to have a day out with Amy Carmichael, once we get through morning chores.
