FAQ

FAQ Graphic Many phono-holics ask the same questions. The questions are listed below. For some sage advice, click on the question you wish answered.

If you have questions that are not answered here, let me know.

 

How many machines constitute a collection?

How much should I pay for any given machine?

How much is my machine worth?

How many records should I collect?

Where can I find the machine I really need?

Where should I store/display my collection?


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How many machines constitute a collection?

If you are married - typically one. A little known "law of phono-acquistion": as soon as the number of machines you acquire equals the number of machines your spouse removes you have achieved neutral phono-flow. That is, your collection is stable. Please note, if the number of machines you acquire exceeds the number of machines your spouse removes, you have missed your cue.

If you are single - determine the square footage available in your place of residence. Divide the square footage by three, this should yield the number of machines required in your collection.

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How much should I pay for any given machine?

If you are married - you will always pay too much.

If you are single - price is no object. First determine if you have the square footage available to store and display the machine.

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How much is my machine worth?

Difficult to determine without knowing the marital status of the potential buyer.

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How many records should I collect?

Cylinders - 120 for every cylinder player you own. At two minutes this will provide 4 hours of listening pleasure. This does not include time to change the record or wind the machine. Four hours is the maximum any spouse will allow for listening sessions. This ensures married collectors will not endanger their collection. Single collectors mst remember to eat, four hours is the maximum feeding cycle time.

78 RPM - At least one record for every label ever printed.

Picture Disc - One of each available. Tell yourself you are collecting art that you can display on your wall. Just don't count on displaying it on your wall.

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Where can I find the machine I really need?

Where you least expect it. I'm sure you know where to look. You are just using an excuse because it is not really something you need, it's something you want. That makes you feel guilty. So what, go buy the thing!

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Where should I store or display my collection?

Create a special place that you call your own. Build a monument to phonographic history. Sell tickets to the neighbors - it could generate enough income to purchase one of those machines you need, uh, want. Be careful, many collectors have fallen into a trance while gazing at their collection. Make sure that you notify at least one person before beginning any serious appreciation exercises.

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