A Really Short Course in World Religions

TAOISM: Shit happens.
CONFUCIANISM: Confucius say, "Shit happens."
BUDDISM: Get used to this shit.
ZEN: What is the sound of shit happening?
SHINTO: Let us reflect on this old and natural shit.
HINDUISM: This shit has happened before.
ZOROASTRIANISM: There is a source of good shit and a source of bad shit.
ANIMISM: All of this shit is alive.
PAGANISM: Worship shit. From shit comes life.
WICCA: Life is an annual cycle of shit, Praise it, dance to it.
ISLAM: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
SUFISM: We can achieve oneness with this shit through movement and meditation.
JUDAISM: Why does shit always happen to us?
PROTESTANTISM: Only Jesus can save us from shit and let shit happen to other people.
CATHOLICISM: If shit happens, you deserve it.
CHRISTIAN SCIENCE: Shit is all in the mind. This shit is not on me.
CALVINISM: This shit was predestined and only a few people will be placed above it.
BAPTIST: Only we can wash this shit off of you.
JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES: We are in the last days of all this shit.
MORMONISM: Let me come in and tell you how families can get their shit together.
UNITY: I do not affirm any shit whatsoever. The concept of shitness is not in my thoughts at this time.
UNITARIAN UNIVERSALIST: What does reason tell us about shit? Whose shit is it anyway? Not mine. The meeting on shit is scheduled for 10:00 am Sunday and an open forum will follow the panel discussion.
HUMANISM: This shit is ours! Cherish it! Treasure it!
FEMINIST THEALOGY: This is her shit.
VOIDISM: The total absence of shit should be worshipped.
AGNOSTICISM: I don't know where all this shit comes from.
ATHEISM: Shit naturally evolved. There is no original shitter.
DEISM: Someone made this shit and left it.
DEEP ECOLOGY: We are all part of one living ball of shit.
EXISTENTIALISM: You are what you make of shit.
BAHAISM: We are all in this shit together. All roads lead to shit.
THEOSOPHY: There is some deep true stuff hidden by all this shit.
KRISHNAMURTI: You cannot follow any shitkicker but must make your own path.
EST: Shit is.
SCIENTOLOGY: We can make you clear of this shit.
SOLOPISM: I'm imagining all this shit.
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