Wild mood swings. I never seem to know anymore how I'm going to feel from one hour to the next.

Sometimes I think about next Wednesday and I'm comforted by the realization that no matter what happens, it won't happen because of anything I've done. It's beyond my control.

Sometimes, like this evening, I think about next Wednesday and I'm terrified by the realization that my future is entirely in the hands of someone else. It's beyond my control.

3,000+ words describe two hours. When I want to be detailed, I can be detailed. I think it is a document that needs detail.

I walk around tied to a cell phone. I don't like it, but that's what I need to do.

Is my life reaching a new normalcy? It kind of feels that way. I may be scarred by this, things will never be the way they were a few weeks ago, but I'm starting to feel that I may survive this. There is light ahead. I still have a sense of doom coming from one of the two fronts, but I feel it's the lesser of the fronts, and I feel that that side is beyond my control.

Phillip and I went out to dinner at La Cocina last night, and went for a stroll on Broadway afterwards. It felt good, it felt like a normal thing to do. I witnessed Phillip committing an act of charity, and that felt wonderful.

I rented two DVDs Friday night. DONT LOOK BACK is supposed to be a classic documentary, and, of course, I am a huge Bob Dylan fan, but I thought the film was boring. There were great moments - my favorite was Joan Baez singing Percy's Song while Bob Dylan was typing away - but an hour an a half of backstage chatter, and nothing but backstage chatter, got to be too much. I don't get it.

Lost In Translation, however, instantly became one of my favorite films. Not much happens, really - just pure character study. Isn't it interesting that one film is boring because it's nothing but people sitting around talking, while the other film is mesmerizing because it's nothing but people sitting around talking? Maybe there's a lesson there.