TEACHING KIDS TO TELL THE TRUTH
By Harold J. Sala


Children lie for the same reasons that adults lie: to avoid punishment, to win respect or admiration, to appear better than they actually are, because they don't trust someone with the truth, or because they feel threatened with power. Without realizing it, many parents teach their children to lie. And parents actually encourage their children to lie at the very time they dislike what they see and punish their children because of it.
Do you want to teach the children the importance of honesty in your child? Here are a few guidelines:

GUIDELINE- 1: MODEL HONESTY YOURSELF. Children who lie often have parents who lie, and very quickly youngsters learn from their example. They overhear Mother saying, "No Johnny isn't home," when Father is seated in front of the TV set and doesn't want to be disturbed. Children pick up on phony excuses which you make, or hear you lying to the policeman who asked you to pull over, or understand what the high level conference at the kitchen table is about as you sweat over your income tax returns.

GUIDELINE- 2: BE HONEST WITH THE CHILD YOURSELF. Kids are confronted with a problem. If you aren't honest with them, don't expect them to respond with honesty. For instance, you are losing your job which means that you can't take the family on vacation, but you sugar-coat the situation thinking that you are sparing your child the anguish of knowing you are without work. A child picks up on your stress and your insecurity. And the uncertainty of not knowing what is wrong does the child far more damage than telling the truth and being explicit.
For example, your child's grandmother has had a stroke and is hospitalized. Telling your child that everything is all right when he has seen your pain and anguish, will cause confusion and alarm. Better to establish open communication and take difficulty as an opportunity to point out that we can trust God in difficult situations and make it a spiritual object lesson.

GUIDELINE- 3: DON'T GIVE YOUR YOUNGSTER AN OPPORTUNITY TO LIE; RATHER, MAKE IT EASY FOR HIM TO TELL THE TRUTH. For example, you have laid down certain boundaries and you expect your children to stay within them, but you know that your child disobeyed. Don't say, "Did you go beyond the corner at the end of the block?" Rather say, "Why did you go into the next block?" It gives your child a reason to explain his behavior rather than to deny what he did. Another thought---when parents are overly restrictive, they set the stage for dishonesty. It is far better to have open and free communication so your child is free to say, "I don't think that you are being fair in what you are doing." And that can be done without malice or anger. Open communication evaluates the situation and allows a youngster to express himself without talking back in disrespectful manner.

GUIDELINE- 4: STRESS TO YOUR CHILD THAT WHAT OTHERS MAY DO IS IS
DIFFERENT FROM WHAT YOU OBSERVE IN YOUR FAMILY. Early in life children begin to understand what truth is. Child psychologists say that by age four most children can sift fantasy from truth. When they have playmates who make it a practice to lie, you must teach your children that honesty is a basic matter of trust and love in your family. Help them to understand that trust is important in your relationship. If the behavior of other children begins to rub off on your children, put those kids off limits. When your child learns that you still love and accept him or even if he has gone beyond limits of acceptable behavior, it helps her to be honest with you, regardless of the consequences.

"Truthful words endure forever but lies, for only a moment" (Proverbs 12:19)